He was the man of her dreams all right….. a six foot tall, outrageously handsome, charismatic, charming, and intelligent nightmare!
For a twenty-something back in the early 70’s, there was no literature or common knowledge about character disorder. No one warned that sexual predators could con you without giving off the slightest glimmer of suspicion….. that they have no sense of remorse and can rip your heart and your life to shreds without batting an eye!
Manchester, UK- Looks pretty innocuous, right? But this convicted sexual predator is guilty of assaulting two women through an elaborate scam. In one case he violently forced her. In another, he used a blindfold to trick her. His means of contact? Plenty of Fish which ranks highest on my list of e-dating sites for sex crime offenders.
Devereux’s hoax combined aspects of other convicted scammers, Mario Antoine in the US and Gayle Newland in the UK . Note to Devereux… not a good idea to copycat people who got caught!
Devereux hooked his targets by assuming the name “Dean,” posting an attractive profile, and grooming them to desire him over several months. Then he proceeded to convince them to have sex with his terminally ill friend “Rob” before meeting him. He also threatened to post intimate photos of one of the women on the internet.
Sexual Offense Prosecutor, Martin McRobb, explained Devereux’s method:
“Devereux worked on the emotions of these women over a long period of time, enticing them with a persuasive but utterly fake persona until they were desperate to meet him.”
“The decision making on this case was complex as on the face of it the women had consented to have sexual relations.” But, “this was not true consent as in the case of one victim she would not have submitted to sexual activity had she not been the victim of blackmail.”
McRobb’s understanding is on target in most aspects, but his terminology is flawed. He should watch my TEDxTalk! If we could straighten out society’s understanding, and enact the actual meaning of consent in our laws, his error would be visible to both McRobb and society.
“As on the face of it, the women had consented” is an oxymoron. Consent is freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement. “Agreement on the face of it,” is “assent,” not “consent.” They are both forms of agreement. But consent, not assent, is required for sex.
McRobb should have stated: “On the face of it, the women had agreed, but agreeing on the face of it is assent, not consent. Consent is required in sexual conduct. The victim did not consent.”
In the instance where a victim was threatened, such as by threatening to disclose intimate photos, that victim would be “acquiescing,” agreeing under duress. Agreeing under duress is not “freely giving agreement,” therefore, it is not consent.
Kudos to Prosecutor McRobb for successfully locking up a sexual predator. He was absolutely correct when he said:
“The effects upon Devereux’s victims are life-long and catastrophic. Their self-confidence and desire to find a meaningful relationship may never return.”
The FBI tells us that Romance Scams are the most common form of fraud in today’s society. And I don’t use the word “fraud” loosely. As most of you who’ve read my material know, lies only constitute a crime when the victim suffers harm. ‘Til then, lies are just lies.
Cited as “Draconian but necessary,” a Sexual Harm Prevention Order (SHPO) was recently issued against 44 year old UK electrician, Geoffrey Ball. Ball had been found guilty of sexual offenses toward women and is no longer allowed to have a relationship of any sort with a woman, without express permission by the police.
From now ’til June 15th, Truth in Romance Day, I’ll identify each crucial step to help romance scam victims reclaim their self-esteem and dignity. Today, we’ll cover the letter “S”.
Happy healing and happy Truth in Romance Day to all!
Here’s Step 3……
Seek Counseling or Therapy
You need someone whose advice you can trust! You were drawn to a predator. Recognizing that you should leave the relationship may be difficult for you. Through therapy you may find the strength and path to break off the relationship. You also may need guidance to understand how you became involved with a predator in the first place. Without that knowledge you are likely to make the same mistake again.
If you have parted with the predator already, you may need help to cope with bewildering, overwhelming pain. A therapist who deals with Complex PTSD can help you. A mental health clinic that provides therapy at a reduced rate might fill your need if you can’t afford a private practitioner.
The entire Dust-Off! plan for recovery is included in Carnal Abuse by Deceit. Click the title to purchase your copy.
From now ’til June 15th, Truth in Romance Day, I’ll identify each crucial step to help romance scam victims reclaim their self-esteem and dignity. Today, we’ll deal with the letter “U”.
Happy healing and happy Truth in Romance Day to all!
Undue pressure is counterproductive to healing!
Understand that healing Is NOT a return to your former self! Every experience we encounter enables us to grow.
Often people who have been damaged believe the end goal is to wash away all remembrance of pain and return to the person they once were, but there is no going back. The expectation of recovering your former self can serve to depress you because it is an unobtainable goal and will be a constant disappointment. Once you can take strength from having lived through your ordeal, you’re on your way toward recovery.
Time and distance will ease your pain. And if you can grieve the loss of your innocence, the loss of the person you were, you can put it behind you. You are wiser now. Employ that wisdom to keep yourself safe from predators in the future.
You will often hear the concept of “forgiveness” used as a means to overcome the effects of wrongdoing. Forgiveness does not mean having to forget what happened or excuse it. Rather, it means accepting that it happened to you. A morally disordered person will not care in the least whether you forgive them or not, so don’t forgive them for their sake, forgive them for yours.
We often keep anger close to our hearts when we have suffered gross injustice. Doing so erodes our own sense of well-being by focusing us on pain and creating hyper-vigilance. We need to refocus ourselves on the good things in our lives in order to make room for joy to find its way back in. It is difficult to put anger aside. It takes considerable practice, but it gets easier in time as life takes on new meanings and the episode you survived fades into your past.
The entire Dust-Off! plan for recovery is included in Carnal Abuse by Deceit. Click the title to purchase your copy.
So you’ve found a new hottie on the internet! And (s)he’s saying all the right things! You’re beginning to feel like they’re the real deal….. charming, witty, attentive, sincere, cute. They truly seem to have their act together.
But how can you know if their photo’s for real?
Here are a couple of quick tips…….
Tip #1- Ask for a selfie containing something specific
They’ve told you about their pet dog, Bruno, or their gorgeous view of the river out their living room window. Ask for a selfie with whatever it is. People who scam others with false photos can’t comply with that request. If they drop you like a hot potato, you’ll know why.
Rather than sharing your email address, ask them to post the picture to their e-dating profile.
Tip #2- Catfish often scam with other people’s photos
You can discover if their photo is really theirs by using Google Reverse Image Search. Click the link for directions for your browser. In addition, you can see how long the photo has been used.
If they claim it’s a recent picture, but it’s been floating around on the internet for the past 5 years, you’ll find out.
Tune in tomorrow for: Help catch this real-live catfish!
My son was six years old and attending a private school on the Upper Westside in NYC. His teacher had arranged a little party for the class at lunchtime, and I’d offered to bring cupcakes. They were a mixture of chocolate and vanilla with bright orange butter frosting. I recall every detail because of what happened to me on the way there. Continue reading Is rape by fraud an insult to “real” rape victims?→
Haissam Fostok arrested for Catfish heist, March 23, 2016 in Passaic NJ
Forty-five year old Haissam Fostok turned himself over to the police in Passaic County New Jersey today for crimes committed by catfishing a New Jersey victim. He was charged with 2nd Degree Theft by Deception, 3rd Degree Theft by Deception (for credit card Continue reading Alleged Catfish Arrested Today in New Jersey- Haissam Fostok→
Jagdishpur, India- According to The Times of India, the wife of a man identified as Moimuddin, turned-in her husband to the authorities for defrauding another woman for sex. She reported the elicit affair when she learned that her husband had deceived a widow, for two years, into thinking he was eligible and Continue reading Bravo India! Miscarriage without consent!→
Ho Yin (Aaron) Shiu- arrested for indecent assault and rape
A hearing related to a rape case will go before the courts of Massachusetts on April 27th.
Dr. Ho Yin “Aaron” Shiu, a U Mass spine doctor who took a Hippocratic oath to do no harm is on trial for sexually assaulting his 42 year old, female patient. Shiu, a graduate of Rutgers University who practiced at U Mass Hospital and AdCare, was charged in Worcester MA with indecent assault and battery and rape. His attorney’s defense strategy? There was no force; “fraud is not force.” And the victim did not resist. Continue reading Beware NJ! Mass. rape case Dr. has moved to your state!→
Catfish are swindlers who trick people into romance. They post false information on the internet to get you hooked. Sometimes, the victim never meets the offender, even though the relationship can Continue reading Catfish Law Featured on Mogul→
An online resource produced a decisive info-graphic explaining exactly how our brain chemistry attracts and attaches us to our love interests. It describes everything from the Continue reading The Science Behind Love Is Revealed→
Joyce Short will be the featured guest tonight on Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Wives Blog Talk Radio show. The discussion begins at 9 PM, Eastern Time.
Bonnie has devoted years toward advocating for women who find themselves married to gay men. Her personal advice and support has enabled countless women to combat the sense of betrayal and defilement they feel as a result of a marriage sham.
If you’d like to comment, ask a question or speak with either Bonnie or Joyce on the air, here’s the call-in number, and the link for the broadcast:
Catfish (Catphish) Profiles, false personation in e-dating, Facebook, and other internet descriptions, to embroil victims in romance scams, is now part of the permanent record of NY State’s Assembly. On October 21st, I provided testimony to create awareness and, hopefully, plant seeds that will bring about change.Continue reading Legislators of NY State Introduced to Catfishing!→
Tomorrow is an important day for CATFISH PROFILE SURVIVORS in NY!
The NY State Assembly Standing Committee on Consumer Affairs and Protection, along with the Assembly Standing Committee on Aging and the Subcommittee on Consumer Fraud Protection, are holding a public hearing on scams against seniors.
