In the US, several states and territories have an absurd way of dealing with “consent.” They attempt to define the word by what it’s not instead of what it is. And our system of justice nonsensically changes “consent” with its application. Whether consent is applied to cyber security, theft, medical research, sexual assault, etc., consent is always the same thing….. #FGKIA, Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement.
Cyber security has accurately defined consent through General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR): Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Retractable Agreement. (Condensed version)
Medical Research has accurately defined consent through Nuremberg Code: Freely Given, (not induced by force, duress or deception), Agreement. (Condensed version)
But our lawmakers have failed to accurately define consent through Penal Code. Why not? Because many of them really don’t want to! A huge swath of their constituents feel entitled to sexually assaulting you, and too many of those legislators value their jobs more than they value your safety!
Why is defining something by what it’s not a bizarre approach?
The list of what it’s not is infinity minus what it is. So making claims about what it’s not is a backwards way to look at a definition.
Don’t mean to be insulting, just trying to make a point…. Here are some of the things consent is not:
It’s not a Jello pudding pop.
It’s not a sand castle.
It’s not a neutral color of paint for your living room.
On what planet is defining “what it’s not” the same as defining “what it is?” And even when you add the caveat that what it’s not is “not limited to the following,” you can bet that law enforcement, prosecutors, judges and juries, will apply the oldest legal doctrine, Nulla peona sine lege – “What is not expressly prohibited by law is permissible,” on a case by case basis.
At least Montana gets
it right by doing it backwards
Montana’s statute #45-5-501(1)(a), applies all the Model Penal Code “Consent Provision” elements of “force, duress (coercion,) and deception, which is consistent with the definition of consent; #FGKIA, Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement.
If your legislators bury their heads in the sand to pretend they don’t see that consent is freely given knowledgeable and informed agreement, point them to my TEDx Talk, GDPR, Nuremberg Code, Model Penal Code and Montana’s Law.
But even Montana can benefit by adding the clarification that consent is “freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement” to its statutes to make the meaning of consent crystal clear.
He was the man of her dreams all right….. a six foot tall, outrageously handsome, charismatic, charming, and intelligent nightmare!
For a twenty-something back in the early 70’s, there was no literature or common knowledge about character disorder. No one warned that sexual predators could con you without giving off the slightest glimmer of suspicion….. that they have no sense of remorse and can rip your heart and your life to shreds without batting an eye!
Long before #MeToo and #TimesUp placed sexual assault at the forefront of media, Carnal Abuse by Deceitcreated the conversation about the true meaning of consent. Through its heart wrenching story and analysis, you’ll recognize how devastating being scammed for sex is. And if this unscrupulous crime happened to you, you’ll find the words to express your pain and launch yourself down the road to recovery!
Get it for yourself, and give it to all the nay-sayers in your life that try to invalidate, trivialize, and shame you for being victimized by an unscrupulous CAD.
In contrast to last year’s Hay Festival… the annual literature and arts festival conducted each year in Hay-on-Wye, Wales, comedian Jo Brand gave rousing support to the #MeToo movement. As reported by The Guardian, she stated: “I feel it is something we need to keep pushing at. It was going in the right direction until certain people said, ‘Oh they’ve had their say, can they not be quiet now?’” She blamed most of the negative backlash on men, many of whom worked for the Daily Mail.
Last year, Germaine Greer, an Australian academic, writer and intellectual often associated with the feminist movement, actually stated “Most rapes don’t involve any injury, whatsoever.” She cavalierly likened “nonconsensual sex” to “just bad sex.”
Brand is no stranger to sexual harassment.
Brand was threatened with gang rape at the age of 20. And while performing a comedy routine, a heckler pulled out his penis and demanded that she “Suck my d##k!” She ran off the stage in horror and was admonished by management for ending her set 2 minutes early.
Although Brand’s Hay Festival comments were an uptick from last year, they still lack clarity on the importance of defining #CONSENT in our laws – the single most critical key to conquering sexual assault! Perhaps next year will find us closer to achieving the real recognition that wakes up society and brings this defilement and the predators who commit it to their knees!
Kudos to Eve Wiley from Dallas TX, who inspired a precedent setting sexual assault by fraud bill, approved by legislators in Austin yesterday!
Speaking about the offender, Representative Stephanie Klick, the bill’s sponsor in the House of Representatives, said, “This is a person who you really trust and they betrayed you. This would be considered a rape because you are doing something without consent.”
Klick was referring to the case of Wiley’s mother who had been duped by Dr. Kim McMorries. As seen on ABC’s 20/20, he artificially inseminated her with his own sperm instead of that which she selected from donor #106. Wiley researched the donor database and learned who donor #106 was. She reached out to him and they formed a close knit, loving bond, only to find that he was not her father after all…… McMorries was.
While Klick’s comments were directed to the specific type of fraud committed by McMorries, her concept on the illegality of being defrauded of your sexual autonomy rings true for every single case of sexual assault by deception or impersonation.
A shot heard ’round the world?
Senate Bill 1259 demonstrates the overall problem with sexual assault laws in Texas. Texas has a provision about consent in their penal code. Section 1.07-19 clearly states “Consent is not effective if induced by force, threat or fraud.” But in case after case, when victims of sexual assault by fraud bring their claims to the police, they are told consent applies in theft but not in sexual assault. In fact a police Sergeant in Ft. Worth stated, “Consent is not an element of rape in Texas.” (The status of consent in each state and territory of the US is described in “Your Consent – The Key to Conquering Sexual Assault.”)
Texas is not alone in their failure to recognize or apply consent properly. As described in the TEDx Talk, “When YES Means NO – The Truth about Consent,” the recent Bill Cosby conviction demonstrated Pennsylvania’s failure to define consent. And even with the acquittal of Donald Grant Ward in Indiana, who admitted to defrauding a woman for sex, lawmakers were unable to pass a bill to recognize his conduct as a crime.
Hopefully, this Texas bill, once signed into law by Governor Greg Abbott, will serve as a launching pad to raise awareness about the use of fraud in sexual conduct and insure that anyone who uses deception to violate another person’s reproductive organs, is a criminal. Meanwhile, all nonconsensual sex is a crime, whether the state recognizes it or not!
Want CONSENT clearly defined in your state?
Donate to keep this movement alive! Any amount will help!
Watch #SeedOfDoubt on ABC’s 20/20 tomorrow night, 10/9c, to see yet another way the laws of Texas denies justice to its residents!
Be sure to watch this compelling story, and contact your legislators to demand that “fraud” be an element of sexual assault in your state!
20/20’s episode shows how a young woman who came to life as the product of artificial insemination, believed her father was donor #106, and they enjoyed a close father/daughter bond….. except….he wasn’t really her father.
Consent is the critical key that should separate lawful contact with a victim’s reproductive organs from unlawful contact. Yet in Texas, sexual assault law does not protect against a fertility doctor swapping sperm to implant his patient…. a decidedly vicious sexual assault by fraud.
Consent is not simply agreement.
Consent is freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement, #FGKIA.
Unless and until Texas Penal Code applies consent appropriately and states that all conduct involving a person’s reproductive system – that lacks consent – is a crime, criminal behavior such as this will continue to fall through legal loopholes.
Swapping sperm violates victims on several fronts:
Fraud vitiates the consent form which was required in order to perform the medical procedure since the patient was not knowledgeable….. rendering the medical procedure an illegal act.
Fraud violates the victim’s sexual autonomy, a sexual assault, because the patient was not knowledgeable and informed. She could only “assent” which means “agreement on the face of it.” She could not “consent” which means “freely given. knowledgeable and informed agreement.”
In matters of reproduction, fraud creates the bond of pseudo-family. Revelation could be devastating to all parties.
The laws of Texas are upon you, or, at least, they should be
In Texas, “consent” is ignored where rape and sexual assault is concerned. In several efforts to report rapes to various precincts, police officers, and even a Sergeant, recently told victims, “Consent is not an element of rape in Texas.”
Violating consent is clear when someone steals property…. but the same consent provision that protects property is not applied in protecting a person’s sexual autonomy. Instead, the legislators of Texas have chosen specific acts of sexual assault to prosecute… a system consistent with using an umbrella made of Swiss cheese to protect against a storm.
Texas should take a cue from Missouri or from my TEDx Talk!
Unlike Texas where fraud only protects against theft and not sexual assault, Missouri’s Rape in the 2nd Degree statute clearly states: “Assent is not consent when induced by force, duress or deception,” While Missouri expresses when consent does not take place, my TEDx Talk, “When YES Means NO – The Truth about Consent,” clearly defines what consent actually is – Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement. #FGKIA!
Did the patient freely give the doctor knowledgeable and informed agreement? There’s no Swiss cheese when #FGKIA is applied. It’s an all-encompassing umbrella!
Kudos to Abby Ellin for getting this right!! As an author about a very contentious subject, I’m often concerned about my words getting twisted, but Ms. Ellin was thorough about the important points and spot-on in the message she’s conveyed.
The #FGKIA definition for consent, “Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement,” is the REAL definition for consent. We need to drive #FGKIA into the consciousness of society! Adopting this language into law will not only open society’s eyes to defrauding victims of sex, but will help conquer all forms of sexual assault! We can no longer tolerate our legislators picking and choosing specific types of sexual assaults to prosecute, when ALL FORMS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT IS – WAS – AND FOREVER WILL BE A CRIME!
Failure to recognize this definition not only impacts sex by deception victims, but prevents society from understanding what actually constitutes rape.
For the NY Times to be dealing with the issue of sexual assault by deception is a huge step forward to enlighten society. Please read this article and write your opinion in the comment section. Use your voice to make the world a safer place!
Were you denied a police report when you summoned the courage to unburden your soul at a precinct? Did your aching heart get re-victimized when they told you the damage you suffered was not enough to warrant their attention?
Almost one year from the date of disgraced comedian Bill Cosby’s conviction as a sexual predator, April 26,2018, a new book will be released that supports, categorically, that my recommended definition for #CONSENT – Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement, #FGKIA, – is absolutely correct!
Huge thanks to Nina, from New Jersey, for passing this information along!
Page Six covered the story of the book’s release yesterday. Fortunately, the foreperson for the jury, Cheryl Carmel, had been working with a newly enacted European data protection law. She told her fellow jurors, “This is the most far-reaching law anywhere in the world for individual privacy, and the basis of the law centers around an individual’s ‘consent.’ ”
The Page Six article states:
The definition of consent in this privacy law states it must be freely given, specific, informed and unambiguous. It must be given by a clear affirmative act; it must be demonstrated that each of the above tests occurred, and it must be able to be withdrawn at any time.
“This is the privacy definition,” she said. “Surely, there is a specific legal definition of consent for criminal acts such as aggravated indecent assault.”
It turns out there isn’t, at least not in Pennsylvania.
The jury sent a note to the judge, requesting a definition of the word. The judge replied in open court. His reply was perplexing to the jury; they were informed that there isn’t a definition — that is, Pennsylvania law does not offer a definition of “consent,” and the judge advised the jurors to define the word for themselves.
Convicting sexual predators cannot rely on Cheryl Carmel being the foreperson for every sexual assault jury!
As I clearly stated in my TEDx Talk, every state and territory must have a clearly stated and accurate definition for consent that guides people’s behavior and holds sexual predators accountable. My TEDx Talk and my book, “Your Consent – The Key to Conquering Sexual Assault” focuses on the consent issues from state to state and clearly explains why Nonconsensual Sex Is Sexual Assault, and CONSENT is Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement, #FGKIA!
It’s not over ’til it’s over, and you can do your part to insure it never happens again!
One of the oldest doctrines in law is “Nulla poena sine lege.” (How old? It’s Latin! It dates all the way back to the Roman era.) It basically means, “What is not prohibited by law is permissible.” This doctrine keeps the gates open on whether the judge and jury were within the bounds of PA law in determining Bill Cosby’s fate, a premise Cosby’s attorneys will likely argue upon appeal.
This doctrine and its application are the route of why we must have an overall recognition that nonconsensual sex is sexual assault in our penal codes. Law makers could not even begin to state the infinite ways a person can be sexually assaulted, just as they cannot possibly predict the infinite ways a person can be murdered. We know when someone kills another person by any means, they are a murderer. Our laws must reflect that when someone sexually violates a person by any means, they are a sexual predator committing a sexual assault.
You can help make a difference!
You can stand up for defining consent as #FGKIA in the laws of every state, including PA, and establishing that Nonconsensual Sex IS, WAS and ALWAYS WILL BE, Sexual Assault!
Help get this across to society by doing the following today:
Tulipan, an Argentine condom manufacturer, created new packaging to promote the “No Means No” concept of consent. Their box requires four hands to open. But this packaging fails to recognize that someone can be forced, coerced or deceived into cooperating. And when that happens, CONSENT is not present no matter how many hands have stirred this pot!
Less than 15% of Argentine men are estimated to actually use condoms. Never-the-less, this version of consent confusion intensifies the mischaracterization of consent as agreement by any means. While “No” always means “No,” “Yes” only means “yes” when it is “freely given, knowledgeable and informed. #FGKIA!”
Just like a Marlboro cigarette box is required to display a warning, Tulipan’s boxes should bear this notice:
“Regardless of how many hands open this box, consent is not present if either party has been forced, coerced or deceived to secure their agreement to sexual conduct.”
Rodin’s figure of The Thinker was originally cast for his design of “The Gates of Hell,” the entrance way to a museum that was never built. It’s planned use seems analogous to the harm all rape victims endure, regardless of how they were raped. And it’s high time all of society rethinks what constitutes sex vs. what constitutes sexual assault!
Will you be in NYC on March 23rd? If so, you’ll receive a warm welcome at the Church of the Advent Hope when I address the congregation on:
What does CONSENT really mean?
As all who read this Web Page know, “Consent” is the crucial weapon in the war on sexual assault! Come help spread the word and find out what you can do to create a society of consent-aware children, our best hope for a safer future.
It took me 4 years to write my first book, Carnal Abuse by Deceit. I published it in 2013. That means I began the process of trying to straighten out society’s understanding and laws on rape ten years ago. In those ten years, I’ve probably seen every definition of assent, acquiescence and consent that exists in the English language, right, wrong, and in between.
And I’ve recognized that society has a knee jerk reaction to considering non-violent sexual assaults as “rape.” I’ve learned not to split hairs over semantics; particularly because sexual assaults that are non-violent should be considered a lesser offense than violent sexual assaults. But all sexual assaults, whether violent or non-violent, should be covered by penal code because every victim who is sexually assaulted is defiled, whether or not violence was used against them.
Except for the misunderstandings that lump assent, consent, and acquiescence all together as synonyms – which they’re not – you’ll see that assent is a superficial type of agreement. Anyone who nods their head and says “yes” is assenting.
In 1946, an American military tribunal conducted military, criminal proceedings against 23 German medical professionals for their crimes against the human race. They had cooperated in or conducted ghoulish experiments using live humans during World War II. The Nuremberg trials, as they were known, gave voice to Nuremberg Code which guides medical experiments throughout the US. Nuremberg Code identifies that even a child, who has not yet reached the age of reason, can assent. Simply saying “yes” is assenting,
Nuremberg Code also tells us that saying yes when you have all the facts, are capable of reason, and are not being pressured, is “consenting.” Nuremberg Code requires the subject of a medical experiment to “consent.” If that subject is a child, their agreement could only be considered as “assent.” In order to conduct such an experiment, the child would have to sign an “assent” form. The parent or legal guardian would sign a “consent” form.
When a person acquiesces, they are assenting. But not everyone who assents is acquiescing. They could be agreeing but not because of fear. Acquiescence is agreement under duress, (fear/pressure.) You could also say that acquiescing is assenting under duress. But as Nuremberg Code points out, a person who consents must do so of their own free will. So a person who is pressured by fear to assent is not consenting. They are acquiescing.
In legal discussion regarding contracts, your assent can be nullified if the basic facts by which you assented were misrepresented (fraud). Although you agreed on the face of the information you were given, your assent is vitiated. Since you were not knowledgeable and informed, although you assented, you did not consent.
Why are these differences important?
We need for society to understand the difference between various types of agreement in crystal clear, simple terms. Our law makers are clear that we need “consent” to engage in sex. But they are clear as mud, and frequently incorrect, about what consent actually is.
In practice, from coast to coast, what is not expressly prohibited under the law is permissible: therefore, until we express that “nonconsensual sex is sexual assault, and consent is freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement” in our laws, all instances in which a specific defiling act takes place without a specific penal code prohibition, that conduct cannot be prosecuted.
Several states say your “words and overt actions” are consent. Nope, if your words and overt actions result from force, duress, or deception, they are absolutely not consent. “No” means no, but “yes” only means yes when it’s not induced by force, duress, or deception. Only in rare cases do our laws uphold this principle.
As I’ve struggled with the process of motivating legislators to deal with this issue, I’ve seen that their interest in ignoring deception is deliberate. It’s far too consistent to be otherwise. Model Penal Code’s description, “Consent is ineffective if induced by force, duress or deception,” is too widely known for the omission of deception to be seen as simply an oversight or not relevant.
Our law makers have been truly callous to the harm a person suffers when they are tricked into sex, and they envision that these cases will “clog up our courts.” The fact that the victim’s self determination over their reproductive organs has been violated is irrelevant to them. The end result; however, is that their failure to identify what consent really means feeds the rape mentality that harms sexual assault victims all across the spectrum.
What can be done about it?
#MeToo and #TimesUp have identified that sexual assault is rampant, but even their efforts fail to reach to the core of the problem. Correctly defining consent in our laws would guide behavior and hold sexual predators, who prey on people for sexual contact in a myriad of ways, accountable.
Very few states correctly identify the relationship between assent and consent. Missouri is one of them. Missouri. 556.061 (14) states: “Assent does not constitute consent if (c.) It is induced by force, duress or deception.”
Why not? Because consent is freely given (not forced or coerced (duress)), knowledgeable and informed (not deceived) agreement. #FGKIA!
Yet when it came to prosecuting Mario Antoine, who tricked over 30 victims into sex, the SVU Prosecutor in Kansas City MO, Jill Icenhower, failed to prosecute.
Here’s Nuremberg Code:
“The person involved should have legal capacity to give consent; should be so situated as to be able to exercise free power of choice without the intervention of any element of force, fraud, deceit, duress, over-reaching, or other ulterior form of constraint or coercion; and should have sufficient knowledge as to enable him (or her) to make an understanding and enlightened decision.”
The solution for holding all sexual assault offenders accountable is for our laws to recognize that all –
Nonconsensual sex is sexual assault – and
Consent is Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement – #FGKIA!
This isn’t rocket science. It’s just plain common sense! Call your legislator and demand that they enact this new, consent-based language to prohibit all forms of sexual assault into the laws of your state, today!
Help to adopt appropriate laws to conquer sexual assault today! Read Your Consent and send it to your legislators.
HB 1584, the bill to address a gaping, rape loophole in Indiana’s laws – the one that failed to convict Donald Grant Ward of sexual assault – will not see the light of day in the 2019 legislative session.
Grant Ward, as his friends call him, climbed into the upper bunk where a female student was fast asleep in her boyfriend’s dark, dorm room at Purdue University. She awakened because she felt her breast being touched, and then… he sexually penetrated her.
Ward knew he was tricking her into thinking he was her boyfriend. He admitted so to the police. He was arrested for rape, He was acquitted on the basis that his conduct was not a crime in Indiana’s laws. To add insult to the already egregious injury he and the jury’s decision caused the victim, the judge expunged his criminal record.
Ward’s attorney, Kirk Freeman, exploited the weakness in Indiana’s laws by defending his client’s conduct and by preening about his behavior; referring to him as “my boy” like a proud papa. His attitude exemplifies the patriarchy that perpetuates rape mentality and continues, unabated, in Indiana.
Indiana’s laws say nothing about the type of sexual assault Ward conducted. Nor do they say anything about the definition of consent. This failure could have, and should have, been corrected in this legislative session. It won’t be. How many additional victims must be raped before Indiana’s legislators see the light?
What does this legislative failure say about safety in Indiana’s colleges and universities?
Personally, if I had a daughter, the very last place I’d send her off to school right now would be Indiana. While Purdue, Notre Dame, and Indiana State enjoy high rankings in educational excellence, I’d be horrified that the Indiana legislature showed gross disregard toward protecting my child, and concerned she could suffer a similar fate…….. with absolutely no accountability or justice. (And BTW- rape can happen to our sons as well as our daughters.) Given a choice, I’d be looking at universities in states where my child would be protected by appropriate laws.
As if this incident at Purdue were not enough to convince me to educate my child elsewhere, Purdue is currently being sued for expelling two students for reporting sexual assaults.
Some other states to consider
The Hon. Mandy Powers Norrell, South Carolina State Representative, is currently undertaking to protect the residents of her state from Ward’s behavior and further incidents of sexual assault. Her bill, H 3829, is pending in her state.
Alabama and Tennessee have existing laws that make Ward’s behavior a crime. Both laws are identified in my most recent book, Your Consent – The Key to Conquering Sexual Assault, which shows the consent provisions from coast to coast, explains why rape by fraud is a crime, and clearly defines how “consent” should be expressed in each and every state across the US and around the world.
What your raped daughter or son could face – for the rest of their lives
No matter what form of rape a person is subjected to, rape never leaves their psyche. Rape invades the most private part of a victim’s being and pollutes even the most remote corner of their mind. It takes a great deal of effort and therapy to learn to compartmentalize defilement into a part of one’s brain where it no longer interferes with daily functioning. Even once a survivor makes peace with what happened, they can be plagued with recurring suicidal ideation, depression and interpersonal dysfunction for life.
As a rape survivor, I, and millions of other survivors, have good reason to feel re-victimized by the oversight of Indiana’s legislators. While Donald Ward’s conduct harmed one victim, the legislative decision to ignore HB1584 failed millions of present, past, and future rape victims. Failure to pass this important bill lets the copy-cat out of the bag because it tells sexual predators that there are no consequences for conducting the heinous defilement of rape by fraud or impersonation in Indiana.
Society and our lawmakers must be clear on what consent really means in order to conquer sexual assault! Please register for this booklet today! Together we can fight sexual assault and make the world a safer place!
Every nickel from the proceeds of this book’s sales will be used to fight for sexual assault laws!
Suffering through sexual degradation impacts victims at their core. Their overwhelming sense of having been polluted is ever present, long after their ongoing contact with the offender stops. Escaping the grasp of a predator can be a horrific struggle. Even once achieved, an indelible suffering permeates one’s body and mind long into the future. Continue reading What’s the proper penalty for rape by fraud?→
Today, January 17, 2019, marks a day I’ve long awaited! The very first meaningful rape by fraud/deception/impersonation bill was introduced to Indiana’s House of Representatives this morning. HB 1584 was identified in a condensed reading by House Speaker Brian C. Bosna. It was authored by Rep. Donna Schaibley and supported by former Indiana State Representative, Sally Siegrist. Continue reading Indiana Launches Effort to Criminalize Rape by Deception!→
Interested in helping to fight sexual assault by fraud or deception, case by defiling case?
Survivors of sexual assault by fraud have an almost impossible obstacle to hurdle in order to recover. Our justice system fails to prosecute, even in states with specific rape by fraud laws like Missouri where “Assent is not consent when induced by force, duress or deception,” – second degree rape. We need to identify legal help for the countless victims who have suffered this heartless deceit, whether through a civil or criminal action!
If you have the skills and interest to put these cases on the judicial map and lay a foundation for justice for so many, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Please identify “I’m a lawyer in ……..” naming your state in your subject line.
Tonight’s broadcast of Nightline, (12:35 AM, Tuesday morning on ABC) is scheduled to cover the new bill that is soon to be submitted in Indiana on Rape by Impersonation. It features Joyce Short, Sally Siegrist, the State Representative who championed the legislative change, and Abigail Finney, the victim in the Donald Grant Ward case that Ms. Short discusses in her TEDx Talk,When YES Means NO – The Truth About Consent.
Barring that no major news event prevents this episode from airing, you can live tweet Ms. Short @jm_short using hashtag #FGKIA for Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement, the meaning of CONSENT!