In her very first question for our radio interview, Kaity Kline, Public Affairs Director for Rowan Radio On Demand, 89.7 WGLS FM, wanted to know; Why is it sexual assault even when the victim doesn’t expressly say “no” – like in the case of accused sexual predator, Harvey Weinstein?
A handcuffed Harvey Weinstein made his way into court today in lower Manhattan charged with rape and a criminal sex act. Whether he gets locked away or not will depend largely on whether Cy Vance, the Manhattan District Attorney, makes the case for applying the Continue reading Harvey Weinstein clearly lacked “consent!”
Who’s laughing now!!!
For Cosby’s countless victims, and I say “countless” because I’m sure there were far more who didn’t reveal their personal stories for a myriad of reasons, recovery just took a giant step forward!
Defilement makes you feel dirty all the way to the core of your being. Our reproductive organs are a primal part of our very existence. For sexual predators, that connection to our inner self is incidental to their interest in playing out their deviant sex acts on our bodies.
Defilement makes the victim feel violated, isolated and invisible. Validation makes us feel accepted once again. Justice provides that validation. Every victim of defilement deserves justice, no matter what device or manipulation was used to violate them, whether by force, duress, or deception.
Hopefully, Cosby’s conviction will serve as an awakening to law enforcement that “acquaintance rapes,” which they’ve long turned a deaf ear to, are every bit as devastating to the victim as being raped by a stranger. In fact, the reality that someone you trust can be so utterly cruel adds an entire dimension to your pain.
Far from an isolated incident
Two weeks ago, I testified to a joint committee of NYC’s City Council who were addressing the New York Police Dept. (NYPD,) over their systemic lack of responsiveness to acquaintance rapes. Councilman Donovan Richards, Chairman of the Public Safety Committee said,
“It’s no wonder that victims don’t report more often. And it seems that NYPD is just fine with victims of sex crimes being ignored.”
The stories told by victims were inspiring, but only two lower level police employees remained to hear them. ALL the top brass, including Chief Monahan, had left the building. “Seriously??” C’mon!!
So what’s next for Cosby?
Certainly not a comeback for his comedy career, unless it’s entertaining other inmates!
Prosecutor Kevin Steele asked Judge Steven O’Neill to revoke the million dollar bail that keeps Cosby free. But Judge O’Neill sent him home under house arrest to his Cheltenham, PA, sprawling estate. The maximum penalty for his offenses is 30 years behind bars, but his attorney, Tom Mesereau has pledged to file an appeal.
DA Steele laid legal groundwork to admit the testimony of additional victims, beyond Andrea Constand, who Cosby assaulted. Although Steele had asked for nineteen victims, O’Neill agreed to five. Mesereau will likely say their testimony was prejudicial. Steele will respond that the state has the right to establish a pattern of conduct when similar methods of operation exist. Using the DOCTRINE OF CHANCES, is allowed in evidence. It’s role is to demonstrate that the accused is unlikely to be innocent when their criminal behavior is consistent time and time again.
Another issue the defense is likely to raise is that the judge’s wife is an advocate for sexual assault victims at the University of Pennsylvania. Having a spouse with a view consistent with the findings of the court; however, does not automatically rule out the judge.
Their may be additional rulings made by the judge that the defense will seize on.
Absurdities in this case
I find it astonishing that Cosby insisted he had the consent of a gay woman. How on earth did he possibly feel anyone could believe she willingly agreed?
In his civil deposition, he admitted he didn’t know if he had Constand’s consent. Pennsylvania’s legislators need to seriously address the fact that its penal code fails to clearly define what consent is….. Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement! #FGKIA. This fact is what made it impossible to lock up Cosby the first time around, and it was necessary to torment additional accusers by subjecting them to “slut shaming” in order to get Cosby put away.
Sentencing must take place within ninety days. Because he’s legally blind, and an advanced age, options for incarceration could include a minimum security prison or even an institution for assisted living.
Cosby claimed he’s not a flight risk because he doesn’t own a private plane…. as if he doesn’t have the money to purchase that service. While the saga for Cosby is ongoing, at least the victims have the satisfaction that their tireless, painful efforts were finally rewarded and that they’ve inspired drastically needed change!
I’m often asked why having the ability to seek justice is so important for victims of sexual fraud. I’ve seen that the pursuit of justice, regardless of the outcome, can bring a sense of closure and empowerment that turns victims into survivors. Continue reading Finding Closure After Exploitation- Lauren’s Story- Part 1
A state with a brain!
Virginia’s Penal Code addresses rape by fraud in a clear manner. Using “ruse” to undermine a victim’s consent is considered Sexual Battery, a Class 1 misdemeanor.
Crimes like the one committed by Donald Ward in Indiana, should qualify as Sexual Battery by Ruse in Virginia. Ward crept into the bed of a sleeping co-ed at Purdue University and engaged her in sex. The victim was asleep in her boyfriend’s bed and believed Ward was him.
Virginia’s treatment of sexual assaults is sensible. Their penal code divides misconduct by forcible and aggravated cases and lessor crimes. Initial violent convictions result in felony charges, but repeat misdemeanor offenses will raise the level of the charge to a felony.
Most sexual battery offenses, whether violent or not, will result in mandatory registration on the sex offender list.
Additionally, Virginia will prosecute offenders who transmit Aids, HIV, Hepatitis B or Syphillis.
If you’ve been sexually assaulted through a ruse in Virginia, please notify me at StopRomanceScams@ymail.com.
Code of Virginia § 18.2-67.4 – Sexual battery
18.2-67.4. Sexual battery.
A. An accused is guilty of sexual battery if he sexually abuses, as definedin 18.2-67.10, (i) the complaining witness against the will of the complaining witness, by force, threat, intimidation, or ruse.
B. Sexual battery is a Class 1 misdemeanor.
Until #MeToo, rape mentality was far more widespread than society recognized. The fact that so many celebrities, politicians, successful businessmen and more were recently exposed for abhorrent sexual acts, shows how well-hidden rape mentality has been. Even the President of the United States thinks that forcing his wife into sex is acceptable behavior – a recognition that Continue reading What is Rape Mentality and How Can We Stop It?
Lafayette IN- Donald Grant Ward, was found “not guilty” of rape by fraud by an Indiana court on Tuesday, Feb 6, 2018. Ward, a Purdue student, was accused of stealing into the victim’s bed, under the cover of darkness, and pretending to be her lover. He was not acquitted on the merits of the accusation, but rather on whether, in Indiana, his conduct constituted a crime. The verdict clearly demonstrates that Indiana’s rape laws need fixing! Continue reading Scathing Rape by Fraud Loss in Indiana!
I truly hate being an “I told you so,” And nothing could make me dislike this role more than knowing that 156 unfortunate girls suffered a horribly defiling crime – one that I’ve been jumping up and down to stop for the past 5+ years!
Yesterday, Dr. Lawrence Nassar, former USA Gymnastics team doctor, was sentenced to a 175 year prison term after 156 of his sexual assault victims stepped forward. He’d molested them by using Continue reading Olympic Doc shines glaring light on #SexualAssaultByFraud!
Amid shouts of “Hey-hey, ho-ho, Donald Trump has gotta go!” and “Trump is not my President, You’re fired White House resident!” throngs of women, men and children wound our way through the streets of midtown Manhattan yesterday. The sea of hopeful faces marched forward in solidarity with hope for renewed political integrity and equality for all mankind.
While I try to refrain from comparing anyone’s pain to the harm experienced by others, recent political impacts have helped me recognize how struggling through injustice with no possible relief makes people feel invisible. Hearing hate speech and seeing sexual dysfunction from institutions we relied on as the source of decency, cuts deeply into our collective self esteem. It was uplifting to travel together, surrounded by those who embraced morality and humanity, even if only for four hours.
The sight of the Trump Hotel inspired my sense of irony as I invited my favorite New York State Assembly Member, Rebecca Seawright, to join me in holding up my poster: CONSENT = #FGKIA, Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement. I pray we can see these words indelibly inscribed into the penal code of NY and every state before we march again in 2019!
You can help by calling your legislators to demand that they make it happen! #FGKIA can be the solution for #MeToo, #TimesUp and the gross confusion over sexual assault and sexual harassment that enables sexual predators like Weinstein, Cosby, Moore and Trump to go unpunished. It can end the invisibility that sex crimes create in a world blinded by ignorance!
Call your legislator and say, #FGKIA – Sign it into law today!
5 to 6 PM on Friday, January 19th
Listeners are welcome to call-in and voice their opinions and questions at 212-650-6903.
This broadcast will be live-video-streamed at WHCR.org for viewers around the world. And listeners can tune in to 90.3 FM.
Here’s your opportunity to speak up and show your support for #FGKIA law! I’m counting on you!
Colorado revised their statutes on sex crimes in 2016. In doing so, they recognized certain, but not all, rape by fraud crimes.
Their laws make a critical distinction between sex crimes with or without penetration. The former is “sexual assault.” The later is “sexual contact.” The degree of the crime determines the ultimate Continue reading Colorado’s Rape Laws- Updated, but antiquated!
To people who understand the meaning of consent, it seems that last night, the police at the Midtown North Precinct in Manhattan, lead by Commanding Officer Peter J. Venice, aided and abetted a sex criminal.
The victim, I’ll call her Jennifer, read her complaint from a prepared statement because she was nervous and upset. The female desk officer, Officer Balslov, read her statement and said: “I’m not following you. I can’t do anything with this,” as she tried to hand the paper back to Jennifer. “You’re just angry because you found out he was married.”
Balslov certainly got that part right…. the victim is plenty angry and has every right to be!
The denial of his marriage by the offender, Bill, made every bit of sex they engaged in a sexual affront – sexual misconduct – against her!
His lie about his marital status, a lie he perpetuated over several months, deprived her of her right to make an informed decision about her body. Instead he undermined her free will by falsifying information that was critical to her, and engaged her in adulteress sex. The thought that he misused her reproductive organs this way is appalling to her.
A serial offender
Bill’s done this before….. multiple times. He leads women into thinking he’s marrying them. In fact he goes down to the courthouse with them to obtain a marriage license. Then he leaves them “standing at the alter.” One woman he did this to committed suicide.
Not only did he express his intentions to spend his life with Jennifer, he conducted unprotected sex with her on the belief that he wanted to start a family with her.
Enter Sergeant Alicia
“But you had a relationship with this man,” argued Sergeant Alicia, Balslav’s superior officer.
“No, I never had a relationship with THAT man. The man I had a relationship with was single, not him!” said Jennifer.
Relationships not only don’t matter, they make the harm even more deplorable!
Sergeant Alicia should know that sex crimes take place whether the victim knows the assailant or not. It’s the reason that the rape exemption for married couples bit the dust in NYC many years ago. And the federal government followed suit in recognizing that a spouse could be raped. Commander Venice should properly inform his officers that violence between strangers is not the only way to commit a sex crime. And when that offense is committed over and over again, the pain of discovery can be overwhelming.
An ignorant legal department weighs in
Sergeant Alicia excused himself to call the “legal department.” When he returned he said, “They said you don’t have a crime; but you can hire a lawyer and file a civil complaint.”
The job of our legal system is to provide relief in the form of justice for people who are wronged. Jennifer is not after money. Money won’t help her restore the dignity he stole from her. That’s what criminal actions are for. That, and the protection it provides for society.
Jennifer wants to make sure that no one else Bill meets ends up committing suicide as a result of getting swept into his deranged concept of entertainment.
“Did he hold you down and make you do it?” asked Alicia.
Sergeant Alicia was confused about what the term “sexual misconduct” means, and what “consent” means. Sexual misconduct, in NY State, is charged when the parties “engage in” sex without consent. It’s a Class A Misdemeanor. “Engaging in” does not mean that violence is present, despite Alicia’s denials and statements to the contrary. And his concept that anyone can “consent” to “engage in” sex when their brain is deliberately blindfolded by the offender is pure balderdash!
Could this be the case that opens society’s eyes to the real meaning of CONSENT?
I sure hope it is. Stay tuned!
You can help by reading Combating Romance Scams, Why Lying to Get Laid Is a Crime! and calling your legislators to demand #FGKIA law.
Will #TimesUp, the new sexual harassment awareness effort by prominent women of stature, ignite the fire that eradicates sexual assault? If they do the following, they will!!
Standardize CONSENT PROVISIONS in penal codes
across the US and beyond!
#MeToo exposed the problem of sexual assault and harassment. Now we need to go the next step and secure the solution!
Why is correctly defining and standardizing “consent” so important? Continue reading #TimesUp and The Importance of #FGKIA!
Today, Amanda Marcotte at Salon ran a valuable piece on the conservative attempt to trash the #MeToo movement. I agree; it’s coming!
Instead of being appalled at the vast quantity of complaints, and recognizing how wide-spread sexual assault and sexual harassment actually are, they are misusing “quantity” to obfuscate and diminish reality. In their convoluted interpretation, the larger and more exposed the problem gets, the less it can be believed. Nothing is further from the truth. Their rationale simply reveals how corrupted their values truly are.
There are people who, as a result of their DNA and their developmental issues, lack the brain chemistry that produces appropriate caring for their fellow man and makes them me-centric. They are unable to grasp why they have no right to impose their sexual desires on another. They look at others as objects of their desires, not human beings deserving of respect. There are a lot of them. And they carry out their assaults, victim after victim, which is why so many people have been harmed.
This objectifying of victims, mostly women, will not stop by exposure alone. There needs to be teeth in the laws that guide behavior. Without it, evil people will simply continue to harm others. There must be penal code that prevents them from doing so. We do not have it.
Although the ItsOnUs Pledge states clearly “Non-consensual sex is a sexual assault,” this language has NOT been enacted into the penal code of any state. And if it were, it would still require correctly defining the meaning of consent- freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement, #FGKIA, into law. Without doing so, sexual assault will continue. Adopting these two important statements into law will stop rape mentality!
Call your legislator! Turn them into law, today!
Log onto BlogTalkRadio to hear Dr. Brenda Wade and I discuss how the same neurotransmitters that got you hooked into a toxic relationship can help you unhook and reclaim your life! Click this link.
You can also secure “20 Ways to Combat Sorrow and Loss Around the Holidays” by using this link.
I sincerely hope that these efforts help you have your happiest holiday season ever!
Like a magnet, yesterday’s senate vote in Alabama glued sexual assault victims to their news sources to watch the count unfold! I too rode the peaks and valleys with mixed joy and bewilderment as the results seesawed back and forth. Jones’s ultimate victory restored my faith in mankind.
It’s hard to fathom how voters could fail to recognize the horror of Roy Moore’s behavior and put their selfish interests above morality! It shows how little concern and recognition they have for the sexual sanctity of others. What we can see in the results, a narrow margin – 49.9% vs. 48.4% – is the completely self-serving narcissism with which a large swath of society conducts itself.
The message behind the vote
Looking at those figures, it’s not difficult to understand why sexual assault is so rampant in our nation. The problem is exponentially worse than the numbers indicate because sexual predators don’t simply harm one person. They commit serial acts of defilement. Someone who is blind to the harm of sexual assault is capable of sexual assault. The Alabama vote shows us just how pervasive the problem actually is.
Donald Trump gave us an important glimpse into his soul, or lack thereof. Even though he initially supported Moore’s rival, Luther Strange, for the Republican nomination, he shifted his support to Moore despite the horrid allegations of sexual assault against minors. His behavior clearly demonstrated how people who support sexual predators can be sexual predators themselves. Just as Roy Moore should be investigated, so should Donald Trump. He’s proved, over and over again, that he is unfit for the office of the Presidency. His support behind Moore reveals the sinister underpinnings of his soul, and his ruthless ability to cast morality aside for his personal agenda.
We have a bigger enemy than ISIS in our midst. It’s the grotesque immorality of Trump and his supporters who are imploding our society’s values from the inside without firing a single shot or hurling a single bomb.
December 9, 2017- Not even the driving snow and freezing temps could deter dozens of sexual assault survivors from rallying in solidarity in NYC. Staging the event directly across the street from the Trump International Hotel, added a distinct backdrop of irony and inspired signs calling out Trump as “Rapist-in-Chief,” and more. Despite the cold, I was honored and proud to be among the speakers to voice support for the cause.
Sonia Ossorio, the NY State President of NOW, delivered a heartfelt plea that #MeToo will soon become #NotMeToo. Shani Harris, Elizabeth McLaughlin and other sexual assault survivors soulfully moved the crowd with their personal stories.
Organizers, Connie Vasquez and Annmarie Haubert, planned the event as a means to bring sexual assault survivors together in a shared moment of solidarity and support. Because victims are often invalidated and harshly judged, being able to relate their stories to others who shared similar nightmares, can provide tremendous relief and a welcome feeling of acceptance. With hands so cold they could no longer turn pages, they passed the microphone from one speaker to the next.
Assembly Member Rebecca Seawright contributed her message of hope:
METOO is WETOO; the movement has touched each and every one of us and has transformed society. We will NEVER go back but continue to move ahead for progress and equality in all spheres of life.
My explanation about the need for new penal code language got rousing support from the crowd. But we need to spread this message to the world:
While #MeToo exposed the problem, society desperately needs to enact the solution!
We can only hold people accountable for violating a victim’s consent, if our laws make the definition of consent crystal clear!
Instead our laws are a mish-mosh of absurdly differing language and expectations. And those laws often convey what consent is not, rather than what it is: freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement, #FGKIA.
Combining an accurate consent doctrine together with the simple but important language endorsed by President Obama and Vice President Biden in the ItsOnUs Pledge, Non-consensual sex is sexual assault, will put teeth into the laws that protect society, and change rape mentality, now, and for generations to come.
Don’t wait. Don’t leave it up to the next person. Pick up the phone to your legislators. Tell them to adopt the consent doctrine and the definition of sexual assault from the ItsOnUs Pledge today!
Consent is freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement!
Non-consensual sex is sexual assault!
Here’s the speech I delivered for the awesome December 9th gathering:
“What a beautiful sea of brave faces! Brave because you dared to publish your #MeToo stories that brought sexual assault out of the shadows and into the daylight. And brave for openly standing together in solidarity, in this driving snow, to add power to all the #MeToo voices that came forward.
But we’re not through being brave! And I’m going to ask you for one more act of bravery……
While the #MeToo effort shines a light on this wide spread problem, it doesn’t fix it. Only enacting new laws to fight sexual assault will do that!
Generations ago, our nation fought a bloody war that embattled brother against brother. But the Civil War is not what actually stopped slavery. Enacting new laws that made slavery a crime so overwhelmingly changed the public’s conscience, that today we wonder how slavery could ever have existed in a moral society. And that’s what we need to do with sexual assault!
I’ve researched the laws from state to state. And what I’ve found is a mish mosh of inconsistency. Even the concept of “consent” is either not defined or poorly defined in penal codes around our nation. How can we possibly expect to lock up people like Harvey Weinstein, Roy Moore, Bill Cosby and Donald Trump when, in most states, consent is defined by what it’s not instead of what it is!
Sexual predators want us to believe that every form of agreement carries the same weight. But nothing could be further from the truth! Consent is NOT the only form of agreement. But it’s the form of agreement that’s required in ALL sexual contact!
There’s acquiescence, like when you’re 5 foot 2 and 110 pounds soaking wet, and you’re assaulted by someone 6 foot tall, 225 pounds, and you freeze like a butterball turkey because you’re afraid to anger them and make the problem worse than it already is. I know, because that’s exactly what happened to me!
There’s assent, like when you’re the sole support of 2 kids and your boss corners you by the water cooler, gropes your breasts, and you say nothing because losing your job is simply not your option!
But neither of these forms of “agreement” rise to the level of “consent, which is “freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement,” FGKIA!
President Obama (and yes, he’s still my President) and Vice President Biden endorsed the ItsOnUs Pledge with very special language that together with FGK&IA, can turn the tables on rape mentality. They said, “Non-consensual sex is sexual assault.” But you won’t see those words stated anywhere in penal code, anywhere in our nation. We need to change that! We have to establish what sexual assault is, and we have to establish what consent is to bring rape mentality to an end!
So what’s the brave thing I’m going to ask you to do today?
Call your legislators! Make sure they know you want “Non-consensual sex is a sexual assault” and “Consent is freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement,” signed into the laws in your state, right away! Light up their switchboards! Illuminate the path to stop rape mentality today!
So let me hear you! FGK&IA, sign it into law today!
FGK&IA, sign it into law today!”
If you were harmed by a sexual predator… please tell your story in the comments section! Let the world understand the pain you’ve suffered and how these dregs of society operate!
If they were charged with a crime, or if a judgement was issued against them, including a judgement for monetary damages in a civil action…. post it, AND their name, loud and clear. If there is no “public record” of their behavior, please post your story but keep their name to yourself. If you ultimately bring action against them, or find out that someone else has succeeded in doing so, come back and tell me. I will display their name and the judgement against them on this site.
We do not have criminal laws across the nation that prevent sexual assault. And we do not have a police force that even cares whether people are victimized. They only recognize sexual assaults that involve violence by a stranger. If you read my post on Commander Rose of the 94th Precinct, you’ll see those words coming directly out of his mouth. The police do not comprehend how devastating it is to be harmed by someone you trusted like a boss, a family member, your date, etc. They do not get the double-whammy that mauls your psyche when you are defiled by someone you know!
Here’s the thing…. I don’t want anyone charged with defamation. Predators do not want the world to know and will do what they can to silence you. Once a judgement is made, their information is public record and can be disclosed. They cannot prevent the public display of public information.
Until we get real and significant laws to stop sexual predators, you can still seek justice! Many of you needed to secure therapy in order to overcome the harm they committed against you. The cost of that therapy should not come out of YOUR pocket. Others were not only hoodwinked into sex, but also into monetary losses. Use small claims court or pro se court to recover your losses. Once you have that judgement, we can post it here so the world will know.
Don’t let someone who harmed you get away “Scott free.” They will keep on harming more and more victims! Exposure can put the brakes on their behavior!
And if you haven’t done so already, get your copy of “Combating Romance Scams, Why Lying to Get Laid Is a Crime!” and demand that your legislators read it and enact laws that wake up society to what consent really is, “Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement.” Anything less than that, to conduct sex, is rape!
When the cause of pain is a sex crime, victims are frequently invalidated by people they count on for support! Reaching out for help can make the victim feel like they’re choking on the turmoil they lived through! Having to justify painful feelings while being discredited heaps pain on top of pain and can cause deep depression! When the weapon that undermined their sexual consent was fraud, invalidation by family and friends is all too typical and common.
A woman I’ll call Laurie contacted me recently for help. She’d been violated by a sexual sadist who got off on hurting her during sex. He’d built up her image of a lasting, loving Continue reading Invalidation and Shame in Sex Crimes! Laurie’s Tale
The right to sexually exploit another human being seems perfectly natural to much of society…. even the police! And even people at the very top of the police force can be the culprits!
Isreal’s Police Maj. General Roni Rittman, who currently heads the corruption probes underway against Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, was charged with kissing a female officer without her Continue reading Little Wonder Police Rarely Charge for Sexual Assault!