Lack of emotional empathy = shallow, superficial emotions
Sociopaths weave beautifully seductive tales.
Problem is, they don’t mean it the way you absorb it. When they embrace you and speak endearingly of “forever,” they’re only thinking of the immediate gratification they’ll receive today. They want the adoration and sexual surrender you reserve for those you deeply love, and they will get it no matter what it costs you in emotional upheaval.
Sociopaths will ultimately behave like they changed their mind about you, and the reason, of course…. “It’s all your fault!” Your trust started to unravel as you began to recognize the incongruity between their words and their actions. Unknowingly, you became a liability, and their departure can be swift and abrupt.
When you doubt them, they’ll gaslight you, using your own valid concerns to cast blame and shame. Their well-orchestrated offense is their best and only defense. Modern day mental health professionals will tell you this form of manipulation is a type of bullying and abuse.
Until you begin to understand that they never really cared about you in the first place, the push and pull that takes place during your discovery and their denials can cause you to feel dis-empowered. They’ll fault your lack of trust, knowing full well they were deceitful.
When they recognize you’ve, indeed, “wised up,” they’ll simply be on their way to another conquest, fabricating a shaming excuse such as “You’re too needy,” “You’re too controlling,” or some other absurd, righteous indignation. It will leave you spending months on rumination to figure out how you could possibly have influenced that belief, and anguishing over what you could have done differently to save the relationship.
Little did you know, there was really no relationship at all. There was you, engaged in loving and caring, and them, intent on defrauding and scamming. To them, you were merely a chess piece in their game.
Emotional empathy enables our ability to deeply bond and clouds our judgement
An emotionally intact person will buy-in to explanations and accept them at face value, exhibiting concern. A sociopath will simply and easily exploit their trusting nature. There’s always a plausible excuse for long absences. “It’s my job.” “It’s my kids who live in the next state.” “It’s my aging Aunt Emma who has no one but me to care for her; aren’t I wonderful?”
Without emotional empathy, feelings are superficial and transient, making it possible for sociopaths to juggle a stable of lovers all at the same time. They know their story has more holes than a loaf of white bread. They simply want a supply of sex and adoration at their fingertips. You’re only as good as your naiveté lasts.
A love that spanned continents
In Suki’s case, her two and a half year lover, a musician and producer for a major British network, traveled around the world on assignments. He made her feel like they were truly in love and told her that he was waiting on his circumstances and finances to change so they could be together. They frequently discussed their love in texts, on video cam, and in phone calls. They spoke of their devotion during trips between London and New York City.
He mirrored her thoughts in order to build her trust. For example, when she tried to care for a dying kitten, he immediately responded with his tale of a similar rescue by him. She loved being silly, and he’d jump in right alongside her in tone and playfulness. He poured love and tenderness into their relationship. The techniques of mirroring and love-bombing are frequently used by sociopaths to groom their sexual targets.
After two and a half years, he simply decided to call it quits. “It isn’t practical,” he informed her. It just didn’t make sense.
The blow that launched her search for the dreadful truth
Devastated, Suki tried to reconcile how he could be so committed one minute and “over it” the next. This man had professed profound love for her, building dreams of forever-after, and now, he was gone. She began to search for the truth, and what she found horrified her.
He was married. His wife of sixteen years was not the “ex girlfriend” who he still “shared a house with,” because, “she has an art studio there.” They weren’t “just friends,” as he had claimed. Indeed, he and his wife slept in the same bed and had been together for a total of twenty five years. He had a long history of betraying and manipulating her, as well as other women, throughout that time.
An even darker side of their “monogamous” relationship emerged months later when she learned of another liaison that existed concurrently with theirs. While they shared intimacy during a trip to London, he texted his other “girlfriend”. He characterized Suki to her as an “ex-girlfriend who is dying.” He claimed he was simply showing kindness toward her by “providing emotional support in her time of need.” Discovering this revelation gouged an especially deep and painful gash in Suki’s heart.
A superficial apology
When the truth finally surfaced about his marriage, Suki confronted the man she thought she’d known all that time. His response rolled off his tongue as if he’d traveled the same road many times before. “I was thoughtless.” Then he lamented “Everyone’s upset at me,” as if his behavior warranted something different. “I’m sorry; I am a disaster area,” he claimed, in an attempt to illicit her sympathy. He’d perfected the role of the perpetual victim.
He neither apologized nor acknowledged his actions regarding the other woman. He was totally unable to comprehend the trauma he’d caused. He was solely concerned about his “image” being harmed.
Sociopaths simply don’t get it. They don’t understand that taking what isn’t theirs is the cruelty of emotional rape and sexual assault. Love is never a part of seduction when the person you care for is a scamming sociopath.