Until #MeToo, rape mentality was far more widespread than society recognized. The fact that so many celebrities, politicians, successful businessmen and more were recently exposed for abhorrent sexual acts, shows how well-hidden rape mentality has been. Even the President of the United States thinks that forcing his wife into sex is acceptable behavior – a recognition that Continue reading What is Rape Mentality and How Can We Stop It?
Amid shouts of “Hey-hey, ho-ho, Donald Trump has gotta go!” and “Trump is not my President, You’re fired White House resident!” throngs of women, men and children wound our way through the streets of midtown Manhattan yesterday. The sea of hopeful faces marched forward in solidarity with hope for renewed political integrity and equality for all mankind.
While I try to refrain from comparing anyone’s pain to the harm experienced by others, recent political impacts have helped me recognize how struggling through injustice with no possible relief makes people feel invisible. Hearing hate speech and seeing sexual dysfunction from institutions we relied on as the source of decency, cuts deeply into our collective self esteem. It was uplifting to travel together, surrounded by those who embraced morality and humanity, even if only for four hours.
The sight of the Trump Hotel inspired my sense of irony as I invited my favorite New York State Assembly Member, Rebecca Seawright, to join me in holding up my poster: CONSENT = #FGKIA, Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement. I pray we can see these words indelibly inscribed into the penal code of NY and every state before we march again in 2019!
You can help by calling your legislators to demand that they make it happen! #FGKIA can be the solution for #MeToo, #TimesUp and the gross confusion over sexual assault and sexual harassment that enables sexual predators like Weinstein, Cosby, Moore and Trump to go unpunished. It can end the invisibility that sex crimes create in a world blinded by ignorance!
Call your legislator and say, #FGKIA – Sign it into law today!
Today, Amanda Marcotte at Salon ran a valuable piece on the conservative attempt to trash the #MeToo movement. I agree; it’s coming!
Instead of being appalled at the vast quantity of complaints, and recognizing how wide-spread sexual assault and sexual harassment actually are, they are misusing “quantity” to obfuscate and diminish reality. In their convoluted interpretation, the larger and more exposed the problem gets, the less it can be believed. Nothing is further from the truth. Their rationale simply reveals how corrupted their values truly are.
There are people who, as a result of their DNA and their developmental issues, lack the brain chemistry that produces appropriate caring for their fellow man and makes them me-centric. They are unable to grasp why they have no right to impose their sexual desires on another. They look at others as objects of their desires, not human beings deserving of respect. There are a lot of them. And they carry out their assaults, victim after victim, which is why so many people have been harmed.
This objectifying of victims, mostly women, will not stop by exposure alone. There needs to be teeth in the laws that guide behavior. Without it, evil people will simply continue to harm others. There must be penal code that prevents them from doing so. We do not have it.
Although the ItsOnUs Pledge states clearly “Non-consensual sex is a sexual assault,” this language has NOT been enacted into the penal code of any state. And if it were, it would still require correctly defining the meaning of consent- freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement, #FGKIA, into law. Without doing so, sexual assault will continue. Adopting these two important statements into law will stop rape mentality!
Call your legislator! Turn them into law, today!
Log onto BlogTalkRadio to hear Dr. Brenda Wade and I discuss how the same neurotransmitters that got you hooked into a toxic relationship can help you unhook and reclaim your life! Click this link.
You can also secure “20 Ways to Combat Sorrow and Loss Around the Holidays” by using this link.
I sincerely hope that these efforts help you have your happiest holiday season ever!
Like a magnet, yesterday’s senate vote in Alabama glued sexual assault victims to their news sources to watch the count unfold! I too rode the peaks and valleys with mixed joy and bewilderment as the results seesawed back and forth. Jones’s ultimate victory restored my faith in mankind.
It’s hard to fathom how voters could fail to recognize the horror of Roy Moore’s behavior and put their selfish interests above morality! It shows how little concern and recognition they have for the sexual sanctity of others. What we can see in the results, a narrow margin – 49.9% vs. 48.4% – is the completely self-serving narcissism with which a large swath of society conducts itself.
The message behind the vote
Looking at those figures, it’s not difficult to understand why sexual assault is so rampant in our nation. The problem is exponentially worse than the numbers indicate because sexual predators don’t simply harm one person. They commit serial acts of defilement. Someone who is blind to the harm of sexual assault is capable of sexual assault. The Alabama vote shows us just how pervasive the problem actually is.
Donald Trump gave us an important glimpse into his soul, or lack thereof. Even though he initially supported Moore’s rival, Luther Strange, for the Republican nomination, he shifted his support to Moore despite the horrid allegations of sexual assault against minors. His behavior clearly demonstrated how people who support sexual predators can be sexual predators themselves. Just as Roy Moore should be investigated, so should Donald Trump. He’s proved, over and over again, that he is unfit for the office of the Presidency. His support behind Moore reveals the sinister underpinnings of his soul, and his ruthless ability to cast morality aside for his personal agenda.
We have a bigger enemy than ISIS in our midst. It’s the grotesque immorality of Trump and his supporters who are imploding our society’s values from the inside without firing a single shot or hurling a single bomb.
December 9, 2017- Not even the driving snow and freezing temps could deter dozens of sexual assault survivors from rallying in solidarity in NYC. Staging the event directly across the street from the Trump International Hotel, added a distinct backdrop of irony and inspired signs calling out Trump as “Rapist-in-Chief,” and more. Despite the cold, I was honored and proud to be among the speakers to voice support for the cause.
Sonia Ossorio, the NY State President of NOW, delivered a heartfelt plea that #MeToo will soon become #NotMeToo. Shani Harris, Elizabeth McLaughlin and other sexual assault survivors soulfully moved the crowd with their personal stories.
Organizers, Connie Vasquez and Annmarie Haubert, planned the event as a means to bring sexual assault survivors together in a shared moment of solidarity and support. Because victims are often invalidated and harshly judged, being able to relate their stories to others who shared similar nightmares, can provide tremendous relief and a welcome feeling of acceptance. With hands so cold they could no longer turn pages, they passed the microphone from one speaker to the next.
Assembly Member Rebecca Seawright contributed her message of hope:
METOO is WETOO; the movement has touched each and every one of us and has transformed society. We will NEVER go back but continue to move ahead for progress and equality in all spheres of life.
I pray my explanation about the need for new penal code language fell on supportive ears. While #MeToo exposed the problem, society desperately needs to enact the solution! We can only hold people accountable for violating a victim’s consent, if our laws make the definition of consent crystal clear. Instead our laws are a mish mosh of absurdly differing language and expectations. And those laws often convey what consent is not, rather than what it is: freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement, #FGKIA.
Coupling an accurate consent doctrine together with the simple but important language endorsed by President Obama and Vice President Biden in the ItsOnUs Pledge, Non-consensual sex is sexual assault, will put teeth into the laws that protect society, and change rape mentality, now, and for generations to come.
Don’t wait. Don’t leave it up to the next person. Pick up the phone to your legislators. Tell them to adopt the consent doctrine and the definition of sexual assault from the ItsOnUs Pledge today!
Consent is freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement!
Non-consensual sex is sexual assault!
Here’s the speech I delivered for the awesome December 9th gathering:
“What a beautiful sea of brave faces! Brave because you dared to publish your #MeToo stories that brought sexual assault out of the shadows and into the daylight. And brave for openly standing together in solidarity, in this driving snow, to add power to all the #MeToo voices that came forward.
But we’re not through being brave! And I’m going to ask you for one more act of bravery……
While the #MeToo effort shines a light on this wide spread problem, it doesn’t fix it. Only enacting new laws to fight sexual assault will do that!
Generations ago, our nation fought a bloody war that embattled brother against brother. But the Civil War is not what actually stopped slavery. Enacting new laws that made slavery a crime so overwhelmingly changed the public’s conscience, that today we wonder how slavery could ever have existed in a moral society. And that’s what we need to do with sexual assault!
I’ve researched the laws from state to state. And what I’ve found is a mish mosh of inconsistency. Even the concept of “consent” is either not defined or poorly defined in penal codes around our nation. How can we possibly expect to lock up people like Harvey Weinstein, Roy Moore, Bill Cosby and Donald Trump when, in most states, consent is defined by what it’s not instead of what it is!
Sexual predators want us to believe that every form of agreement carries the same weight. But nothing could be further from the truth! Consent is NOT the only form of agreement. But it’s the form of agreement that’s required in ALL sexual contact!
There’s acquiescence, like when you’re 5 foot 2 and 110 pounds soaking wet, and you’re assaulted by someone 6 foot tall, 225 pounds, and you freeze like a butterball turkey because you’re afraid to anger them and make the problem worse than it already is. I know, because that’s exactly what happened to me!
There’s assent, like when you’re the sole support of 2 kids and your boss corners you by the water cooler, gropes your breasts, and you say nothing because losing your job is simply not your option!
But neither of these forms of “agreement” rise to the level of “consent, which is “freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement,” FGKIA!
President Obama (and yes, he’s still my President) and Vice President Biden endorsed the ItsOnUs Pledge with very special language that together with FGK&IA, can turn the tables on rape mentality. They said, “Non-consensual sex is sexual assault.” But you won’t see those words stated anywhere in penal code, anywhere in our nation. We need to change that! We have to establish what sexual assault is, and we have to establish what consent is to bring rape mentality to an end!
So what’s the brave thing I’m going to ask you to do today?
Call your legislators! Make sure they know you want “Non-consensual sex is a sexual assault” and “Consent is freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement,” signed into the laws in your state, right away! Light up their switchboards! Illuminate the path to stop rape mentality today!
So let me hear you! FGK&IA, sign it into law today!
FGK&IA, sign it into law today!”
Summer Zervos’s defamation suit against Donald Trump could be his undoing. It could prove, once and for all, that he’s a sexual predator. Zervos claimed Trump groped her and thrust his genitals at her while she participated in episodes of “The Apprentice” back in 2007. Only recently; however, Trump called her a liar which, according to Zervos, damaged her reputation and the reputations of others who made similar claims.
While sexual harassment charges must adhere to statutory time limits, Zervos’s defamation charge is timely. Trump would need to prove that her statements were false….. difficult to do when Continue reading Defamation Could be Trump’s Undoing!
Heck NO!! Just look at the new horror that Brock Turner is hurling at his victim!
Judge Persky, the mysoginist magistrate who tried Turner’s rape case, for sexually violating an unconscious drunk woman, claimed he handed out a light sentence because he’d shown “remorse.” But now that Turner’s out of jail and having to deal with the terms of the sex offender registry, his remorse has flown out the window! Turner has filed an appeal.
Just days ago, the sentence of Oscar Pistorius, the South African double amputee who murdered his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, was doubled by the appeals judge on his case. Let’s hope that a new judge in the Turner case follows suit and demands that Turner be remanded for the stiff 14 year term that suits his crime!
ItsOnUs and UltraViolet have partnered to create solutions to sexual assault!
“Adopt this language in penal code throughout the US and beyond…. “‘Consent’ is Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement! All Non-Consensual Sex is a Sexual Assault!” ”
— Joyce Short
If you were harmed by a sexual predator… please tell your story in the comments section! Let the world understand the pain you’ve suffered and how these dregs of society operate!
If they were charged with a crime, or if a judgement was issued against them, including a judgement for monetary damages in a civil action…. post it, AND their name, loud and clear. If there is no “public record” of their behavior, please post your story but keep their name to yourself. If you ultimately bring action against them, or find out that someone else has succeeded in doing so, come back and tell me. I will display their name and the judgement against them on this site.
We do not have criminal laws across the nation that prevent sexual assault. And we do not have a police force that even cares whether people are victimized. They only recognize sexual assaults that involve violence by a stranger. If you read my post on Commander Rose of the 94th Precinct, you’ll see those words coming directly out of his mouth. The police do not comprehend how devastating it is to be harmed by someone you trusted like a boss, a family member, your date, etc. They do not get the double-whammy that mauls your psyche when you are defiled by someone you know!
Here’s the thing…. I don’t want anyone charged with defamation. Predators do not want the world to know and will do what they can to silence you. Once a judgement is made, their information is public record and can be disclosed. They cannot prevent the public display of public information.
Until we get real and significant laws to stop sexual predators, you can still seek justice! Many of you needed to secure therapy in order to overcome the harm they committed against you. The cost of that therapy should not come out of YOUR pocket. Others were not only hoodwinked into sex, but also into monetary losses. Use small claims court or pro se court to recover your losses. Once you have that judgement, we can post it here so the world will know.
Don’t let someone who harmed you get away “Scott free.” They will keep on harming more and more victims! Exposure can put the brakes on their behavior!
And if you haven’t done so already, get your copy of “Combating Romance Scams, Why Lying to Get Laid Is a Crime!” and demand that your legislators read it and enact laws that wake up society to what consent really is, “Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement.” Anything less than that, to conduct sex, is rape!
When the cause of pain is a sex crime, victims are frequently invalidated by people they count on for support! Reaching out for help can make the victim feel like they’re choking on the turmoil they lived through! Having to justify painful feelings while being discredited heaps pain on top of pain and can cause deep depression! When the weapon that undermined their sexual consent was fraud, invalidation by family and friends is all too typical and common.
A woman I’ll call Laurie contacted me recently for help. She’d been violated by a sexual sadist who got off on hurting her during sex. He’d built up her image of a lasting, loving Continue reading Invalidation and Shame in Sex Crimes! Laurie’s Tale
Sexual defilement shakes a person at their very core! It can drive a person to commit suicide or murder!
I was contacted this week by the mother of a man who killed a transgender woman. I’m not being specific because this case and efforts to mitigate her son’s sentence are in the works. I would not want anything coming out of my mouth or from my pen to do any harm to this case.
Because many transgenders think their sex shouldn’t matter in sex…….. (please explain that absurdity to me!!) society seems to be Continue reading Victim or villain? Transgender Deceit!
In Manchester, UK, according to the Guardian, Gayle Newland will hear her fate, for a second time, on July 20th. She posed as a man, Kye Fortune, to seduce a woman through an on-line scam. Ironically, she was also friends with the woman, who knew her as a female, not as her male alter-ego. A second jury returned a guilty verdict on June 29th.
Congratulations to the residents and legislators of California! This bill was approved yesterday. BTW- Yesterday, when I spoke to someone in the office of Asm. Reggie Jones-Sawyer, she told me the phones have been ringing off the hook! Good work everyone!
Tomorrow, March 29th, the California Legislature will vote on the “Rape Survivor’s Civil Rights Bill,” AB1312, introduced by Assembly Members Gonzalez, Fletcher and Berman.
CONSENT could be the most misunderstood word in the English language!
Millions of people are harmed by rape every year. And some offenders do not comprehend why or how their behavior constitutes RAPE.
Let’s get it right!
Every time a woman who was raped, and knows of Trump’s abuse of women, sees or hears Donald Trump, they cringe from the feeling that their defilement is of no importance to society. Their only saving grace is that the majority of Americans did not support that grossly indecent man.
How to get past the reminder?
“It’s not the majority” has become the mantra that enables me to get past those reminders that cut deeply into my psyche. And it makes me doubly determined to wake society up to the real meaning of rape!
Ivanna exemplifies misconceptions about rape
Certainly, his wife, Ivanna, didn’t know. She testified under oath that he raped her. But once she’d secured a $15MM settlement to shut her mouth, she claimed “Oh, but it wasn’t “criminal” rape.” She’s not an attorney. She’s not the police. She’s neither the judge nor the jury. She’s the victim whose silence was bought off by a shameless, wealthy man.
Is there such a thing as non-criminal rape?
Every form of rape is CRIMINAL! That includes spousal rape! Whenever consent is lacking in sex, it’s rape, plain and simple! And even the criminal code in NY State, where Ivanna was raped, recognizes that spousal rape is rape, under the law!
If we have learned anything from Trump’s eery, and probably illegitimate, rise to authority, it’s that we must put an end to rape culture in society and expose what rape actually is….. NON-CONSENSUAL SEX! And it does not matter how non-consensual sex takes place….
Whether consent was undermined by:
- Mental Incapacity
RAPE IS RAPE!
Please join The FORSSC today: The Fight to Outlaw Rape and Sex Scam Crimes! Help curb rape near you and around the world!
Video of today’s demonstration. Click Here!
I just received an important notice from the NYC chapter of NOW.
The cause of NOW’s outrage is the statements made by Commanding Officer, Captain Peter Rose when explaining why only 2 out of 13 recent rape cases were solved. He said: “Some of them were Tinder, some of them were hook-up sites, some of them were actually co-workers. It’s not a trend that we’re too worried about because out of 13, only two were true stranger rapes” Continue reading #NOW Is Outraged at the NYPD!” #TakeRapeSeriously!”
The femicide crisis in South America is staggering……..
According to the BBC- a woman dies from femicide every other day in Columbia, every day in Argentina, 5 per day in Mexico and 15 per day in Brazil.
The culture of femicide is so ingrained in the lifestyle that on Wednesday, the City Council in Buenos Aires, Argentina, passed an Continue reading Catcalls Banned in Argentina!
Brock Turner’s victim hit on an exceptionally descriptive term to explain how rape made her feel. Even though she was unconscious during the entire episode, she expressed, in her stirring statement, that she felt “contaminated.” Continue reading Contamination – What an apt description for sexual assault!
Read Neil McArthur’s insightful article on Sexual Assault by Fraud!
Be sure to enter the conversation!
Here’s the link: http://www.vice.com/en_ca/read/is-lying-to-get-laid-a-form-of-sexual-assault