From now ’til June 15th, Truth in Romance Day, I’ll identify each crucial step to help romance scam victims reclaim their self-esteem and dignity. Today, we’ll deal with the letter “U”.
The entire DUST-OFF Plan For Recovery from sexual assault by fraud is revealed in Carnal Abuse by Deceit, How a Predator’s Lies Became Rape.
Undue pressure is counterproductive to healing!
Understand that healing Is NOT a return to your former self! Every experience we encounter enables us to grow.
Often people who have been damaged believe the end goal is to wash away all remembrance of pain and return to the person they once were, but there is no going back. The expectation of recovering your former self can serve to depress you because it is an unobtainable goal and will be a constant disappointment. Once you can take strength from having lived through your ordeal, you’re on your way toward recovery.
Time and distance will ease your pain. And if you can grieve the loss of your innocence, the loss of the person you were, you can put it behind you. You are wiser now. Employ that wisdom to keep yourself safe from predators in the future.
You will often hear the concept of “forgiveness” used as a means to overcome the effects of wrongdoing. Forgiveness does not mean having to forget what happened or excuse it. Rather, it means accepting that it happened to you. A morally disordered person will not care in the least whether you forgive them or not, so don’t forgive them for their sake, forgive them for yours.
We often keep anger close to our hearts when we have suffered gross injustice. Doing so erodes our own sense of well-being by focusing us on pain and creating hyper-vigilance. We need to refocus ourselves on the good things in our lives in order to make room for joy to find its way back in. It is difficult to put anger aside. It takes considerable practice, but it gets easier in time as life takes on new meanings and the episode you survived fades into your past.
The entire Dust-Off! plan for recovery is included in Carnal Abuse by Deceit. Click the title to purchase your copy.