He was the man of her dreams…. a tall, dark, outrageously handsome, charismatic, intelligent nightmare!
Back in the early 1970’s, there was no literature or common knowledge about covert psychopaths. No one warned that sexual predators would and could underhandedly con you without giving off the slightest glimmer of suspicion.
The fact that they have no conscience or remorse and can rip your heart and your life to shreds without batting an eye was virtually unheard of.
Earlier than the internet, and prior to Catfish becoming the popular name for romance scammers, romantic deception was virtually unknown. And the possibility of “rape by fraud” was never discussed.
Before #MeToo and #TimesUp placed sexual assault at the forefront of media, this bookopened the conversation about the actual meaning of consent. Its connection to the power brokers behind Elvis Presley is shocking.
If this unscrupulous crime happened to you,Carnal Abuse by Deceitwill help you find the words to reclaim your power! It will help you rebuff all the nay-sayers that try to invalidate, trivialize, and shame you for being victimized by a defiling crime they simply don’t understand or acknowledge……. until it happens to them.
Manchester, UK- Looks pretty innocuous, right? But this convicted sexual predator is guilty of assaulting two women through an elaborate scam. In one case he violently forced her. In another, he used a blindfold to trick her. His means of contact? Plenty of Fish which ranks highest on my list of e-dating sites for sex crime offenders.
Devereux’s hoax combined aspects of other convicted scammers, Mario Antoine in the US and Gayle Newland in the UK . Note to Devereux… not a good idea to copycat people who got caught!
Devereux hooked his targets by assuming the name “Dean,” posting an attractive profile, and grooming them to desire him over several months. Then he proceeded to convince them to have sex with his terminally ill friend “Rob” before meeting him. He also threatened to post intimate photos of one of the women on the internet.
Sexual Offense Prosecutor, Martin McRobb, explained Devereux’s method:
“Devereux worked on the emotions of these women over a long period of time, enticing them with a persuasive but utterly fake persona until they were desperate to meet him.”
“The decision making on this case was complex as on the face of it the women had consented to have sexual relations.” But, “this was not true consent as in the case of one victim she would not have submitted to sexual activity had she not been the victim of blackmail.”
McRobb’s understanding is on target in most aspects, but his terminology is flawed. He should watch my TEDxTalk! If we could straighten out society’s understanding, and enact the actual meaning of consent in our laws, his error would be visible to both McRobb and society.
“As on the face of it, the women had consented” is an oxymoron. Consent is freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement. “Agreement on the face of it,” is “assent,” not “consent.” They are both forms of agreement. But consent, not assent, is required for sex.
McRobb should have stated: “On the face of it, the women had agreed, but agreeing on the face of it is assent, not consent. Consent is required in sexual conduct. The victim did not consent.”
In the instance where a victim was threatened, such as by threatening to disclose intimate photos, that victim would be “acquiescing,” agreeing under duress. Agreeing under duress is not “freely giving agreement,” therefore, it is not consent.
Kudos to Prosecutor McRobb for successfully locking up a sexual predator. He was absolutely correct when he said:
“The effects upon Devereux’s victims are life-long and catastrophic. Their self-confidence and desire to find a meaningful relationship may never return.”
The FBI tells us that Romance Scams are the most common form of fraud in today’s society. And I don’t use the word “fraud” loosely. As most of you who’ve read my material know, lies only constitute a crime when the victim suffers harm. ‘Til then, lies are just lies.
Cited as “Draconian but necessary,” a Sexual Harm Prevention Order (SHPO) was recently issued against 44 year old UK electrician, Geoffrey Ball. Ball had been found guilty of sexual offenses toward women and is no longer allowed to have a relationship of any sort with a woman, without express permission by the police.
From now ’til June 15th, Truth in Romance Day, I’ll identify each crucial step to help romance scam victims reclaim their self-esteem and dignity. Today, we’ll cover the letter “S”.
Happy healing and happy Truth in Romance Day to all!
Here’s Step 3……
Seek Counseling or Therapy
You need someone whose advice you can trust! You were drawn to a predator. Recognizing that you should leave the relationship may be difficult for you. Through therapy you may find the strength and path to break off the relationship. You also may need guidance to understand how you became involved with a predator in the first place. Without that knowledge you are likely to make the same mistake again.
If you have parted with the predator already, you may need help to cope with bewildering, overwhelming pain. A therapist who deals with Complex PTSD can help you. A mental health clinic that provides therapy at a reduced rate might fill your need if you can’t afford a private practitioner.
The entire Dust-Off! plan for recovery is included in Carnal Abuse by Deceit. Click the title to purchase your copy.
From now ’til June 15th, Truth in Romance Day, I’ll identify each crucial step to help romance scam victims reclaim their self-esteem and dignity. Today, we’ll deal with the letter “U”.
Happy healing and happy Truth in Romance Day to all!
Undue pressure is counterproductive to healing!
Understand that healing Is NOT a return to your former self! Every experience we encounter enables us to grow.
Often people who have been damaged believe the end goal is to wash away all remembrance of pain and return to the person they once were, but there is no going back. The expectation of recovering your former self can serve to depress you because it is an unobtainable goal and will be a constant disappointment. Once you can take strength from having lived through your ordeal, you’re on your way toward recovery.
Time and distance will ease your pain. And if you can grieve the loss of your innocence, the loss of the person you were, you can put it behind you. You are wiser now. Employ that wisdom to keep yourself safe from predators in the future.
You will often hear the concept of “forgiveness” used as a means to overcome the effects of wrongdoing. Forgiveness does not mean having to forget what happened or excuse it. Rather, it means accepting that it happened to you. A morally disordered person will not care in the least whether you forgive them or not, so don’t forgive them for their sake, forgive them for yours.
We often keep anger close to our hearts when we have suffered gross injustice. Doing so erodes our own sense of well-being by focusing us on pain and creating hyper-vigilance. We need to refocus ourselves on the good things in our lives in order to make room for joy to find its way back in. It is difficult to put anger aside. It takes considerable practice, but it gets easier in time as life takes on new meanings and the episode you survived fades into your past.
The entire Dust-Off! plan for recovery is included in Carnal Abuse by Deceit. Click the title to purchase your copy.
So you’ve found a new hottie on the internet! And (s)he’s saying all the right things! You’re beginning to feel like they’re the real deal….. charming, witty, attentive, sincere, cute. They truly seem to have their act together.
But how can you know if their photo’s for real?
Here are a couple of quick tips…….
Tip #1- Ask for a selfie containing something specific
They’ve told you about their pet dog, Bruno, or their gorgeous view of the river out their living room window. Ask for a selfie with whatever it is. People who scam others with false photos can’t comply with that request. If they drop you like a hot potato, you’ll know why.
Rather than sharing your email address, ask them to post the picture to their e-dating profile.
Tip #2- Catfish often scam with other people’s photos
You can discover if their photo is really theirs by using Google Reverse Image Search. Click the link for directions for your browser. In addition, you can see how long the photo has been used.
If they claim it’s a recent picture, but it’s been floating around on the internet for the past 5 years, you’ll find out.
Tune in tomorrow for: Help catch this real-live catfish!
My son was six years old and attending a private school on the Upper Westside in NYC. His teacher had arranged a little party for the class at lunchtime, and I’d offered to bring cupcakes. They were a mixture of chocolate and vanilla with bright orange butter frosting. I recall every detail because of what happened to me on the way there. Continue reading Is rape by fraud an insult to “real” rape victims?→
Haissam Fostok arrested for Catfish heist, March 23, 2016 in Passaic NJ
Forty-five year old Haissam Fostok turned himself over to the police in Passaic County New Jersey today for crimes committed by catfishing a New Jersey victim. He was charged with 2nd Degree Theft by Deception, 3rd Degree Theft by Deception (for credit card Continue reading Alleged Catfish Arrested Today in New Jersey- Haissam Fostok→
Jagdishpur, India- According to The Times of India, the wife of a man identified as Moimuddin, turned-in her husband to the authorities for defrauding another woman for sex. She reported the elicit affair when she learned that her husband had deceived a widow, for two years, into thinking he was eligible and Continue reading Bravo India! Miscarriage without consent!→
Ho Yin (Aaron) Shiu- arrested for indecent assault and rape
A hearing related to a rape case will go before the courts of Massachusetts on April 27th.
Dr. Ho Yin “Aaron” Shiu, a U Mass spine doctor who took a Hippocratic oath to do no harm is on trial for sexually assaulting his 42 year old, female patient. Shiu, a graduate of Rutgers University who practiced at U Mass Hospital and AdCare, was charged in Worcester MA with indecent assault and battery and rape. His attorney’s defense strategy? There was no force; “fraud is not force.” And the victim did not resist. Continue reading Beware NJ! Mass. rape case Dr. has moved to your state!→
An online resource produced a decisive info-graphic explaining exactly how our brain chemistry attracts and attaches us to our love interests. It describes everything from the Continue reading The Science Behind Love Is Revealed→
Catfish (Catphish) Profiles, false personation in e-dating, Facebook, and other internet descriptions, to embroil victims in romance scams, is now part of the permanent record of NY State’s Assembly. On October 21st, I provided testimony to create awareness and, hopefully, plant seeds that will bring about change.Continue reading Legislators of NY State Introduced to Catfishing!→
Tomorrow is an important day for CATFISH PROFILE SURVIVORS in NY!
The NY State Assembly Standing Committee on Consumer Affairs and Protection, along with the Assembly Standing Committee on Aging and the Subcommittee on Consumer Fraud Protection, are holding a public hearing on scams against seniors.
Criminal Intent requires knowledge that you’re conducting a crime
I’m sure the issue Robert Hume raised in his comment elsewhere on this blog is one that troubles many people who hear about sexual assault by fraud, so I thought I’d deal with it in a post. Robert’s words offer considerable insight…..
And what is more I find your assertions offensive! Through your argument you are calling me, my brother, my mother, two of my best friends, and several of my colleges, rapists. How dare you!? I am outraged at such an accusation. This offends me deeply.
It’s my belief that Robert is stating that he thinks all these folks lie to defraud people of sex. If I’m misunderstanding, I apologize, and I’ll quickly correct what I’m saying.
Nobody likes being shamed!
President Barak Obama with Gov. Jan Brewer (AP Photo/Haraz N. Ghanbari, File)
I certainly don’t and I can’t imagine why anyone else would either, unless they have some kinky quirks! Shaming people is not my intent when I point out that defrauding a person of sex is a sexual assault. My interest is to protect victims, not shame offenders, even though the offender’s actions are, indeed, shameful.
A major factor in the commission of a crime is “Criminal Intent.” If society has yet to deem it a crime, you certainly couldn’t be perceived as a criminal for conducting yourself in a specific manner.
I think Robert’s comment shows that he does, in fact, now recognize his past behavior was shameful, and he’s tranferring the blame for the shame he feels on me, for bringing it to his attention. I certainly did not make him do the things he did in the past that he may regret in retrospect.
Tryon Edwards, a theologian who died before the 1900s once said:
Right actions for the future are the best apology for bad actions in the past.
Laws change
Some laws get tossed aside, and new ones get enacted. We don’t go backwards in time to throw people in jail because they committed an offense that wasn’t considered a crime at the time of their actions. Once a crime is established, however, the concept of “ignorance is no excuse,” applies because society has recognized the behavior as indecent. And whether you knew it was indecent or not, society had determined it was indecent, and holds all its members to specific standards.
Penal code simply codifies what behaviors will be penalized and what won’t. Just because something does not appear in criminal code does not make it right. Behaviors that appear in criminal code tomorrow are the same behaviors that may not appear in criminal code today. Again, just because they’re not currently punished, does not make them right or decent.
Tomorrow’s a new day
I believe that society will wake up and understand the gross harm that the behavior of defrauding someone for sex causes them. And I’m willing to go on record about my views in order to create a change and prevent further harm. Society does not evolve without the efforts of those who bring about that change.
I hope that by this post, and other discussions that go on throughout society, Robert becomes more aware of the significant harm created by lying to someone to induce sex, and that he’ll refrain from doing so in the future. I also hope he’ll discuss this issue with the folks around him because it appears they could use some enlightenment!
BTW- This is my 100th post on this blog. I thank everyone who’s contributed thus far to getting the message across about the harm in defrauding people for sex.
Canberra, Australia, Sept 25th- Found guilty of Sexual Intercourse Without Consent! The Canberra Times
Update:
ACT News reports: Tamawiwy sentenced to close to 5 years for rape by fraud!
Justice Richard Refshauge on Wednesday, (11/11/2015,) sentenced Tamawiwy to four years and 10 months’ jail, with a non-parole period of two years and two months.
Tamawiwy is likely to be deported to Indonesia once he’s released.
Billy Tamawiwy was declared guilty today on charges that he used deceit to obtain consent to sex from a teen aged boy. His elaborate hoax included alcohol and pretending he was a woman. Seems he told the victim that having sex with him was a requirement to having Continue reading Guilty of sexual assault by fraud in Australia!→
