Tag Archives: #It’sOnUs

“The NY Times” on Tonic Immobility- Why do sex crime victims freeze?

On July 22, 2023, The NY Times published an in-depth article, What People Misunderstand about Rape, by Jen Percy, addressing tonic immobility. She had interviewed CAN’s CEO, Joyce Short, in her research, who had written a post on this issue in 2014, and included a brief statement regarding her individual case. Ms. Percy’s insight laid bare the flagrant and direct conflict between the science of the victim’s response versus how our penal laws treat victims.

Joyce’s “freeze” reaction in her personal case was aligned with so many victims who were terrorized; fearing bodily injury or even death during the attack.

Penal laws are blind to the automatic and subconscious responses a victim’s brain will make in order to preserve their life. Their freezing and fawning reactions are treated by investigators as “acquiescing,” a reasoned, non-automatic response. While acquiescing is a conscious decision, freezing and fawning result from surges of the neuropeptides and hormones that terror triggers in the brain. But even acquiescing, agreeing under duress, does not constitute consent.

Consent is a form of agreement that must be freely given, not violently forced or coerced, knowledgeable and informed, not deceived or defrauded, and must not result from exploiting incapacity.  

Involuntary, reflexive reactions to inescapable danger produce self-blame in victims who question their own inability to fight back or why they stopped resisting.

Both freezing and fawning directly result from the brain snapping into a protective mode by amping up the hormones and neuropeptides that control bodily and brain functions immediately when the amygdala senses an extreme threat.

  • In tonic immobility, the brain causes motor inhibition, a state of paralysis.
  • “Fawning” is the brain’s way of “going along to get along” when facing death or intense terror.

While Joyce stated that she did not feel paralyzed, she knew that resisting was putting her life at great risk. Her attacker pushed his forearm into her neck cutting off her airway, causing her freeze response.

Many states and jurisdictions have penal laws that base “consent” on the words or actions of the victim at the time they were terrorized. This “Yes means Yes” concept is misguided, blaming victims for their reactions which could be automatic, involuntary responses, assent, or acquiescence…. none of which are consent.

Archaic victim blaming has been embedded in penal laws for generations and determines how juries decide whether or not the complainant consented. Instead of focusing on causation – what did the accused do to secure the victim’s compliance – their rulings are based on what victims say and do under terrorizing conditions.

How can we change this grotesque injustice?

Ms. Percy’s article goes a long way to explain the phenomenon of freezing, but society needs to take the next step……..

By correctly defining consent in our laws as “freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement, by a person with the capacity to reason.” #FGKIA, we turn our human right of consent into a powerful civil right backed by law. This definition will protect against rape, all sex crimes, and disrupt victim-blaming and shaming. 

Another trending trope, “Enthusiastic Yes,” strips people of their First Amendment right of free speech, right in the privacy of their bedrooms.

CAN not only fights for legislative changes, but also addresses the harm caused by misinformed “consent educators” who sell “consent” education materials and profit from books, speeches, and trainings that promote “Yes Means Yes,’’ “No Means No,” and “Enthusiastic Yes.”

Malicious influence by the offender, not the reactions of their victims, should determine whether or not consent took place. We need our laws to get this right.  

Watch the TEDx Talk. When YES Means NO, the Truth about Consent, to get the facts

Join CAN’s mission to change our laws by tapping “Become a ‘Consent Crusader.’”

Read Your Consent – The Key to Conquering Sexual Assault, Revised Edition to save you, your children, and generations to come from sex crimes

© Copyright, 2023, USA, Consent Awareness Network. All rights reserved, Do not duplicate.

Consent Pledge for Candidates

Here are four candidates who are fighting to define consent in our laws:

Left to Right top: NY State Assembly Member Rebecca Seawright, New Hampshire Congresswoman Annie Kuster. Left to Right bottom: Arkansas Representative Robin Lundstrum, NY State Senator James Sanders Jr.

Defining consent will turn our unenumerated human right of consent into an enumerated civil right backed by law! Yet NO STATE actually defines the noun CONSENT in our laws.

Society needs legislators who will #CodifyConsent in order to defeat antiquated, blame-the-victim concepts. By doing so, they will help protect our legal right to abortion and conquer sexual assault, sex trafficking, and domestic violence. Defining consent is the fuel to ignite meaningful change!

The Consent Awareness Network (CAN) will amplify the outreach of every candidate who signs this pledge. You simply need to provide your name and your state in the comment section below:

“If elected, I pledge to define CONSENT clearly in our laws so that every prosecutor, judge, juror, defense counsel, would-be predator, and individual in my jurisdiction, knows that CONSENT is a freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement, by a person with the capacity to reason!”

For all voters….

Share this pledge with every candidate for office to raise awareness and make an educated decision about your vote!

Battling the Enemy Within – Military Sexual Assault

Soldiers should not need to battle their own colleagues to prevent sexual trauma!

It’s heartbreaking when women who risk their lives to defend our nation become victims of sexual assault by those with whom they serve….  and even their senior officers!  One such survivor, Teresa Crossman, intends to change that! Continue reading Battling the Enemy Within – Military Sexual Assault

#CodifyConsent – Did you hear what Harvey Weinstein said?

Weinstein finally opened his mouth at his sentencing and showed the world why we desperately need to #CodifyConsent in our laws!

When the jury asked his judge, Hon. James Burke, “What’s the legal definition for consent?’ all Burke could say was:

“Use your commonsense!”

Continue reading #CodifyConsent – Did you hear what Harvey Weinstein said?

Is Cruciani a Bellwether for Harvey Weinstein?

Accused of Predatory Sexual Assault, like disgraced movie mogul Harvey Weinstein, Dr. Ricardo Cruciani, is back in court in Manhattan on Thursday, October 25th. He’s been charged with misusing his power differential to sexually exploit his patients. The Continue reading Is Cruciani a Bellwether for Harvey Weinstein?

#TimesUp and The Importance of #FGKIA!

Consent = Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement! #FGKIA

Will #TimesUp, the new sexual harassment awareness effort by prominent women of stature, ignite the fire that eradicates sexual assault? If they do the following, they will!!

Standardize CONSENT PROVISIONS in penal codes

across the US and beyond!

#MeToo exposed the problem of sexual assault and harassment. Now we need to go the next step and secure the solution!

Why is correctly defining and standardizing “consent” so important? Continue reading #TimesUp and The Importance of #FGKIA!

Salon’s Concern on Right-Wing #MeToo Backlash

Andrew Leonie, former TX Asst. Deputy Attorney General, stepped down after mocking #MeToo

Today, Amanda Marcotte at Salon ran a valuable piece on the conservative attempt to trash the #MeToo movement. I agree; it’s coming!

Instead of being appalled at the vast quantity of complaints, and recognizing how wide-spread sexual assault and sexual harassment actually are, they are misusing “quantity” to obfuscate and diminish reality. In their convoluted interpretation, the larger and more exposed the problem gets, the less it can be believed. Nothing is further from the truth. Their rationale simply reveals how corrupted their values truly are.

I wrote a response to the Salon article. Please give it a “like” in the comment section for Salon.

There are people who, as a result of their DNA and their developmental issues, lack the brain chemistry that produces appropriate caring for their fellow man and makes them me-centric. They are unable to grasp why they have no right to impose their sexual desires on another. They look at others as objects of their desires, not human beings deserving of respect. There are a lot of them. And they carry out their assaults, victim after victim, which is why so many people have been harmed.

This objectifying of victims, mostly women, will not stop by exposure alone. There needs to be teeth in the laws that guide behavior. Without it, evil people will simply continue to harm others. There must be penal code that prevents them from doing so. We do not have it.

Although the ItsOnUs Pledge states clearly “Non-consensual sex is a sexual assault,” this language has NOT been enacted into the penal code of any state. And if it were, it would still require correctly defining the meaning of consent- freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement, #FGKIA, into law. Without doing so, sexual assault will continue. Adopting these two important statements into law will stop rape mentality!

Call your legislator! Turn them into law, today!

#FGKIA

Pistorius Murdered his Betrayal Bonded Lover!

oscar-pistorius

South Africa’s highest court finally provided justice for betrayal bonded Reeva Steenkamp, the beautiful model who Paralymipc star, Oscar Pistorius, love-bombed and tormented. On December 3, in Bloemfontein, South Africa, Justice Eric Leach overturned the prior decision of Justice Masipa to disqualify  the charge of murder in favor of a lesser charge, equivalent to manslaughter. Continue reading Pistorius Murdered his Betrayal Bonded Lover!

The Tsunami of Invalidation- Recovering Trust

Victims of sexual assault by fraud often think all is lost and they’ll never be able to trust again. Not only were they harmed by a scammer, but the emotional supports they counted on caused them further pain.

Tsunami’s are most often created by sudden movements on the ocean’s floor such as earthquakes or mudslides. They’re the backlash of displacement. This natural event mirrors the seismic wave Continue reading The Tsunami of Invalidation- Recovering Trust

What do Monopoly and Oscar Pistorius have in common? 

From Milton Bradley's popular game, Monopoly
From Milton Bradley’s popular game, Monopoly

Drilling four bullet holes into his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, wasn’t sufficient to convict Oscar Pistorius, famous South African, double amputee and Olympic runner, for murder.  His jail term on a manslaughter conviction, 5 years, meant spending only 12 months behind bars. He’ll serve the balance of his sentence under house arrest. Pistorius gets his Get Out of Jail (almost) Free card on October 20th.

Continue reading What do Monopoly and Oscar Pistorius have in common? 

Guilty of sexual assault by fraud in Australia!

Guilty of #rapebyfraud
Billy Tamawiwy

Canberra, Australia, Sept 25th- Found guilty of Sexual Intercourse Without Consent! The Canberra Times

Update:

ACT News reports: Tamawiwy sentenced to close to 5 years for rape by fraud!

Justice Richard Refshauge on Wednesday, (11/11/2015,) sentenced Tamawiwy to four years and 10 months’ jail, with a non-parole period of two years and two months.

Tamawiwy is likely to be deported to Indonesia once he’s released.

Read more: http://www.canberratimes.com.au/act-news/man-who-used-fake-female-facebook-profile-in-rape-sentenced-to-almost-five-years-20151111-gkw8wg.html#ixzz3rJqgzBDW
Follow us: @canberratimes on Twitter | CanberraTimes on Facebook

Billy Tamawiwy was declared guilty today on charges that he used deceit to obtain consent to sex from a teen aged boy. His elaborate hoax included alcohol and pretending he was a woman. Seems he told the victim that having sex with him was a requirement to having Continue reading Guilty of sexual assault by fraud in Australia!

Overt vs. Covert Rape- What’s the difference?

nickels

I wish I had a nickel for every time someone told me “Rape by Fraud isn’t Real Rape!”

Back in 1982, Susan Estrich,

  • Fox News Legal Commentator,
  • University of Southern California Law Professor,
  • First female to become President of Harvard Law Review,
  • Campaign Manager for Dukakis/Bentzen’s Presidential bid,

launched her account of rape by fraud. Guess what the name of her book is…… Real Rape.

Susan Estrich is my hero! Without her brave attempt at setting Continue reading Overt vs. Covert Rape- What’s the difference?

Free.. from rape…. at last?

Fireworks

My wish for every rape by fraud victim, as we celebrate the independence that set our country free, is freedom from the pervasive bondage of defilement that binds hearts and impedes souls. Continue reading Free.. from rape…. at last?

California- The Land of In-Between

California

California still uses the word “rape” in its penal code.

It has laws that outlaw some, but not all types of rape by fraud! It’s a start! The laws passed in 2013. The case that inspired the change was People v Morales.

According to the case records, Julio Morales snuck into bed with a sleeping victim while her bedroom was dark. Morales’s account indicates that he changed her Continue reading California- The Land of In-Between

Oxytocin Wins Scientific Grants for UF!

Neuropeptide

The neuropeptide, oxytocin, has been linked to many beneficial characteristics and behaviors in both humans and other mammals. Considered the “Love Molecule” by Dr. Paul Zak in his groundbreaking book, The Moral Molecule, How Trust Works, it has become a hot topic, drawing funds for in-depth analysis by scientific researchers.

Melissa Brown reported the following for The Independent Florida Alligator:

Continue reading Oxytocin Wins Scientific Grants for UF!

The Voice of Supporters- Stop Sex By Fraud!

supporters

Nay-Sayers are not the only voices!

We’ve heard all the nay-saying silliness that folks who oppose “Sexual Assault by Fraud” laws come up with. And we’ve seen the ridiculous scenarios that the media creates in order to sensationalize, by stoking the fire of opposition….. Continue reading The Voice of Supporters- Stop Sex By Fraud!

Oxytocin at its finest!

Barbara Tage

The neuropeptide, oxytocin, along with others, provides connection “chemistry.”

Some people are more easily seduced because they’re more compelled by bonding chemistry than others. In the case of Barbara Tatge, a Boston Marathon runner from TN, she seemed immediately smitten by a man she randomly kissed, Continue reading Oxytocin at its finest!

I would swim across the ocean to be with you!

swim

How many love-bombed victims of toxic romance have heard this type of endearing commitment from a sociopathic lover?

“You’re so beautiful,” and “I’ll love you forever,” are more of the same. When it comes out of the mouth of a man pledging undying love while his wife of sixteen years waits for him in a far away place, Continue reading I would swim across the ocean to be with you!

“I Thought I’d Lose You!”

kicked to the curb

 

“Ya think?” is how many folks react when they hear the lame excuse for why people lie to have sex with them. Here’s what that comment really means…..

“I knew if I pretended to be something I wasn’t, you’d have sex with me,” and conversely, “I knew if I told you the truth Continue reading “I Thought I’d Lose You!”

The Good, the Bad, and the Scammers

scrabble

There are loads of good people in the world who wouldn’t hurt a flea. And there are folks who are obvious villains. But scam artists are pretty difficult to spot in order to tell the difference between the two.

They look and sound like caring human beings, but they’re not. Someone who lies to you, in order to seduce you, has little or no emotional empathy. Continue reading The Good, the Bad, and the Scammers