No matter how sexual assault takes place, the victim will suffer a permanent loss.
Being sexually violated, in any form, will have a profound impact on your sense of self. Whether you were violently assaulted, or whether you were violated through the insidious, manipulative breach of your self determination by lies, you will need to grieve your loss in order to recover.
We can never go back in time to reclaim our un-raped self, but we can advance through the stages of grief and loss to achieve emotional stability once again.
The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network provides an informative post that explains the stages of recovery from sexual assault. It’s important for victims of sexual assault by fraud to understand that the same characteristics of recovery apply to them as well.
Victims can go through denial and attempt to repress their sense of loss.
They could endlessly ruminate, becoming obsessed with the harm they suffered.
They could try to ameliorate the problem by moving away or changing jobs.
They could have interrupted sleep patterns, weight gain or loss, and deep depression.
Seek help!
Not all family and friends of rape by fraud sufferers understand the devastation in this crime. Hopefully, society has begun to speak about and recognize it. But even your normal support system may not be enough to pick you up from deep depression and help you stop ruminating.
When you find your life impaired by helplessness, anger, anxiety, rumination, trust issues, or other related affects, seek the aid of a professional who has experience with sociopathic behavior and recovery for sexual assault victims
I received this comment last night from a person who refers to himself as “Boozer.” I thought it so important that it warranted an actual post.
It demonstrates exactly how and why the crime of SexFraud takes place:
First of all, of course we know we’re having sex with a person. Men are not a bunch of creepy soulless monsters. We’re actual people as well with real feelings Guys get used and summarily dumped too. I’ve had women (only a few, lol) that never got back to me after we had sex. Did I feel bad? Of course, but I never thought they belonged in jail for it, because they don’t.
The word “entitled” is tricky. I don’t think a woman in a bar is entitled to my finances, my workplace or even my last name if I don’t want to give it out. It’s none of her business. I’m not going to share my private info with every girl I talk to on the chance we might leave the bar together later. She’s not entitled to anything of mine and if that’s a problem then she’s entitled to say goodnight anytime she pleases. If I exaggerate or put the best spin on things, she can accept that or not, it’s her choice. I’m not promising her anything except hopefully a good time. It’s 2015, if by now you’re not aware people might lie to you, you shouldn’t be out walking the streets.
Fraud in the legal sense means misrepresenting something to get money or something of value. What of actual value is given or taken during sex? Realistically the thing of most value in the situation is the man’s sperm.
And here is my response to him:
Boozer-
SexFraud isn’t about getting dumped or not calling you back after sex. I have never said that you should divulge every facet of your background when you first meet someone, but before you have sex with them, you should straighten out any lies you’ve told them.
Frankly, you have demonstrated exactly the type of mentality that’s at the heart of the problem and I thank you for being so candid. I think you exemplify a mindset that is pervasive in today’s society, and you don’t even recognize it as a “sexual assault” mentality. It starts by thinking that sex is simply a type of entertainment and an entitlement, not a privilege.
Apparently, your finances are even more “private” to you than your sex organs. You’ll expose them to someone who you barely know. But don’t worry, SexFraud laws won’t prosecute the casual hook-up in which the victim failed to behave reasonably and jumped into bed with you without any inquiry or research.
Some women feel that way as well. For instance, sex workers share their bodies with people all the time with no emotional connection to their private parts. Or so they think until they’re ripped off, like the recent case in Canberra Australia where the offender was convicted of rape by fraud by tricking her into thinking she would get paid. He gave her a bag that was supposed to contain money. It didn’t.
Just because you don’t value intimacy does not mean that other people don’t. In fact, most of moral society would more happily get ripped off for money than have their sex organs violated. One makes you angry. The other makes you defiled.
Fraud is usurping something of value through a lie. Most people actually value their sexual organs and their right to self-determination over who they share them with. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t have any rape laws at all. Violating a person’ sex organs would simply be an assault. It’s not. It’s a sexual assault, rape, sexual battery, sexual misconduct, sexfraud, or whatever name you’d like to associate with it.
Most people have “feelings” about what happens to them. They don’t necessarily “feel” (that’s called “emotional empathy,”) for what happens to others. From what you’ve said, it seems that you lack emotional empathy.
Having feelings for your own condition, but failing to feel for others is a Narcissitc, and possibly Sociopathic mentality. Lots of folks go through the world that way. Society needs to be made aware how prevalent your mentality is. And laws have to be created to protect people you would harm through you failure to stop yourself.
That person whose sexual organs have no value to you, except warm flesh and body fluids, actually lives inside her body. She is someone’s mother, or sister or daughter. And every time I’ve used the word “she” in this post, I’m also referring to the “he’s” that get violated this same way.
Convicted for Theft by Fraud in Burlington County- William Allen Jordan
The media has stirred up a lot of frenzy over Assembly Bill #3908 in NJ, Sexual Assault by Fraud. But the silly scenarios they use to describe the crime, won’t really lead to an arrest for a couple of reasons:
Personal Responsibility: In New Jersey, personal responsibility means that victims have to take the measures of a “reasonable person” to protect themselves. So if you meet someone and they tell you they drive a Lamborghini, when the only wheels they own are on their bicycle, and you hop in the sack with them without conducting any due diligence or getting to know them well, you haven’t exhibited the level of responsible behavior that would enable you to file charges.
Proof: Criminal trials aren’t decided by “truth.” Rather, they’re determined by “proof.” So if you don’t have documented proof or witnesses that can attest to your claim, you will not be able to convince the police, Prosecutor, Grand Jury, trial judge, and a jury of your peers that a crime actually took place.
Here are some examples of recent media hype:
Newark Star Ledger, 11/24/14
A man woos a woman to bed with tales of his riches, fast cars and a vacation home in Monaco. But he actually lives in his mother’s basement.
Here’s the conflict:
Did she hop into bed with him when they first met without really getting to know him?
Where’s the proof that he actually made those claims?
Newark Star Ledger, 11/24/14
A seemingly wealthy widow convinces a younger man to sleep with her on the notion that they may marry and he’ll inherit her money. In reality, she’s broke.
Here’s the conflict:
Did he hop into bed with her without any research or attempt to get to know her?
Where’s the proof that she actually made those claims?
RawStory, 11/24/14
“What if a man were to say to a woman ‘I love you’ and engage in sex and he really didn’t love her? It could be as simple as that,”
Here’s the conflict:
Lies of intent are particularly difficult to prove. The accused’s defense could simply be, “I changed my mind.” Unless there was significant proof that the offender had no interest in following through at the time the statement was made, no claim could be brought against them.
Hi Arka, March 16, 2015
Can you have someone jailed after sex for:
1) Not being as attractive as you thought they were?
2) Not making as much money as you thought they were?
3) Not being as young/old/intelligent/interesting as you thought they were?
4) Not really being old high school classmates with [insert name of famous actor or actress here]?
5) Not really being a men’s rights advocate?
6) Not really being a feminist?
7) Not really being a good cook?
8) Not really being a skillful lover?
For all of the reasons previously stated the answers are no, no, no, no, no, no, no and no. Plus… attractiveness is a visual perception, not a fraud, Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. And a person’s skillfulness in sex, or lack thereof, is not a hoax or a fraud. It is what it is.
So who would actually get arrested?
Scam artists like William Allen Jordan who defraud people are likely to be charged. He was convicted in New Jersey of theft by fraud and would probably have been convicted of Sexual Assault by Fraud had the law existed at the time. It is alleged that he proposed marriage, engagement ring and all, under a false name and with totally bogus background information, some of which he forged.
An airline employee has infected several women with an STD by tricking them into unprotected sex. He provides them with forged documents about his health.
A New Jersey man is a bigamist, and likely, with multiple wives. He’s active on internet dating sites, and claiming that he’s single, a Marine Reservist and a Psychologist with the FBI. Not a single word of it is true.
A con artist and swindler works in Florida, Idaho and California using internet dating sites to locate targets. He misrepresents his age, his marital status and his health to prey on women for sex and money. He backs up his identity claims with an elaborate web presence that’s full of hot air.
What warrants prosecution?
Cases in which the authorities find that despite the victim’s best efforts to behave responsibly, they were duped, would be prosecutorial. But only if they were accompanied by sufficient proof. One night stands with someone who lied would not be strong enough to warrant an arrest.
People shouldn’t lie to induce sex. If they were untruthful regarding their identity information or intentions when you met them, the time to straighten it out is BEFORE you engage in intimacy. When they fail to do so, they are sexually assaulting you, not seducing you. But you would not be able to bring charges against them without responsible behavior on your part, and significant proof.
I’m now putting an end to the dialogue with Tom Leykis’s “goon squad.”
It’s become blatantly apparent that they really have no interest in conducting an enlightening debate with an open mind. I’ve been hounded by ad hominem attacks and vulgarity for the past couple of days. Here’s a piece, (the rest was too absurd,) that I fished out of a recent comment from one of Leykis’s minions:
“Joyce, I would think this week/weekends humiliatingly inadequate performance up against Leykis and more significantly his listeners/fans, both on the phone and in the arena of the written word, has finally convinced you to give up your quixotic, foolishly misguided little campaign…….”
This will give you a concept of Tom Leykis’s view point:
And I received this tweet from the person who actually invited me to participate on the broadcast:
Ryan M (IPG Channel)
@IndispensableP
Follow Follow @jm_short Thanks for calling in, my little puppet. You served your purpose well. 08:54 PM – 20 Mar 15
They apparently believe that their insults, misstatements, horrific mis-characterization of me, etc, will derail society’s enlightenment and passage of a law to stop SexFraud.
I believe, however, that one can get a clear picture on how the mind of people who oppose the passage of SexFraud law actually works, They have provided us a good understanding of their convoluted justifications for the behavior, and the insight that rape by fraud won’t end until we make laws to ban the behavior.
Here is the beginning of the original post:
I got a new sense of what’s wrong in the dating world last night from my involvement on the Tom Leykis show. You can hear it today on http://blowmeuptom.com/
People really do think that it’s perfectly okay to sexually assault you! Intimacy is not about shared love and caring anymore. Your body has been reduced to a commodity, an entitlement for someone else’s pleasure. Lying is a good way to get the sex that people want.
They chafe that the name for their obsession with underhanded sex is rape and don’t like that offenders will actually have a black mark against themselves for committing a heinous act. After all, in their eyes, it’s perfectly acceptable to have sex through subterfuge.
I heard everything from “no one has to be honest until they are marrying you” to “it’s just sex, what do you care if you know their real name?” And that actually came from a woman! She later tweeted that I assaulted her character. Sorry…. what character?
In the aftermath I learned that trying to find someone who shares your religious values means that you’re a bigot. And that men are the downtrodden masses that are destroyed by the duplicity of women.
I also learned that our system of justice is bigoted against men. We shouldn’t have sexual assault by fraud laws because more men will be arrested than women. It’s not fair! And because statistics show more men rape women than women rape men, men can’t trust law enforcement. It’s just a bad case of rapists being misjudged by society. Gheez, poor guys!
BTW, if a woman’s birth control fails, she’s a rapist, because all women intend to get pregnant in order to entrap men. And if an underage boy engages in sex he should not make any effort to support his child. So I guess that the 8 states that will condemn a female child for committing rape by fraud by lying about her age should not hold the underage boy accountable too?
Ok, enough already!
Until you understand that sex can produce a child, regardless of the precautions you take, don’t have sex! Accidents happen. Everyone who engages in sex must be willing to assume responsibility for the child that could be produced. Don’t want that responsibility, don’t have sex!
Parents, teach your children….. sex produces babies. Until you are old enough and responsible enough to shoulder the upbringing of a child, don’t have sex. It is not a right, it is not an entitlement.
Sex is an honor and a responsibility. What is wrong with society today? How did we sink so far?
Why do people who think sex is nothing more than entertainment get to force themselves on people who value their intimacy by defrauding them? If you just want sex for sex, be honest about it. Go find someone who feels the same way you do. You do not have the right to defraud someone in order to get sex.
Lying to someone is not a crime. Lying in order to take something you otherwise would not get is.
Yes, people GIVE things to scammers all the time. But their act of giving is invalidated by the deception that caused them to do so. The victim’s consent is considered ineffective under the law. A crime, not just a lie, has taken place.
We don’t consider being scammed “changing your mind,” when you discover that a hoax deprived you of your assets, but when the scam is about sex, people seem to think that upon recognition, the victim simply changed their mind about having given their permission.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Just as in all crimes of fraud, they never gave their knowing consent in the first place.
In 1962, the American Law Institute expressed illegal consent the following way:
“Consent is ineffective if induced by force, duress, or deception.”
Many states across the country, including the state of NJ, where Assembly Bill #3908 is currently pending, have adopted the terminology expressed by Model Penal Code as the law in their own jurisdiction.
Why is society blind to rape by fraud?
Somehow, when fraud is used as a tool to undermine a person’s self determination over their sexual sanctity, an act of rape or sexual assault when committed by any other means, most of society does not recognize that a crime is occurring. Drug someone, force someone through coercion or violence….. we know they were raped. Dupe someone? To many people, it’s just “puffery”.. the business as usual of conducting seduction.
The fact that the offender sexually penetrated the victim by usurping their consent through an illegal means is irrelevant to them. They are people who feel manipulation is their right. When they manipulate you for your money, they’ll go to jail. When they manipulate you to sexually penetrate you, that’s perfectly okay.
It’s not! When they defraud you to sexually penetrate your body, they are sexually assaulting you, not seducing you. And if rape by fraud laws exist in your jurisdiction, whether or not they will go to jail depends on whether or not you can prove that a crime took place.
Here’s the definition of fraud that everyone in law school learns in their very first class on this topic:
The offender lies
The offender knows they are lying
The offender expects the person to rely on their lie
The person relies on their lie
The offender takes what the person values based on 1-4
As it does every day, fraud figured prominently in today’s headlines.
In Fargo, ND, two farmers, Aaron and Dereck Johnson, defrauded the government by deliberately destroying their potato crop and cashing-in on a federal insurance plan.
Even our government leaders seem prone to scamming
In NY, deeply entrenched Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver, a fixture in the state’s legislature for over 20 years, was recently charged with a fraudulent hoax that put over $4M in his pockets. How can we expect legislators who use their law practice to mask illegal kickbacks to possibly understand the harm in wearing a mask to conduct sex?
Society has lost its moral compass
People are defrauded of sex each and every day. They feel defiled. For many, their lives are shattered because one person felt that their entitlement to get sex, any way they could, was more important than their victim’s self determination over your body. They violated. They don’t give a damn. This needs to stop.
Editor’s Note: A recent comment by my FL buddy, Lauren, who’d fallen prey to a relationship hoax, reminded me of this post that I’d written about a year ago. She confided that she affectionately told her boyfriend that he seemed to be dosing her with “Love Potion #9.” Little did she know that sociopaths are masters at stirring up our brain chemistry to attract and hook us to them.
Romantic “chemistry” really does attract us and link us to a mate.
Love Potion #9 was one of the most popular songs of 1959. It was written by Lieber and Stoller and originally recorded by The Clovers. It was published by the Aberbach brothers who owned Hill & Range Songs Inc. It’s been covered by over twenty five other artists since its original release. Although it’s a spoof on a chemical concoction that makes people fall in love, it’s not so far from the truth.
Addicted to love
Romantic love has recently been shown to be a chemical addiction, similar to drugs and alcohol, but, when all goes well, it supports our love life instead of diminishing it. The chief chemical component in romantic love is oxytocin, a neurotransmitter. Produced in the brain, it creates a sense of trust and cleaves us to our love interest.
When love goes very wrong
When we’re betrayed, although we may feel abused and defiled, we might continue clinging to the offender because we need to replace the “loved” feeling oxytocin, and the other neurotransmitters, created. The immediate cessation of the chemicals we recognize as love, may cause us to bond more powerfully in an addicted-like fashion that we’re unaware of. Just like an alcoholic craves a drink when they attempt to abstain, a person experiencing betrayal can feel a heightened sense of attachment. The result could be described as being stuck in toxic glue.
The best exit strategy
Having “no contact” with the offender is the best way to free ourselves of destructive loving bonds. Doing so enables us to get rid of the desire and longing that accompanies separation. But it’s extremely difficult for the victim to undertake this type of hyper-separation and it’s all too easy for a predator to misuse brain chemistry to wangle back into their life.
Victims must be able to see the forest, not just the trees, that are blocking the big picture.
The irony in a song
Interestingly, the Aberbach fortune existed in the backdrop of the personal harm I endured from my ex. Hill & Range Songs owned a 50% share of Elvis Presley, 10% of the Beatles, and 75% of the music coming out of Nashville. They owned the lion’s share of all the popular hits of the ’50s and ’60s.
My estranged husband was harbored by Jean Aberbach’s widow while he abandoned our child and deprived me of child support. As related in my book, Carnal Abuse by Deceit, (rt click to link,) the irony of oxytocin’s relationship with Love Potion #9 is particularly poignant for me.
A woman named Deb contacted me about what had happened to her and asked me to post it. It’s a tale that’s typical of the outrageous behavior of internet romantic scam artists with an enlightening “take-away”.
A little background….
Tom seemed to be a great match for Deb. He found her in an on-line dating site. He was a good communicator and they spent hours on the phone, almost daily, throughout their eight month relationship. She felt the “chemistry” of a new found connection right away when they first met.
He claimed that his job caused him to travel on assignments. Shortly after they met, he was called away. Little did she recognize, at the time, that married men frequently disguise their existing relationships by claiming the need to travel for business.
More false claims
Tom pretended that he was a Marine Reservist and a Forensic Psychologist. He’d been turned down by the Marines and never went to college. He stated his age as 41 when he was actually 52. He is alleged to be a bigamist. The case has been filed against him in New Jersey and is currently pending.
Debunking the myth
We often hear people accuse SexFraud victims of ignorance and gullibility. But one would hardly use those terms to describe Deb. In fact, she’s trained to recognize, sort out, and deal with issues that surface in dating. She’s a dating coach. She believes that the elevated level of conquest piqued Tom’s interest and made her a “high value” target.
You can read more about Deb’s case on her blog. She has located a number of additional victims who Tom has hoaxed and they serve as a support group for each other.
Who would suspect a man who tells you he’s educated is a high school drop out? Why would you possibly think he’s lying if he says he has no kids or is single, while his wife of 17 years is at home caring for his 3 children. What would trigger your fears when the supporting Facebook page for his business is nothing more than a scam that hides his three stretches in Attica. And when he shows you medical documents that indicate he’s healthy, why would you suspect they’re forged and he’s deliberately passing along HIV?
Yes, there are cases that sound outlandish to the viewing public…….a man tells you he’s an operative for the British Defense Ministry, a sort of, James Bond.
Who would believe such outrageous nonsense?
When you hear the “James Bond” victim’s story, her ability to plot-out his arrest, you wonder who conned whom. On national TV, she boasted about using a pocketbook spy cam to create a “sting” operation and how she lured him into the hands of the waiting police, creating fodder for her book deal. But the schemes that hoax most victims are far more compelling, insidious and heartbreaking.
A victim is a victim
Don’t get me wrong, people who get “punked” in outlandish scams deserve the same protections against sexual assault by fraud as everyone else, even though the more “out there” the tale, the more difficult it is for society to relate. But it’s the frauds that are so entirely plausible, the “honest-sounding lies,” that are even more sinister and insidious. They leave the victim feeling totally unable to protect themselves and create deeply rooted Post Traumatic Stress.
People who believe outrageous lies end up blaming themselves but recognizing that their trust was bestowed on a person who did not deserve it. A person who was raped by simple, plausible, believable character distortion; however, may never feel safe to trust again.
A different kind of Valentine’s rose….
Lying to induce sex IS, WAS and ALWAYS WILL BE a crime. The issue over the creation of Sexual Assault by Fraud law is not whether or not a crime takes place, but whether or not our Legislators are brave enough and moral enough to protect us from a defiling act that a significant portion of their constituents believe is just their way of having fun, their right.
To them, It’s no big deal….. it’s just a little white lie.
As a Valentine’s Day gift to yourself and society, please sign the petition to Stop Sexual Assault by Fraud today! Please add your name to the growing bouquet of signatures.
Spectacular in photos, but not so pretty when it comes to protecting against Sexual Assault by Fraud!
There are 13 types of fraud identified in Chapter 37 of Maine’s Penal Code. And one of them, Misuse of Identification, is particularly revealing. It states that oral misrepresentation of name, date of birth, or any other means of identifying the person that is generally accepted as accurate and reliable, would make the offender guilty of a specific crime.
This statute enables us to see that providing oral false statements about one’s identity, when used to conduct an illicit act, is, indeed, penalized in Maine, but not when it comes to defrauding a victim of sex.
2. A person is guilty of gross sexual assault if that person engages in a sexual act with another person and:
A. The actor has substantially impaired the other person’s power to appraise or control the other person’s sexual acts by furnishing, as defined in section 1101, subsection 18, paragraph A, administering or employing drugs, intoxicants or other similar means. Violation of this paragraph is a Class B crime; [2007, c. 474, §1 (AMD).]
Arguably, this clause could enforce rape by fraud if the state would support that lies impair the victim’s ability to “appraise and control” and if fraud would be considered “other similar means.” Instead, the state of Maine prosecutes one specific type of Sexual Assault by Fraud, that of being duped into accepting a drug that could render the victim powerless against sexual contact:
A. The other person is a patient of the actor and has a reasonable belief that the actor is administering the substance for medical or dental examination or treatment; or [2007, c. 474, §2 (NEW).
Unless otherwise provided, when causing a result is an element of a crime, causation may be found where the result would not have occurred but for the conduct of the defendant operating either alone or concurrently with another cause, unless the concurrent cause was clearly sufficient to produce the result and the conduct of the defendant was clearly insufficient. [1981, c. 324, §14 (NEW).]
In every act of Sexual Assault by Fraud, the result, sexual relations, would not have occurred but for the conduct of the defendant operating either alone or concurrently with another cause. In fact, many cases of sexual assault by fraud occur alongside defrauding the victim of money or property and sometimes, even for immigration status.
Sexual relations with someone mentally incapable of consent
Administering drugs intoxicants or similar means
Engaing in sex with someone who is incapable of resisting and has not consented to the sexual act
Engaging in sex when various circumstances of authority or medical care exist
In general, Maine needs to create specific language to protect its citizens, and travelers who come to fish, hunt, swim, hike, ski, kayak, bird watch, snowboard, surf, sail and conduct all kinds of other activities, from the perils of sexual assault by fraud when they’re visiting the state.
Carlos Lamborghini is NOT the name of the man who scammed Lauren Lazarro of Tampabay/Sarasota FL. We’ve changed it ’til additional victims step forward to bring charges. There’s safety, and validity, in numbers. We know he’s harmed many unsuspecting women who think they have no recourse.
This Italian Lothario, con artist has claimed the name of a speedy sports car and can rip you off for sex and money from zero to 10 seconds!
Here’s what happened in Ms. Lazarro’s words:
I was defrauded on a popular dating site by a man that was a complete impostor presenting himself as a wealthy Romantic Italian man that had been a cruise ship officer and presently working as a marketing entrepreneur. All of his professionally designed web pages and videos supported his claims. I fell in love with him.
He defrauded me of thousands of dollars and over a year of my life in a long distance relationship. He tried to come after a lot more money to finish me off. I think his Italian accent was fake and his name is an alias. He lied about his age. I also believe he lied about his country of origin, his military service, and his education.
Without legislation on the use of “false personation” to conduct rape by fraud, I can’t even file a complaint with the sheriff’s office. I was told, “Lesson learned,” and “Don’t come back!” So, the problem is that this predator can set up shop in town with internet dating, scam a lot of women in a local area, and then flee the area. I am sure there are more victims of this man in Florida. It was an elaborate scheme.
If you’ve been defrauded by a man whose name mimics a fancy high-end sports car, with a sophisticated web-site that promotes his, probably, non-existent, multi-level business, please comment here, or you can reach Joyce privately by using the data form on the Stop Rape By Fraud page of this blog. None of the information you enter there is publicly disclosed.
He can be anywhere but is known to frequent Florida, Idaho and California.
Dressed in street clothes he’d soon be swapping for an orange jumpsuit, William Allen Jordan, watches the case preceding his own.
In his comments to Judge Phillip Haines, New Jersey ADA, Steve Eife said, “The case against Jordan reads like a fictional book.”
Jordan had pretended to be an operative of the British Defense Ministry to scam NJ resident, Mischele Lewis, into sexual conduct, a long term relationship, pregnancy, and the loss of of $4,383.00.
Playing the sympathy card
Attorney, Karen Thek, attempted to impress Judge Philip Haines with efforts Jordan had made toward restitution. He’d handed over a cashier’s check for the amount he’d stolen from Lewis. He’d pleaded guilty to the charges. Thek stressed that Jordan had difficulty raising the money due to the negative notoriety created by the press.
Ever the charmer, Jordan attempted a last ditch effort to soften up Judge Haines. He lamented, “My attorney said it all. All I can do is apologize. My mother is in the hospital. I just want to get back to helping her and my father,” No one in the court room who knew his story was running for the tissue box!
Judge Philip E. Haines being sworn in by Governor Chris Christie
Haines recounted a litany of prior convictions and arrests, starting with seven counts of passing bad checks, each for over $200. He cited British convictions for bigamy and sexual assault. He remarked that even the five years of prison that Jordan had already served failed to deter him, and that the public needed to be protected from him.
Jordan was sentenced to:
Three years’ incarceration in the New Jersey State Penitentiary
Full restitution
Waiver of appeal
No contact, ever, with Ms. Lewis
Jordan received credit for 130 days he’d already served, then Officer Kocher approached and directed him to put his hands behind his back. He complied and she cuffed his wrists. Then she quietly escorted him out of the room to the jail located down the hall. After the harm he’d created for the women whose lives he’d touched, the irony that his jailer was a female was poetic.
So ended Will Jordan’s personal contribution to sexual assault by fraud law in the state of New Jersey.
Jordan’s case was the first that came my way after publishing Carnal Abuse by Deceit. The book was launched on November 20, 2013. Donna Anderson contacted me about the Jordan case less than 4 months later. She’d read my book and reviewed it on her blog, LoveFraud.com. She knew I was advocating for laws to protect against the type of crime Jordan committed, and working with victims to get that accomplished. When Lewis complained to her about her case, Anderson referred her to me.
Lewis read my book and learned why Jordan’s conduct should be a criminal offense. Her case was a good example for the law I’d suggested, so I agreed to help.
A post on this web page attracted the attention of Michele Noberto who’d inspired “Nicole’s Law” to provide restraining orders for sexual assault victims. Even though Lewis had applied for one and been turned down by Judge John Tomasello, Noberto discovered that a temporary order had indeed been issued under “Nicole’s Law.”
Assemblyman Troy Singleton, who represents Lewis’s district, noticed the press coverage Anderson and I had generated. He offered to submit a legislative bill prohibiting Sexual Assault by Fraud.
NBC’s Dateline created an episode about Jordan called The Mystery Man.
Currently existing laws in NJ and the Prosecutor’s failure
ADA Steve Eife insisted on charging Jordan with sexual assault by coercion even though no coercion had taken place. Lewis agreed to Eife’s plan and the grand jury failed to indict because there was no coercion.
Before the grand jury met, I’d appealed to Eife to enter a charge that excluded coercion, but he’d turned a deaf ear. At the sentencing I asked why he hadn’t used mental incapacity or simple sexual assault. Mental incapacity states that an offender cannot use drugs or any other meansto alter a victim’s awareness. He insisted that only referred to hypnosis even though his claim is not supported by the statute.
There was clear and compelling proof that Jordan had defrauded Lewis of sex and a possibility that the Grand Jury could have indicted. For sure, they could not indict on “coercion. They indicted for theft by fraud which was based on the same lies that defrauded Lewis of sex.
I argued that deception vitiates consent as stated in Model Penal Code. Eife claimed that Model Penal Code’s Consent Provision does not apply in NJ law, yet it’s as plain as day on page 148 of NJ’s Criminal Law Digest:
Consent is ineffective, unless otherwise provided, if it is given by a person who is induced by force, duress, or deception, or by a person who is legally incompetent or otherwise unable to judge the harmfulness of the conduct. N.J.S.A. 2C:2-10c.
Laws don’t assume. If something is not specifically stated as contradictory, it’s up to the jury to determine whether or not it applies. Eife did not give Jordan’s case the opportunity it needed to determine whether the language in the law could or should be sufficient to prosecute fraud as a means to sexually assault the victim. His failure underscores flagrant misconceptions about consent.
A victory, none-the-less
Tonight, I’m celebrating a milestone for Carnal Abuse by Deceit. It succeeded in opening society’s conversation about rape by fraud in the modern era.
Mankind is noted for having three differing types of empathy: cognitive, emotional and compassionate. But there are significant problems that take place when a person has too much or too little of any specific kind.
Cognitive Empathy- Sensing what’s going on with the people around us
Cognitive empathy enables us to perceive what’s going on with the next person. But just because you know what they are experiencing, and what motivates them, does not mean you’ll exhibit caring or be able to put yourself in their shoes. In fact, it may do just the opposite.
Strong cognitive empathy is the tool that torturers rely on to shake a prisoner down for information. They can detach completely from any sense of pathos toward their victim. People who have high levels of cognitive empathy make great politicians and sales people. When cognitive empathy is accompanied by emotional empathy, it’s a good thing.
Sociopaths that conduct emotional harm are intuitive about the needs and wants of their target. They’ll use cognitive clues to position themselves for acceptance, just like a chameleon changes colors. The problem is, they lack the emotional empathy that reigns-in their self-interest. Most people who recover from relationships with sociopaths think back on them as “reptilians” for good reason. There is a distinct cold-bloodiness in the way they operate.
Having cognitive empathy and no conscience enables swindlers to come up with asset grabs. Bernie Madoff pops to mind as a good example. We often think of con artists as people who try to sell the Brooklyn Bridge to an unsuspecting victim.
Emotional Empathy- The knee-jerk reaction to the perils that others experience
Emotional empathy enables us to embrace the feelings of others as if we were sharing their experience. When your heart pops into your mouth as someone falls off their chair, you are experiencing emotional empathy. People with appropriate levels of emotional empathy go through life thinking that everyone has it…. until they crash headfirst into the path of someone who does not. Their efforts to try to convey their experience to others is often met with disbelief, which makes the victim feel even more violated and isolated.
A person with high levels of emotional empathy could be hamstrung from benefiting the person with a problem because they may get too emotional to react in a positive way. That’s where compassionate empathy kicks in.
Compassionate Empathy- How we make a difference in the lives of others
Through compassionate empathy, we can use our emotional empathy to produce a meaningful result. A person with a well balanced level of compassionate empathy would come to the aid of the individual who fell, calling 911 if needed, or problem solving to determine what the situation warrants. People with compassionate empathy will appear outwardly cool in a pinch, even while feeling significant concern for the person who’s in danger. While they might fall apart after the crisis ends, they remain sufficiently detached to provide help when it’s needed.
The risk of compassionate empathy in dating
Having compassionate empathy puts people at risk for becoming victims, particularly in internet dating scams. The actor grooms their target with an overabundance of loving gestures to fuel their sense of belonging and build trust. The offender will jiggle the hook with a small bait-like request for a token “favor.” They may even provide reciprocal favors in return, grooming the victim further.
Ultimately, when they believe the victim is sufficiently snagged, they’ll spring a mega-request, and it’s usually about money, sex, or immigration related. It’s often couched in language that makes the request seem like an emergency. Targets that fail to produce the desired result get hit with a scathing attack aimed at crushing their self esteem. They are often too embarrassed and devastated to immediately seek help. They are stunned by the cessation of love they had counted on. Before they regain their equilibrium, the predator is long gone. and probably bad mouthing them to their next victim.
How empathy factors in our relationships
Emotional empathy is absolutely necessary in sustaining a loving relationship. Without it, a person is only capable of engaging with others on a “What’s in it for me?” basis. While they may pretend to be caring, because they know it’s socially acceptable to do so, their self-centered way of looking at the universe will ultimately surface. There will be no “agreeing to disagree” in order to make peace, a negotiation skill that is vital in order to sustain a relationship when acrimony occurs, as it does in any human interaction.
A mate with no emotional empathy cannot and will not put themselves in your shoes. They simply lack the ability to do so. And without this ability, they cannot develop a conscience. The only limits to their behavior stem from fear of being “outed,” and fear of loss or consequences.
No amount of bargaining, acquiescing, pleading, explaining, or cajoling will change their mindset. It is the way they are wired. Once a person advances past the life stage in which their moral code of conduct forms, they are who they are, and YOU will not change them.
How do you know if you’re dating a sociopath?
Someone who lies to you, in order to seduce you, has little or no emotional empathy. They do not put themselves in your shoes. They see you as a prize, an entitlement, a piece of property, but not as the living, breathing, caring human being that you are. If they were dishonest in their on-line dating description, or other information they initially fed you, they have no conscience. They are self indulgent.
The derisive manipulation of a person without emotional empathy will undermine your well-being. Even if the relationship remains intact, the victim’s self esteem will be shredded. So if you are experiencing loss of worth or other abuse, get help, today!
If you are with someone who displays a lack of emotional empathy toward others, it’s a sign of their real, underlying nature.
But, isn’t there a cure? Doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance? I felt so loved!
Sociopaths are people who lack emotional empathy. That is how their brain works. They are not sick. They are disordered. They know the difference between right and wrong. They just don’t care. They will not get better, but the longer you endure their behavior, the worse your situation will become.
They played with your brain chemistry to hook you. Find someone who loves you for you, not for your assets or other services you provide for them. Get out before giving birth to their child or financial complications get in the way.
A lucky example of collective compassionate empathy!
All of you with emotional empathy will be happy to know that the group of onlookers in the title photo rushed to the aid of the little boy who dangled from his fathers hands. He plunged 25 feet into their waiting arms, and skied the rest of the day. Thanks to Matt Roeser who had his camera at the ready to snap this awesome testament to compassionate empathy at Hidden Valley in Wisconsin.
William Allen JordanMischele and I on the steps of the courthouse in Burlington County NJ
This post initially appeared on November 14, 2014:
William Allen Jordan, who defrauded NJ resident Mischele Lewis of sex and money, took a plea deal, for 3 years behind bars, today! In addition, he’ll be required to pay $4,383 in restitution, and a $15,000 fine. He can have no contact with Lewis for the rest of his life. His sentence begins on February 6, 2015.
There’s a great deal more to the back story!
I was contacted to help Mischele because I’d authored a book about the romance scam that happened to me. Carnal Abuse by Deceit was published 4 months prior to my learning about Mischele. I wrote it to raise awareness and help victims like her recover from Rape by Fraud or Deception. I was encouraged that, indeed, it was hitting its mark and I spent countless hours speaking with Mischele by phone, through emails, and in person in order to help her. Continue reading William Allen Jordan Gets Jail Time!→
OMG! When you cross the state line into Alabama, the sign should read, “Now Entering Alabama, The State of Enlightenment!”
scores.espn.go.com
Alabama’s not just noteworthy for the successes of The Crimson Tide. The Code of Alabama punishes the unspecified use of fraud in sexual intercourse as “Sexual Misconduct,” a Class A Misdemeanor, punishable by a fine of $1,000 and/or up to two years in jail. The statute applies to both male and female offenders.
Here is the law:
Section 13A-6-65
Sexual misconduct.
(a) A person commits the crime of sexual misconduct if:
(1) Being a male, he engages in sexual intercourse with a female without her consent, under circumstances other than those covered by Sections 13A-6-61 and 13A-6-62; or with her consent where consent was obtained by the use of any fraud or artifice; or
(2) Being a female, she engages in sexual intercourse with a male without his consent; or
(3) He or she engages in deviate sexual intercourse with another person under circumstances other than those covered by Sections 13A-6-63 and 13A-6-64. Consent is no defense to a prosecution under this subdivision.
(b) Sexual misconduct is a Class A misdemeanor.
(Acts 1977, No. 607, p. 812, §2318.)
Don’t defraud someone of sex in Alabama! What more can I say other than thank you, Alabama!
While the pilgrims suffered countless obstacles to navigate uncharted waters, their descendants surely failed to rise above the sea of legal rhetoric on rape by fraud back in 2008. It was a tragically lost opportunity.
In Suliveres v. Commonwealth, 449 Mass. 112 (2007), the court deemed the defendant not guilty in a case in which he disguised himself as his brother to have sex with the brother’s girlfriend. Another MA case of rape by fraud was similarly dismissed when a lab technician passed himself off as a doctor.
Then Representative, Peter J. Koutoujian, currently the Sheriff of Middlesex County, proposed a law to make rape by fraud a crime. The law was considered “too broad,” and was voted down. The principle behind what defines “too broad” is that the law could be carried out if a man poses as single when, in fact, he’s married.
The following is a quote from CBS News at the time:
Rape by deception is just as damaging and illegal as rape by force, said Middlesex County District Attorney Gerry Leone. If the law passes here, a common concern is that the legislation’s vague language regarding deception will result in women who have been seduced by men posing as someone else or claiming to be unmarried filing rape charges.
So let’s examine the concept by which the law was rejected….
Joe Hitched, (sorry guys but this occurs far more frequently with men fooling women than women fooling men,) is on his own for a week. His wife is out of town to care for her father who just had heart surgery. Joe’s feeling bored and decides to go hang out at the neighborhood watering hole, the one with the loud music, pool table, and pretty women.
As Joe approaches the door, he takes off his wedding band, surveying his hand to see if he can detect a faint line where the ring normally sits. Content that his deception won’t be noticed, he finds a seat at the crowded bar and orders a beer.
Susie Single, fresh from a recent breakup with her boyfriend, is standing next to him. He offers to buy her a drink and they begin a chatting, friendly banter. He challenges her to a game of pool and before you know it, they’re kicking it up on the dance floor. When the beat turns to a slow simmer, he puts an arm around her waist and they sway seductively to the music.
Susie’s impressed with his good looks. She’s an intelligent woman, a nurse. He’s well spoken, seems like an educated guy, and he has a fun loving disposition. She’s not one to succumb to the flirting of the moment, but she gives him her number. When she gets home, she “Googles” him. He works where he said he did. Nothing negative appears on the internet.
Joe calls the very next day. “What a catch,” Susie thinks, “someone who’s not a game player!” She accepts his invitation for dinner. He makes a reservation for a romantic dinner cruise, and he tells her all about his divorce and the two kids he’s estranged from, since his terrible ex is giving him a hard time.
Susie’s heart melts. She feels an instant chemistry with Joe. He seems like the perfect guy… interested in his children, easy to talk to, hard-working. When he walks her to the door, and kisses her good-night, she’s caught up in the passion and invites him in. They have totally consensual, so she thinks, sex, that night, the next, and the next.
When his wife returns, Joe covers up his marriage by saying he needs to travel for business. Susie understands that his job takes him away, until she runs into him shopping with his wife at the local mall.
So, was their sex consensual? She agreed to it, right? Or was she defrauded into it?
Susie was raised by her mother after her father made off with his secretary. She was adamant that she would never do to a family what her father had done to hers. Had she known Joe was married, she would not have gotten involved with him. Joe not only broke his marriage vows, he embroiled Susie in adultery and sexually assaulted her by fraud.
Why do our laws insist in protecting offenders who do this to women all the time? Why would a state deliberately turn its back on protecting a woman against assault by someone pretending to be her boyfriend or her doctor, in order to give Joe Hitched carte blanche to defile Susie Single? Is it because so many people do this that our Legislators are concerned they won’t get re-elected if they stand for the right thing?
Divorce is rampart in our country. Often, marriages crumble because it’s so easy to step out and hook up in another relationship. While people will argue that our courts will be inundated with charges against offenders, I’d argue that the volume of divorce is likely to diminish when offenders realize there are real and meaningful consequences to this behavior.
And the very simple response to the concept that our courts will be overrun with rape by fraud claims is: people should stop taking off their rings to defraud others of sex. But even if they don’t, cases of “he said, she said,” are unlikely to meet the burden of proof required for prosecution. Prosecuting a “rape by fraud” case would take “proofs” that will hold up in a courtroom, not the unsupported lies that are common in hook-ups. For that reason, even though Joe committed what we can see, generically, as “rape by fraud,” will he be prosecuted? Probably no.
If we’d like to live in a moral society, our laws must conform with morality. Sexually assaulting someone by fraud is both morally reprehensible and a crime. Just because Joe Hitched won’t be charged, does not make it less so.
Sadly, the Sheriff’s efforts, from the town where I was born, failed to acknowledge that duplicity invalidates consent in all things, including sex. I take this one personally.
Seems like an over abundance of swamp water drowns out the need to protect victims in Louisiana. The Bayou State has several statutes on rape, but none measure up on rape by fraud! There is aggravated rape, forcible rape, and simple rape. The construct that comes closest to rape by fraud, in Louisiana’s negligent criminal code, is simple rape, 43(a)(1).
In statute 43(a)(1), one example of simple rape is defined as sexual intercourse without the lawful consent of the victim when the victim is incapable of resisting or of understanding the nature of the act by reason of a stupor or abnormal condition of mind produced by an intoxicating agent or any cause and the offender knew or should have known of the victim’s incapacity.
The argument that could support a rape by fraud claim under this statute is that the victim was as unaware of the nature of the act as an intoxicated or drugged victim would be. Their consent, in any of the related cases, would not be freely given and knowing consent, because the offender duped them, (any cause,) into the act, and knew they were doing so at the time.
The ambiguity of this law could be cleared up by simply inserting the words “or duplicity” after “intoxicating agent.”
Protecting Wives Against Rape by Fraud
Louisiana’s statutes do contain one specific act of rape by fraud; (in the inducement,) that of impersonating the husband of the victim.
§43.3 When the female victim submits under the belief that the person committing the act is her husband and such belief is intentionally induced by any artifice, pretense, or concealment practiced by the offender.
By having implemented this law, Louisiana clearly shows that the use of fraud in seduction breaches knowing consent, but reserves their remedy solely for married women. This concept comes from the notion that a wife is a husband’s property. Defiling her is punishable because it is an offense against the husband. Unmarried women, therefore, are unprotected.
Idaho case tested the practice for single women
If a man posed as a boyfriend or fiancee, the charge would not apply. In a 2011 case in Idaho, against Zachary McGraw, the case was in fact dismissed because the victim was unmarried. The Judge on the case, the Hon. Cheri Copsey, found the disparity in the law “despicable”, but never-the-less, it still stands in Idaho and Louisiana. (Refer to pg. 184 of Carnal Abuse by Deceit.)
Louisiana’s statute on fraud as it relates to Theft, is crystal clear!
Theft is the misappropriation or taking of anything of value which belongs to another, either without the consent of the other to the misappropriation or taking, or by means of fraudulent conduct, practices, or representations.
The degrees of damage under this statute vary according to the monetary value of the loss. It appears that losing your most precious asset, your sexual sanctity, does not measure up to consideration since it has no quantifiable monetary value. Take a man’s money, off to jail you go. Defile a woman, (or anybody for that matter,) no problem!
A passage from the public online journal of Mischele Lewis, a rape by fraud victim from New Jersey
“Rape by deception is a fairly new concept. I know it’s setting a legal precedent out there but being the victim of such a crime, I’m certainly feeling passionate about it. No, I’m not saying that every man or woman out there who has an affair and tells their significant other that they’re single when they really aren’t should be open to prosecution when the truth comes out. But in a case like this where he lied about his entire EXISTENCE and used those lies to rob me of my sanctity, my body, my knowing CONSENT! I asked him why he didn’t tell me sooner. He said he was afraid to lose me. You think??!?
So let’s look at what Mischele says….
“Rape by fraud is a fairly new concept.” She’s says this in order to represent that she’s brought the concept to NJ. Not so fast Mischele…. you read it in my book. And it’s not new….
Socrates wrote about rape by fraud way back in the Roman era. Professor Susan Estrich wrote a book about it in 1982, called Real Rape. Several notable legal commentators have written about it, such as Law Professor Patricia J. Falk of Cleveland-Marshall College of Law. There are states like TN whose penal code has existed since 1977. And my own book, Carnal Abuse by Deceit, How a Predator’s Lies Became Rape, was published in 2013, before you learned that Jordan wasn’t who he said he was.
In my book, which she not only read, but commented that she was xeroxing it for her attorney, I sincerely thank those who came before me, and upon whose convictions and knowledge my own work stands. It’s the background that lead me to help Mischele deal with her misfortune. Not only should no one ever xerox a copyrighted book, but I find it outrageous when someone fails to honor the work and efforts of others in order to self-aggrandize. I’d probably let it go if I felt she was creating a benefit in society’s awareness, but she’s doing just the opposite, and here’s why:
According to Mischele, when someone says they’re single but they’re actually married, the law should not apply. She’s wholeheartedly wrong! The law is either “it’s wrong to lie” or “it’s not wrong to lie.” There’s no middle ground here. You can’t be just a little bit pregnant! Laws are based on legal concepts and you can’t simply pick when you’ll apply it and when you won’t.
The law will not prosecute cases of “he said, she said,” because they lack significant proof. No prosecutor will act on the case. That, and not that it’s not a crime, will prevent marital cheats from facing prosecution.
Mischele is out to get a law passed for what happened to her. But she is self-serving to the detriment of other victims. And, she is totally overlooking the fact that NJ already defines sexual assault as sexual conduct without consent, and consent as ineffective if produced by force duress or deception. What is needed in NJ is Prosecutors with the cojones to do the right thing!
Coming to a victim’s aid….
Mischele was introduced to me by Donna Anderson, the author of LoveFraud, How marrying a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. She blogs at LoveFraud.com and has helped countless people recognize and deal with the aftermath of a relationship with a sociopath. I’ve written posts for Donna’s blog, and she knew I focus on combating rape by fraud by attempting to implement laws against it. When she learned of the problem Mischele had run into, she introduced us.
I spoke with Mischele over the phone and attempted to help her understand why what had happened to her was a crime. I told her I believed that either New Jersey would prosecute Will Jordan, the guy who duped her, or their failure to do so could provide the ammunition needed to protect other victims. She asked me to go with her to the police and file a report. I researched the statutes in New Jersey, put the information together in a file, and included two copies of my book. I drove the two hours from NYC to Florence NJ, where Donna Anderson, Mischele, and I paid a visit to the police.
Two days later, William Allen Jordan, who had posed as a completely different character than his actual identity, was arrested. The charges were 2nd degree sexual assault by coercion, third degree robbery by fraud, and impersonating an officer. It was my impression at the time that the coercion charge wouldn’t stick because Allen had not threatened Lewis. Quite the contrary. He had charmed her.
Mischele discovered Jordan’s true identity through a book and other efforts by Mary, one of his former wives. Mary truly deserves accolades for going public with Jordan’s story. Her ordeal made headlines in the UK and received additional media attention. Without her book, Mischele may never have known the truth. Mischele intends to write her story and has created a public journal.
Moving forward on 3 fronts…..
There are three major problems Mischele’s case could help resolve:
First- There is a cavernous hole in Meagan’s Law which requires the registration of convicted sexual molesters. Jordan had been convicted as a pedophile in the UK, but was deported to the US with no notice to NJ authorities.
Mischele was fortunate that the Assemblyman in her area, Troy Singleton, became aware of her case. He has agreed to introduce the Assembly version of legislation to close the international gap in Meagan’s Law, requiring the registration of international offenders who come to US shores.
Second- Michele Norberto, the mother of a sexual assault victim who had been instrumental in creating a New Jersey law called Nicole’s Law, contacted me. Nicole’s Law mandates that all sexual assault victims in New Jersey are to receive restraining orders against their offenders. She had noticed an online post I’d written, describing that Mischele Lewis had been denied a restraining order against Jordan.
The Judge, John Tomasello, had assailed Lewis for being “gullible”. And he likened her to a “gold digger” because she found him on the site, “Established Men.” He claimed that if he restrained Jordan he’d have to restrain all “college students”, as if lying to seduce someone was just kids’ play.
Mischele and I on the courthouse steps the day of the Tomasello hearing
Nicole’s law was enacted to spare sexual assault victims from further, immediate harm. Although the record shows that Mischele had been issued a restraining order back when the arrest was made, she did not learn of it until after she suffered the wrath of Tomasello. She found out because Michele Norberto stepped up and contacted the authorities after reading my post.
Third- Sexual assault by fraud has other names such as rape by deception, impostor rape, and more. I have no preference as to what legislators call it, as long as the legislation is enacted in states that need it. The act could be considered as part of “date rape” in which the actor clouds self determination with drugs or alcohol. In fraud cases, the offender uses duplicity for the same purpose.
The realities of creating such a law
The problems of submitting language on this crime are many and great. People resist the concept because they believe the premise of “lies” as sexual assault may be offensive to victims of violent assault. By way of comparison, whether you’re defrauded of money or someone smashes you over the head with a two-by-four to grab your jewelry and your wallet, you’ve been robbed. Who can pass judgment on how violated a victim feels or should feel in either case? But Mischele, in pursuing a new law for NJ, should recognize that the law already exists, and for all deception, not just the one that happened to her.
When offenders lie about their marital status, a major deal breaker with most moral adults, they break their marriage vows, embroil the victim in adultery and fornication, and commit sexual assault by fraud. The victim has the right to self-determination over with whom they engage in sex, and should never be defrauded into a choice. A married man looking for hook-ups needs to find a “consenting” adult. Obviously it limits the field, which is exactly my point. Society needs to know.
Asm. Singleton also introduced a law on Sexual Assault by fraud. I attempted to ameliorate the problem of violent rape objectors and I received this message from one of his staffers as a cc:
“We have also requested OLS to draft legislation that would make sexual assault accomplished by fraud a crime, similar to Tennessee’s rape statute, including the language suggested by Joyce Short:
“The differentiation in the law should be one of “violent sexual assault” vs “non-violent sexual assault.” Violent sexual assault would apply when the person is physically overwhelmed by the offender. Non-violent sexual assault would be sexual assault committed by doping, intoxicating, DUPING, or coercing, and sexual penetration with someone unable to consent by virtue of age or mental capacity. “”
When Mischelle saw the note she called me screaming that I had interloped on “Her Law” and that I should go back to New York. She demanded that Asm. Singleton drop that language from the bill. Doing so caused huge negative repercussions in the press. And the bill failed to pass.
Furthermore……
While Mischele was personally dealt a heinous crime of defilement, her post dismisses the crux of why it’s a crime. Lying to a victim to engage them in sex is, indeed, a sexual assault, period. The offender has sexually penetrated a person’s body by vitiating their knowing consent. In NJ, such consent is characterized as affirmative permission and the one change that would make NJ’s law more on-point is to simply change the words “affirmative permission” to “consent.”
I do not feel it is appropriate for Mischele to stand in judgement over how victimized others are when they are defrauded of sex. Whether the perpetrator uses the same duplicity that literally charmed the pants off of her, or any other ruse, all victims of sexual duplicity are violated.
Criminal code ascribes degrees of severity
Once a criminal act is identified, it is up to law makers to apply degrees to the crime. Those degrees convey the depth of seriousness of the crime. For instance, the crime of saying you’re single when you’re married to have sex with the victim once, could be sexual misconduct in the third degree, as opposed to a more severe charge against someone who continually assaults that victim by perpetuating the fraud over many years.
Mental health professionals have determined, and common sense dictates, that the damage to the victim increases with repetition. In other crimes, repetition of offenses is acknowledged by counts. Denying that a crime was committed when this behavior happens, even once, however, discounts the entire concept of “knowing consent” and discredits that the perpetrator’s willful and intentional invalidation of consent, by their duplicity, is criminal in any instance.
In cases where further crime takes place, the initial criminal behavior raises to the level of an “aggravated” act. In Mischele’s case, the offender was additionally charged with defrauding her of money. His conduct would warrant an arrest for “aggravated sexual assault by fraud,” a felony, as opposed to a one-time hookup which might warrant a misdemeanor charge. An Israeli case of a one-time offense resulted in an 18 month sentence for the perpetrator.
Varying types of deceit
When the tall tale that vitiates knowing consent is about the identity of the actor, the victim is penetrated by someone who is a stranger to them. Identity lies are irrefutable. They are not like a lie of intent in which the offender could rebut that they simply changed their mind.
Lies of intent are difficult to prove in any fraud, but should be dealt with in sexual assault in the same way that they’re dealt on all fraud charges. The difference in fraud that robs you of your assets vs fraud that robs you of your sexual sanctity, is simply the “booty” being sought. (Please pardon the pun, I just couldn’t resist!) Why should it be more burdensome for the court to determine whether a lie of intent existed in a sexual assault by fraud case than any other fraud case? That determination is their job.
In lies of identity, a person is either 28 or 48. They can’t have an MBA from a prestigious university and also be a high school dropout. The lie of identity is definitive and conclusive. It is specifically told to vitiate the knowing consent of the victim by masking the identity of the offender.
Validation at last……
I was delighted to have worked with Mischele to get Jodan arrested. and I was happy to discuss the law with Asm. Singleton in his efforts to make a difference. Hopefully, he will act on a law that requires Prosecutors to pay attention to the language that currently exists in their penal code to bring offenders to justice. But the nonsense that the only kind of fraud that harms them is the kind that happened to Mischele is simply self-serving nonsense.
Be aware. Sexual assault by fraud can happen to anyone! Here are some things YOU can do about it……
NJ residents- Call your legislators and tell them to vote to uphold the laws on sexual consent.
Residents in other states- Contact the legislators in your state to adopt language for a Sexual Assault by Fraud law, today!
Everyone- Please contact me today if you are a victim of Sexual Assault by Fraud in any state!
