The Good, the Bad, and the Scammers


There are loads of good people in the world who wouldn’t hurt a flea. And there are folks who are obvious villains. But scam artists are pretty difficult to spot in order to tell the difference between the two.

They look and sound like caring human beings, but they’re not. Someone who lies to you, in order to seduce you, has little or no emotional empathy. They can’t put themselves in your shoes. They see you as a prize, an entitlement, a piece of property, but not as the living, breathing, caring human being that you are. They intellectually know wrong from right but they think rules don’t apply to them. And they don’t care whether you suffer harm.

When “puffery” becomes fraud

It’s one thing to puff yourself up to raise your appeal factor and attract someone. It’s quite another to actually induce sex by doing so. Someone who is dishonest in an on-line dating description, or other information they feed you, is self-indulgent. But until they actually violate you with their lies, it’s not a crime. If they fail to set the record straight before you have sex with them, they’re assaulting, not seducing you. Before you engage in sex with them, the false enhancements that grabbed your attention should have been divulged so that you could exercise self determination over with whom you share your intimate core.

In order to keep yourself from being harmed, be sure you check the details of what they’re telling you if you’ve only known them for a short period.  If they want the intimacy of your body, they should surely be able to share the intimacy of their actual name, age and address with you. Resistance to doing so is likely to indicate that they’re either married, a different age, or hiding other information.

I’m not saying that you should ask for their driver’s license in the heat of passion, as you’re groping each other and about to hop into bed. You should be aware of who they are long before you get to that point. If they’re insulted by your request, they either don’t care about whether you feel safe with them, or they have something to hide. In either case, you’re better off knowing before you become intimate with them.

Romance scammers come in all shapes and sizes. Here are some clues to look for:

  • They don’t introduce you to their family or friends.
  • Family members warn you about them.
  • They don’t have friends.
  • You don’t like their friends
  • They speak ill of and righteously condemn others with intolerance for imperfection.
  • They lie about their identity characteristics which may include being married.
  • They treat service people such as waiters or valets poorly.
  • They’re big on impressions and short on substance.
  • They don’t follow-through on plans.
  • They don’t pay their way.
  • They travel, a lot.
  • They don’t speak about their children.
  • They don’t support their children.
  • They’ve cheated on past relationships.
  • They’ve never done a lick of volunteer work.
  • They’re glib, charming and sweep you off your feet.
  • They don’t trust you.
  • They invade your privacy.
  • They’re immediately seductive.
  • They seem like your soul-mate in short order.
  • They have a criminal past.

The derisive manipulation of a person without emotional empathy will undermine your well-being. While the relationship remains intact, your self-esteem will be shredded. If you are with someone who displays a lack of emotional empathy toward others, it’s a sign of their real, underlying nature. They haven’t turned on you yet, because they’re getting what they want from you…… but they will.