1. Do I have to be a New Jersey resident to sign the petition? I want to support our fight any way I can.
    Thank you so much for this blog, and for your courage to fight and give us victims a voice. Thank you.

  2. My story isn’t different from many of the the victims. I was engaged to a man that was supposedly divorced. I helped with the care of his daughter. I got pregnant, I was on bed rest, couldn’t work. I used my savings to pay the bills and For him to go back and forth to visit his daughter. When I found out that he was still married. I was devastated. I feel that I was emotionally rape, my body and my mind were also violated. Not to mention that I also lost money. I have prove that he clearly lied to me about everything. I contacted his wife when I found out everything out, she then informed me that I’m not the only one he was in a relationship with, he was/ is in relationship with at least 3 other women. I must say after reading your blog I want to do something to prevent other women from this. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It make me feel like I’m not alone, as I thought I was. Thank you very much!

    1. So sorry about your troubles. It’s an eerily familiar story, but each individual who is harmed in this heartless fashion suffers considerable, unimaginable loss.

      Could you please let me know what state you’re in and how long ago this happened to you? We need people to contact their legislators everywhere across the US.

      Wishing you peace, enlightenment, and a speedy recovery!


    1. This is such an important issue, I thought I’d give it a post of it’s own. The short answer is that the jury is still out regarding the statute that will be submitted in NJ. But I tried to answer your question more globally in my post. Please refer to “When Gays Marry Straight People.”.

      Thanks for your provocative question.


  3. You’re quite right about victims keeping silent. One of the problems is that because there is little recognition for the behavior, the family members, friends and other supporters that would normally step up to help, often don’t recognize the defilement the victim feels. Instead of receiving validation, the victim often receives “blaming” and “attempts to diminish” the magnitude of the harm they were dealt.

    The end result is that victims suffer the added blow of being ostracized along with having been violated. They withdraw in silence and feel isolated in their pain.

    Regarding your comment about rape by fraud being as devastating as rape by physical force, I’d like to point out a couple of things:

    1. Any act of sexual intercourse requires an element of “force” in order to penetrate the victim’s body. Many states have recognized that level of force as sufficient to warrant a charge of sexual assault, when the victim did not “knowingly consent” to the act.

    For centuries, the concept of force, under the law, was that the victim had to be physically overwhelmed and must have resisted to their utmost. In today’s enlightened society, we see that there are many ways a person can be raped without being violently overwhelmed. For this reason, I prefer to make the distinction between “violent” and non-violent sex crimes. The use of violence or weapons, aggravated sexual assaults, brings the case to a level in penal codes of “rape.” In general terms, however, “rape” is often used interchangeable with sexual assault.

    2. A victim who suffered the unspeakable horror of violent rape certainly endured a devastating experience. I’m sure there are others besides myself who suffered sexual assaults in both violent and non-violent ways, and can attest to the level of trauma involved. No one, including me, would wish either a violent or non-violent sexual assault on anyone. Our laws should address non-violent sexual assaults as crimes. They rarely do.

    The violation of a person’s sexual sanctity is great whether it occurred through a violent struggle or through doping, intoxicating, duping, coercing, violating a minor or someone who lacks mental capacity. All of these forms of vitiating “consent” should be treated as sexual assaults by penal law.

    I hope this site helps the public begin to recognize how defrauding someone is as much a means of sexual assault as any other form of non-violent sex crime.

    Thanks for you comment!


  4. Thank you for this post. Many women have been the victim of devastating rape by fraud. And many are keeping silent about it. We must stop turning a blind eye to those who lie and deceive to get sex. I look forward to new legislature which criminalizes rape by fraud, as this form of rape is just as devastating as physical force rape.

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