Tag Archives: #DomesticViolence

#MeTooRallyNYC- A frozen moment of success!

#MeTooRallyNYC #FGKIA

December 9, 2017- Not even the driving snow and freezing temps could deter dozens of sexual assault survivors from rallying in solidarity in NYC. Staging the event directly across the street from the Trump International Hotel, added a distinct backdrop of irony and inspired signs calling out Trump as “Rapist-in-Chief,” and more. Despite the cold, I was honored and proud to be among the speakers to voice support for the cause.

Sonia Ossorio, President, NOW, NY State

Sonia Ossorio, the NY State President of NOW, delivered a heartfelt plea that #MeToo will soon become #NotMeToo. Shani Harris, Elizabeth McLaughlin and other sexual assault survivors soulfully moved the crowd with their personal stories.

Rally Organizers Connie Vasquez and Annmarie Haubert

Organizers, Connie Vasquez and Annmarie Haubert, planned the event as a means to bring sexual assault survivors together in a shared moment of solidarity and support. Because victims are often invalidated and harshly judged, being able to relate their stories to others who shared similar nightmares, can provide tremendous relief and a welcome feeling of acceptance. With hands so cold they could no longer turn pages, they passed the microphone from one speaker to the next.

Assembly Member Rebecca Seawright contributed her message of hope:

METOO is WETOO; the movement has touched each and every one of us and has transformed society. We will NEVER go back but continue to move ahead for progress and equality in all spheres of life.

My explanation about the need for new penal code language got rousing support from the crowd. But we need to spread this message to the world:

While #MeToo exposed the problem, society desperately needs to enact the solution!

We can only hold people accountable for violating a victim’s consent, if our laws make the definition of consent crystal clear!

Instead our laws are a mish-mosh of absurdly differing language and expectations. And those laws often convey what consent is not, rather than what it is: freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement, #FGKIA.

Combining an accurate consent doctrine together with the simple but important language endorsed by President Obama and Vice President Biden in the ItsOnUs Pledge, Non-consensual sex is sexual assault, will put teeth into the laws that protect society, and change rape mentality, now, and for generations to come.

Don’t wait. Don’t leave it up to the next person. Pick up the phone to your legislators. Tell them to adopt the consent doctrine and the definition of sexual assault from the ItsOnUs Pledge today!

Consent is freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement!
Non-consensual sex is sexual assault!

Consent = Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement!

Here’s the speech I delivered for the awesome December 9th gathering:

“What a beautiful sea of brave faces! Brave because you dared to publish your #MeToo stories that brought sexual assault out of the shadows and into the daylight. And brave for openly standing together in solidarity, in this driving snow, to add power to all the #MeToo voices that came forward.

But we’re not through being brave! And I’m going to ask you for one more act of bravery……

While the #MeToo effort shines a light on this wide spread problem, it doesn’t fix it. Only enacting new laws to fight sexual assault will do that!

Generations ago, our nation fought a bloody war that embattled brother against brother. But the Civil War is not what actually stopped slavery. Enacting new laws that made slavery a crime so overwhelmingly changed the public’s conscience, that today we wonder how slavery could ever have existed in a moral society. And that’s what we need to do with sexual assault!

I’ve researched the laws from state to state. And what I’ve found is a mish mosh of inconsistency. Even the concept of “consent” is either not defined or poorly defined in penal codes around our nation. How can we possibly expect to lock up people like Harvey Weinstein, Roy Moore, Bill Cosby and Donald Trump when, in most states, consent is defined by what it’s not instead of what it is!

Sexual predators want us to believe that every form of agreement carries the same weight. But nothing could be further from the truth! Consent is NOT the only form of agreement. But it’s the form of agreement that’s required in ALL sexual contact!

There’s acquiescence, like when you’re 5 foot 2 and 110 pounds soaking wet, and you’re assaulted by someone 6 foot tall, 225 pounds, and you freeze like a butterball turkey because you’re afraid to anger them and make the problem worse than it already is. I know, because that’s exactly what happened to me!

There’s assent, like when you’re the sole support of 2 kids and your boss corners you by the water cooler, gropes your breasts, and you say nothing because losing your job is simply not your option!

But neither of these forms of “agreement” rise to the level of “consent, which is “freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement,” FGKIA!

President Obama (and yes, he’s still my President) and Vice President Biden endorsed the ItsOnUs Pledge with very special language that together with FGK&IA, can turn the tables on rape mentality. They said, “Non-consensual sex is sexual assault.” But you won’t see those words stated anywhere in penal code, anywhere in our nation. We need to change that! We have to establish what sexual assault is, and we have to establish what consent is to bring rape mentality to an end!

So what’s the brave thing I’m going to ask you to do today?

Call your legislators! Make sure they know you want “Non-consensual sex is a sexual assault” and “Consent is freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement,” signed into the laws in your state, right away! Light up their switchboards! Illuminate the path to stop rape mentality today!

So let me hear you! FGK&IA, sign it into law today!
FGK&IA, sign it into law today!”

New Spelling for “CONSENT” will stand RAPE MENTALITY on it’s ear!

Consent = Freely Given Knowledgeable & Informed Agreement!
Consent = Freely Given Knowledgeable & Informed Agreement!

CONSENT could be the most misunderstood word in the English language! 

Millions of people are harmed by rape every year. And some offenders do not comprehend why or how their behavior constitutes RAPE.

Let’s get it right!

Continue reading New Spelling for “CONSENT” will stand RAPE MENTALITY on it’s ear!

#NOW Is Outraged at the NYPD!” #TakeRapeSeriously!”

Join the NOW demonstration on January 10th!
Join the NOW demonstration on January 10th!

FOLLOW-UP

Video of today’s demonstration. Click Here!

INITIAL POST

I just received an important notice from the NYC chapter of NOW.

NYPD Captain, Peter Rose
NYPD Captain, Peter Rose

The cause of NOW’s outrage is the statements made by Commanding Officer, Captain Peter Rose when explaining why only 2 out of 13  recent rape cases were solved. He said: “Some of them were Tinder, some of them were hook-up sites, some of them were actually co-workers. It’s not a trend that we’re too worried about because out of 13, only two were true stranger rapes” Continue reading #NOW Is Outraged at the NYPD!” #TakeRapeSeriously!”

Catcalls Banned in Argentina!

catcall

The femicide crisis in South America is staggering……..

According to the BBC- a woman dies from femicide every other day in Columbia, every day in Argentina, 5 per day in Mexico and 15 per day in Brazil.

The culture of femicide is so ingrained in the lifestyle that on Wednesday, the City Council in Buenos Aires, Argentina, passed an Continue reading Catcalls Banned in Argentina!

How to get away with rape in Missouri! The Mario Antoine case

#MarioAntoine Is he a #SerialRapist

In Kansas City MO, thirty-three year old Mario Antoine is facing 21 federal charges, from cyber-stalking to extortion, for scamming women into sex on the premise that he was a porn videographer and they were auditioning for a part. The FBI handled the investigation, and the Federal Prosecutor was quoted by the Kansas City Star as saying he’s a “serial rapist.” But rape is a state, not a federal crime. Continue reading How to get away with rape in Missouri! The Mario Antoine case

Sex Scammer Faces Fed Prison

scam-alert

Federal Prosecutors described alleged sex scammer, Mario Ambrose Antoine as a “serial rapist” and put a current case of Rape by Fraud center stage in main stream media! The case was filed with 6 complainants but 25 additional woman have stepped forward since the Kansas City Star went public with the information on Monday. If you were harmed by this man, contact the Kansas City MO office of the FBI at 816-512-8200.

Here’s the latest article which  Continue reading Sex Scammer Faces Fed Prison

Step Up NY!!

nyc

If a romance scam happened to you in NY, please contact me!

Law & Order SVU did a great job of presenting a rape by fraud case this past Wednesday. If you’ve yet to see the episode, here’s the link. You can watch it right here on your computer!

Enough for fiction…. We need real life cases to enact a law! And I believe we can create a solid movement to get it done in New York!

Don’t be shy folks! Send me your story! I’m listening!

Write to me at StopRomanceScams@yahoo.com

 

Are FL Police Under-Serving a Mentally Challenged Rape Victim?

Did #DanielMichaelFarris commit #SexScam?
Daniel Michael Farris, Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office

Florida uses the term “sexual battery” instead of “rape.” And its statutes specifically define that sexual battery takes place when the victim has a mental defect or disease which renders them temporarily or permanently incapable of appraising the nature of his or her conduct.
Continue reading Are FL Police Under-Serving a Mentally Challenged Rape Victim?

Dust-Off! Step 3- How do you heal from a romance scam?

Therapy

From now ’til June 15th, Truth in Romance Day, I’ll identify each crucial step to help romance scam victims reclaim their self-esteem and dignity. Today, we’ll cover the letter “S”.

The entire DUST-OFF Plan For Recovery from sexual assault by fraud is revealed in  Carnal Abuse by Deceit, How a Predator’s Lies Became Rape. 

Happy healing and happy Truth in Romance Day to all! #TruthInRomance Day is even more important than #ValentinesDay!

Here’s Step 3……

Seek Counseling or Therapy

You need someone whose advice you can trust! You were drawn to a predator. Recognizing that you should leave the relationship may be difficult for you. Through therapy you may find the strength and path to break off the relationship. You also may need guidance to understand how you became involved with a predator in the first place. Without that knowledge you are likely to make the same mistake again.

If you have parted with the predator already, you may need help to cope with bewildering, overwhelming pain. A therapist who deals with Complex PTSD can help you. A mental health clinic that provides therapy at a reduced rate might fill your need if you can’t afford a private practitioner.

The entire Dust-Off! plan for recovery is included in Carnal Abuse by Deceit. Click the title to purchase your copy. 

Revenge Porn Takes Center Stage! You can help!

#revengeporn laws exist in 26 statesCatfish profile victims often experience revenge porn. Intimate pictures are tools predators use to inhibit their prey from stepping forward when the jig is up! Twenty six states in the US, Continue reading Revenge Porn Takes Center Stage! You can help!

What do Monopoly and Oscar Pistorius have in common? 

From Milton Bradley's popular game, Monopoly
From Milton Bradley’s popular game, Monopoly

Drilling four bullet holes into his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, wasn’t sufficient to convict Oscar Pistorius, famous South African, double amputee and Olympic runner, for murder.  His jail term on a manslaughter conviction, 5 years, meant spending only 12 months behind bars. He’ll serve the balance of his sentence under house arrest. Pistorius gets his Get Out of Jail (almost) Free card on October 20th.

Continue reading What do Monopoly and Oscar Pistorius have in common? 

It’s Not a Crime to be Gullible

#GayleNewland #KyeFortune in #RapebyFraud Case

Gayle Newland- Kye Fortune and Rape by Fraud

Twenty-five year old Gayle Newland of Willaston, Cheshire UK, will be sentenced in November for three sexual assault charges. She created a catphish profile of Kye Fortune, a young man who’d undergone serious medical treatments that had disfigured his body. “He” requested that his victim, a woman who’d engaged in a two Continue reading It’s Not a Crime to be Gullible

California- The Land of In-Between

California

California still uses the word “rape” in its penal code.

It has laws that outlaw some, but not all types of rape by fraud! It’s a start! The laws passed in 2013. The case that inspired the change was People v Morales.

According to the case records, Julio Morales snuck into bed with a sleeping victim while her bedroom was dark. Morales’s account indicates that he changed her Continue reading California- The Land of In-Between

Oxytocin at its finest!

Barbara Tage

The neuropeptide, oxytocin, along with others, provides connection “chemistry.”

Some people are more easily seduced because they’re more compelled by bonding chemistry than others. In the case of Barbara Tatge, a Boston Marathon runner from TN, she seemed immediately smitten by a man she randomly kissed, Continue reading Oxytocin at its finest!

I would swim across the ocean to be with you!

swim

How many love-bombed victims of toxic romance have heard this type of endearing commitment from a sociopathic lover?

“You’re so beautiful,” and “I’ll love you forever,” are more of the same. When it comes out of the mouth of a man pledging undying love while his wife of sixteen years waits for him in a far away place, Continue reading I would swim across the ocean to be with you!

“I Thought I’d Lose You!”

kicked to the curb

 

“Ya think?” is how many folks react when they hear the lame excuse for why people lie to have sex with them. Here’s what that comment really means…..

“I knew if I pretended to be something I wasn’t, you’d have sex with me,” and conversely, “I knew if I told you the truth Continue reading “I Thought I’d Lose You!”

The Good, the Bad, and the Scammers

scrabble

There are loads of good people in the world who wouldn’t hurt a flea. And there are folks who are obvious villains. But scam artists are pretty difficult to spot in order to tell the difference between the two.

They look and sound like caring human beings, but they’re not. Someone who lies to you, in order to seduce you, has little or no emotional empathy. Continue reading The Good, the Bad, and the Scammers

Not Just Warm Flesh and Body Fluids

couple on beachEvery person’s brain chemistry is different.

It’s one of the many reasons why we’re as unalike as snowflakes in the wide expanse of humanity. Our DNA, brain chemistry, and the impacts of early childhood development,  Continue reading Not Just Warm Flesh and Body Fluids

Sexual Assault by Fraud Devastates the Victim

Photo by Karuka
Photo by Karuka

No matter how sexual assault takes place, the victim will suffer a permanent loss. 

Being sexually violated, in any form, will have a profound impact on your sense of self. Whether you were violently assaulted, or whether you were violated through the insidious, manipulative breach of your self determination by lies, you will need to grieve your loss in order to recover.

We can never go back in time to reclaim our un-raped self, but we can advance through the stages of grief and loss to achieve emotional stability once again.

The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network provides an informative post that explains the stages of recovery from sexual assault. It’s important for victims of sexual assault by fraud to understand that the same characteristics of recovery apply to them as well.

  • Victims can go through denial and attempt to repress their sense of loss.
  • They could endlessly ruminate, becoming obsessed with the harm they suffered.
  • They could try to ameliorate the problem by moving away or changing jobs.
  • They could have interrupted sleep patterns, weight gain or loss, and deep depression.

Seek help! 

Not all family and friends of rape by fraud sufferers understand the devastation in this crime. Hopefully, society has begun to speak about and recognize it. But even your normal support system may not be enough to pick you up from deep depression and help you stop ruminating.

When you find your life impaired by helplessness, anger, anxiety, rumination, trust issues, or other related affects, seek the aid of a professional who has experience with sociopathic behavior and recovery for sexual assault victims

 

Classic Example of SexFraud Mentality

shamed woman

I received this comment last night from a person who refers to himself as “Boozer.” I thought it so important that it warranted an actual post.

It demonstrates exactly how and why the crime of SexFraud takes place:

First of all, of course we know we’re having sex with a person. Men are not a bunch of creepy soulless monsters. We’re actual people as well with real feelings Guys get used and summarily dumped too. I’ve had women (only a few, lol) that never got back to me after we had sex. Did I feel bad? Of course, but I never thought they belonged in jail for it, because they don’t.

The word “entitled” is tricky. I don’t think a woman in a bar is entitled to my finances, my workplace or even my last name if I don’t want to give it out. It’s none of her business. I’m not going to share my private info with every girl I talk to on the chance we might leave the bar together later. She’s not entitled to anything of mine and if that’s a problem then she’s entitled to say goodnight anytime she pleases. If I exaggerate or put the best spin on things, she can accept that or not, it’s her choice. I’m not promising her anything except hopefully a good time. It’s 2015, if by now you’re not aware people might lie to you, you shouldn’t be out walking the streets.

Fraud in the legal sense means misrepresenting something to get money or something of value. What of actual value is given or taken during sex? Realistically the thing of most value in the situation is the man’s sperm.

And here is my response to him:

Boozer-

SexFraud isn’t about getting dumped or not calling you back after sex. I have never said that you should divulge every facet of your background when you first meet someone, but before you have sex with them, you should straighten out any lies you’ve told them.

Frankly, you have demonstrated exactly the type of mentality that’s at the heart of the problem and I thank you for being so candid. I think you exemplify a mindset that is pervasive in today’s society, and you don’t even recognize it as a “sexual assault” mentality. It starts by thinking that sex is simply a type of entertainment and an entitlement, not a privilege.

Apparently, your finances are even more “private” to you than your sex organs. You’ll expose them to someone who you barely know. But don’t worry, SexFraud laws won’t prosecute the casual hook-up in which the victim failed to behave reasonably and jumped into bed with you without any inquiry or research.

Some women feel that way as well. For instance, sex workers share their bodies with people all the time with no emotional connection to their private parts. Or so they think until they’re ripped off, like the recent case in Canberra Australia where the offender was convicted of rape by fraud by tricking her into thinking she would get paid. He gave her a bag that was supposed to contain money. It didn’t.

Just because you don’t value intimacy does not mean that other people don’t. In fact, most of moral society would more happily get ripped off for money than have their sex organs violated. One makes you angry. The other makes you defiled.

Fraud is usurping something of value through a lie. Most people actually value their sexual organs and their right to self-determination over who they share them with. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t have any rape laws at all. Violating a person’ sex organs would simply be an assault. It’s not. It’s a sexual assault, rape, sexual battery, sexual misconduct, sexfraud, or whatever name you’d like to associate with it.

Most people have “feelings” about what happens to them. They don’t necessarily “feel” (that’s called “emotional empathy,”) for what happens to others. From what you’ve said, it seems that you lack emotional empathy.

Having feelings for your own condition, but failing to feel for others is a Narcissitc, and possibly Sociopathic mentality. Lots of folks go through the world that way. Society needs to be made aware how prevalent your mentality is. And laws have to be created to protect people you would harm through you failure to stop yourself.

That person whose sexual organs have no value to you, except warm flesh and body fluids, actually lives inside her body. She is someone’s mother, or sister or daughter. And every time I’ve used the word “she” in this post, I’m also referring to the “he’s” that get violated this same way.