That’s right….. Carnal Abuse by Deceit, the story that was written to make romance safer for all, will be given away, absolutely free, to three, active Stop Rape by Fraud supporters!
The steps are as easy as 1-2-3!
Join-in as a blog follower and make the most blog comments over the next four days! (Also open to existing blog followers.)
Tonight, at 7 PM EST, NBC Dateline premieres their episode of The Mystery Man. The story chronicles a recent case of sexual assault by fraud committed in NJ. Problem is, there’s no NJ statute that makes conning a victim for sex a crime in The Garden State.
Tune in to learn more about “false personation” and how it’s used to defile and harm unsuspecting victims.
And, be sure to sign-on to the change.org petition to pass Legislation #3908, Sexual Assault by Fraud, submitted by Assemblyman Troy Singleton on November 14th. Your voice can make a huge difference!
I’ll be live-tweeting throughout the episode. My Twitter handle is @jm_short. I’ll be using the hashtags, #RapeByFraud and #Dateline.
While working as an undercover officer infiltrating the Animal Liberation Front, Robert Lambert, conducted a sexual and emotional relationship that fathered a child.
Currently, he lectures as a highly lauded criminologist at London Metropolitan University. According to BBC News, the Metropolitan Police paid 425,000 Pounds Sterling to the mother of his child for damages.
Helen Steel thought she’d met her “soulmate” when she began her two year emotional and sexual relationship with John Barker. He’d used “false personation” to vitiate her consent. After his sudden disappearance she discovered he was really John Vines, an undercover detective who was infiltrating Green Peace, an organization she belonged to.
These two cases clearly support the need to create rape by fraud law in the UK. Not only does this horrific, life altering crime take place in common society, but the police, whose job is to serve and protect citizens, commits sanctioned rape by fraud in conducting its “affairs.”
“Thank you so much for being a champion of my cause! I am so grateful to have you in my corner and to help support me through this heinous process!”
Above is the post Mischele Lewis placed on my blog after I’d accompanied her to a hearing and posted on recent events in her case. She’d been turned down for a restraining order against William Allen Jordan, a convicted pedophile and bigamist, who had seduced her in an emotional hoax. The Judge, John Tomasello, failed to enlighten her that a restraining order was already in effect, per Nicole’s Law, a statute providing restraining orders in all sexual assault cases. Nicole’s mother saw my post and contacted me. That’s how we found out.
The tail end of Jordan being escorted from the courtroom the day of the Tomasello hearing. I ran fast to catch the shot but his escort moved faster.
Lewis claimed that, along with defrauding her of sex, Jordan robbed her of more than $4,000, and impersonated an operative in the British Defense Ministry. Ultimately, Jordan pleaded guilty and allocuted to the robbery and impersonating an officer. He is scheduled to begin his three year sentence in February.
The most troubling aspects of Lewis’s case against Jordan are:
The authorities in the UK did not report deporting him to the US and place his name on Meagen’s List, which identifies sex offenders. Lewis has a teen aged daughter. Jordan has a history of child molestation.
The State of NJ failed to use their existing statutes covering aggravated sexual assault to convict Jordan. Instead they charged him with “Sexual Assault by Coercion,” which could not possible stick. Jordan had not coerced Lewis. In fact, he’d seduced her. Correctly, the Grand Jury failed to indict.
Aiding a victim
When I first met Lewis back in March of 2014, about four months after Carnal Abuse by Deceit was originally published, she was unaware of Rape by Fraud. Donna Anderson, who blogs at LoveFraud, a healing community for victims of relationships with sociopaths, had introduced us. She’d read my book, wanted to know if Lewis’s case met the criteria. and if NJ would punish the offense.
I spoke with Lewis at great length, enlightened her about the crime, researched the NJ statutes, and put an analysis together to give to the police, along with 2 copies of my book. I figured they knew far more about the laws of NJ than I, but wanted to convey that someone who knew something about it was watching and standing behind the victim.
I explained to Lewis that if NJ failed to convict on Aggravated Sexual Assault, we could gain the traction needed to introduce a sexual assault by fraud law in the state. (Jersey uses the term “sexual assault” for such cases, not “rape.”) Anderson, Lewis and I went to the police station together to file her statement.
A light appears at the end of the tunnel!
Fortunately, when the jury failed to indict based on the Prosecutor’s charge, Assemblyman Troy Singleton read the story in the news and contacted Lewis. He introduced Legislation #3908 in the NJ Assembly, Sexual Assault by Fraud, on November 13, 2014.
Assemblyman Singleton is absolutely my hero! After suffering my own personal, decades long journey through rape by fraud, spending 4 years writing my book, blogging, and advocating, I was overwhelmed with joy!
#3908, You can help!
The bill has a long way to go! It was patterned after the statute on sexual assault by fraud in Tennessee which is the broadest of such laws in the country. Media has created hysteria by characterizing the law with absurd scenarios that the statute is not designed to prosecute.
A petition seeking the passage of NJ Assembly Legislation #3908 is posted on change.org. Your voice can make a major impact on passing this bill!
Today, New Jersey…… Tomorrow, your state or jurisdiction! And give all your friends and family the link so they can sign the petition as well! http://www.chn.ge/1t7FZJu Don’t hesitate! Click now to sign!
Watch the Dateline episode on Sunday
Dateline taped Mischele’s story. I was asked to give the “legal framework,” but my section ended up on the cutting room floor. Unfortunately, introduction of the law came too late for the taping, and very little of the finished work mentions the crime of rape by fraud. Still, it will be an interesting depiction of how con artists work to embroil people, looking for love, in sexual and emotional hoaxes. I hope everyone will watch and send a note of appreciation to Assemblyman Troy Singleton, AsmSingleton@njleg.org, to thank him for his efforts and support passage of Legislation #3908, Sexual Assault by Fraud. Due to his actions, the next sexual con artist in NJ may actually get jail-time for their crime!
Rape by fraud can happen to anyone. Mischele Lewis, like everyone else, desired to have love in her life. We’re all wired by nature to do so. No one has the right to exploit our instinct to couple with either physical or emotional rape. By defrauding her of her highest emotion, and sexually penetrating her based on “false personation,” Jordan did both. He is not the only sexual predator out there. There are millions. Society needs to know and put an end to their depravity.
Watch an in-depth explanation of rape by fraud
I was recently interviewed about rape by fraud by The Woman’s Connection. Here’s the link. I hope it will enable viewers to develop a fuller understanding of the crime and its devastation.
Please join me, live on Twitter during the Dateline airing: @jm_short, hashtag #RapeByFraud and hashtag #SexualAssaultByFraud
Objections to penal code on sexual assault by fraud range from uninformed to downright bizarre:
People should just be more careful,
Boys will be boys,
It’s harmless,
It happens so frequently- half of society would end up in jail,
……… and on and on!
Here are some frequently raised objections, and why they simply don’t fly:
“Victims should be more careful.”
People with this objection fail to realize that sexual predators will specifically set out to lie and thwart detection. They go to great lengths to proffer and perpetuate sexual hoaxes. They deliberately harm one unsuspecting victim after another.
Rape by fraud happens to naive people, but it also happens to very astute victims who are not easily fooled. To some offenders, undermining the emotional armor that protects the most intelligent and savvy target is especially rewarding.
A victim’s “carefulness” can be undermined by an unscrupulous offender, and naivete is not a crime. Rape is.
“They didn’t know, so no crime was committed.”
All fraud takes place as the result of the victim being overcome by the offender’s vitiation of consent. But when the victim learns they were “had,” their feelings of defilement can be overwhelming. The same would be true of date rape in which the victim was drugged and not conscious when the rape actually took place.
Singer Cee Lo Green pleading “no contest” to date rape in which he gave ecstasy to his victim and she had no recollection of the events. In his opinion, “People who have really been raped REMEMBER!!!”
No rape is less of a rape because the victim did not know that it was happening to them at the time.
“Rape by fraud is really not rape.”
The generic word, “rape” is globally accepted as “non-consented sexual penetration.” While different states call it by different names, sexual assault, sexual battery, sexual misconduct, etc, “rape” refers to sexually penetrating a victim who would not knowingly consent but for the vitiation of their consent by the offender. Because society balks at the use of the term “rape” when no violence occurs, however, it’s best to use a less glaring term for non-violent acts of rape.
A recent University of North Dakota survey indicates that approximately 1 out of 3 college men would rape if they thought there would be no consequences. This figure was arrived at when the act was described but not referred to as “rape.” When the word “rape” was introduced, however, the ratio dropped to 13%.
Rape is the crime of stealing sex from someone who would not otherwise give it to you.
“Saying “yes” means consent.”
Using fraud to secure a “yes” is sexual exploitation. In all human interaction, when someone defrauds you of your assets or dupes you into conduct of any sort, they are using the tool of “fraud” to take something from you. Your consent is considered totally ineffective under the law.
Bernie Madoff defrauded investors who not only said “yes,” they directed their bankers and brokers to deposit money into his investment schemes. Right click to hear Madoff’s 2007 explanation of why it’s hard to hide fraud, just a few short months before his house of cards collapsed. His sincerity underscores the underhandedness that defies detection in con artists.
Model Penal Code- “Consent is ineffective when induced by force, duress or deception.”
“Rape by fraud laws would punish people for wearing padded bras, lifts in their shoes, or dying their hair.”
Balderdash! A person’s appearance is either pleasing to their sexual partner or not. An appearance enhancement neither masks the nature of the act itself nor the identity or intent of the offender.
Appearance enhancements can and should be disqualified as “fraud” in rape by fraud law.
“This law is just another way to make society more of a woman’s world and undermine maleness.”
I view that comment as one of the most sexist things I’ve ever heard. In the tug of war between misogyny and misandry, some feel that rape by fraud laws favor women. Women can be just as guilty of conducting rape by fraud as men, although more rapes occur to women than men.
Rape by fraud law would protect men against gold-diggers and curtail the transmission of life-altering illness that occurrs when a sexual predator lies to hide their health condition from someone of either sex.
The law is gender neutral and provides equal protection to both men and women.
“It goes on all the time. How could laws possibly be enforced?”
First off, it shouldn’t go on all the time, and that’s exactly why this law is so important. Once it becomes law, people will recognize sexual assault by fraud as abhorrent behavior.
The proofs needed to try a case are far more substantial than simply “he said, she said.” The police can’t arrest someone without proof of a claim, the Grand Jury can’t indict, and the victim would have to have made a reasonable effort to know the truth.
Willingly jumping into bed with someone upon first meeting them would not qualify as rape by fraud. Unless the victim can substantiate that the crime, indeed, was committed against them, in keeping with all criminal arrests, no prosecution would take place.
NJ Judge John Tomasello refused to give Mischele Lewis a restraining order and failed to notify her that she already had one under Nicole’s Law. He also claimed that he’d have to lock up every college student if he agreed with her claim that William Allen Jordan, a convicted pedophile and bigamist, had defraud her of sex.
Any arrest would require substantial proof and the victim would have to have made a reasonable effort to know the truth
“People will fabricate they were raped after the fact because they simply want to damage the innocent person who’s dumped them.”
Fabrication can take place in any claim of wrong-doing. We don’t fail to enforce criminal law because people can misuse it. That’s what judges and juries are for; determining whether sufficient proof exists to pronounce the offender guilty. There are so many reasons why people don’t immediately come forward after a rape that it would take up an entire post. But when they do come forward, they need proof in order to press charges. A non-supported case of “he said, she said” would not be prosecuted, even though any act of swindling someone out of sex is a violation.
Significant proof is required when prosecuting any claim in every case. Sexual Assault by Fraud is no different.
“Violent rape is the only real rape.”
Our laws have long recognized that a violent assault against a victim’s sex organs is more heinous than other types of violent assault. If the offender used violence to break our arm, we would not call that rape. We recognize that there is something uniquely different about sexually violating a person. And there is nothing that can compare to the heinousness of violent rape.
But violence is one means to rape a victim. Our laws have also acknowledged that penetration of a person’s sex organs without their consent is “rape,” Date rape and statutory rape are good examples.They are forms of rape in which violence need not be present. The It’sOnUs Pledge states specifically, “Non-consensual sex is sexual assault.”
When the offender uses fraud to vitiate “knowing consent,” by any means, they are aware they are doing so, even though the victim is not. In all acts of rape, it is the actions of the actor that is the crime.
The tools by which an offender will sexually violate a victim include: violence, dope, intoxication, coercion, sex with someone under the age of consent or too mentally incapacitated to consent, and fraud, (dupllicity/deceit.)
Every means of vitiating a victim’s right to self determination to penetrate their sex organs is rape.
Why will people will continue to object?
With all of the reasons behind adoption of sexual assault by fraud law, some people will continue to oppose it. Any change in society’s “norms” takes getting used to. Often, those changes are initially met with disbelief and even ridicule. We’re seeing that in the outlandish comments people make. But there are other reasons many will continue to object. Here are a few……
1. They didn’t read or understand the law.
2. The media continues to stir up hysteria by incorrectly stating fictitious cases such as “the speed of my Lamborghini, blah, blah,” or “I’m Brad Pitt’s best friend.”
2. There are people who fail to appreciate and acknowledge that every human being’s body is sacrosanct. It’s a good idea to stay away from people who fail to do so. They’d have very little respect for your sexual autonomy,
3. Media’s portrayal of sex, and its constant bombardment of sexual imagery, creates the concept that sex is a prize, reward or entitlement. Sex has been depersonalized. It’s become a commodity. But sex is not a “thing”, and sexual sanctity is every person’s inherent right.
4. Adopting new legislation is up to legislators who count on making popular decisions to remain in office. And some legislators, judges, police officers and others, who pass or uphold the laws, can be just as guilty of rape by fraud as anyone else. An inability to grasp the criminality of rape by fraud tells us a great deal about that person.
6. The mindset that enables an offender to commit rape by fraud is a selfish, narcissistic perspective; one that puts individual desire above respect for another human being’s self determination. Doing so indicates their ability to devalue a victim for their own personal greed. People who object are supporting society’s continued acceptance of sexually deviant behavior. What does that say about that individual?
Let’s have a frank and open discussion
Anyone wishing to state an objection to sexual assault by fraud law can leave a comment here, and I’ll be happy to respond. Folks who’d like to lend their support are welcome to join in. Please address the issue in a respectful fashion. Hurling insults, foul language, personal attacks or other negative responses will result in removal of the comment.
Socrates, known as one of the greatest philosophers in Greek history, was executed for his beliefs in justice and the pursuit of goodness. He opposed prevailing concepts such as “might makes right.” His teachings and politics were so foreign to the mores of the time, he was executed for corrupting the minds of Athens’ youth.
From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate- Socrates
Back then, Greek laws considered “rape” a crime only when the victim was a female citizen in good standing. Sexual brutality toward a slave or a man was irrelevant. And the victim had to be a virgin. Rape was punished consistent with patricide, the murder of one’s father. The injustice was thought to occur to the head of the household, who owned her virginity, not the person who’d been defiled.
Our laws struggled forward from this egregious starting point. Centuries later, here in the US, each state created its own band-aide solutions as society’s morality shifted, with no consistent, state-to-state definition on what actually constitutes a sexual assault.
Ownership of sexual intercourse shifted from father to husband in the colonial US. Wives who were promiscuous were punished for adultery or fornication. But modern society no longer considers sex to be the property of a husband. Rather, our rape penal codes consider the sexual sanctity of each individual to be theirs and theirs alone.
Clearly, today’s ItsOnUs Pledge endorsed by President Obama, states the concept society recognizes as “rape”:
“Non-consensual sex is sexual assault!”
Socrates identified the harm in rape by fraud. He decried violent rape as a villainous act. He pointed to what he called “sex by persuasion,” as especially compelling because it:
“undermines the character of the victim.”
In our current era, hardly a soul would consider committing violent rape as anything but a heinous act. But yet much of society fails to acknowledge the insidious harm committed by defrauding a victim of sex. Socrates had it right; sexual assault by fraud, (his persuasion,) undermines the character of the victim!
Just as in any other form of sexual assault, rape by fraud strips away integrity and personal autonomy from the victim. And it does so by misusing the victim’s own self determination to harm them. It leaves them feeling culpable in their own defilement. The sense of disgust at oneself for falling prey to sexual intrusion creates oppressive feelings of vulnerability, serious depression…. and even suicide. Victims struggle with the thought that they can and will never feel safe again.
But are victims of rape by fraud culpable?
Not more so than any other victim who is defrauded of any other asset. In all cases of fraud the perpetrator:
Lies,
Knows they are lying,
Intends for the victim to rely on the lie.
The victim relies on the lie.
The offender makes off with the victim’s valuables.
Fraud is a tool that offenders use to acquire what the victim would not otherwise give them. It is an unscrupulous act to deprive a person by manipulating their self-determination. The only difference between sexually assaulting a person by fraud, or stealing other assets, is the bounty the offender criminally usurps. And when that bounty is access to their most intimate, sexual core, the crime is rape.
Justice restores righteousness and integrity to victims
Faithfulness and truth are the most sacred excellences and endowments of the human mind- Cicero
Marcus Tullius Cicero, ancient Greece’s most prominent orator, stated;
“Nothing that lacks justice can be morally right.”
Like Socrates, he was executed for his beliefs. For centuries, society has downplayed sexual sanctity by jerry-rigging peculiar constructs into laws that fail to give bodily integrity its due.
Considering the price the victim pays for this gross oversight, justice is a moral imperative!
Without laws to prevent this reckless and intentional act of sexual depravity, offenses will continue unabated, and countless victims will suffer. Rape by fraud legislation will prevent this moral black hole from quietly sucking society into its vortex. It will do so by recognizing every person’s right to protection from unscrupulous sexual acts against their body.
A million gadflies are needed!
Socrates was known as a “gadfly,” the fly that stings the horse into action for his attempts to set Athens on a path toward justice. I sincerely hope you’ll join me in becoming a gadfly to promote passage of sexual assault by fraud laws throughout the US, enabling justice to reach victims who suffer from this debilitating, insidious crime.
Write your local legislator and insist on their introducing Sexual Assault by Fraud law in your state.
Contact any of the Legislators in NJ and tell them how important the passage of Assembly Legislation, #3908, is to you! You don’t need to be a New Jersey resident to express your opinion.
I receive complaints each and every day about internet dating scams. These stories break my heart. They’re tales of love-bombing and betrayal. Some involve sex addicts. Others hide marriages or money fraud. And my first inclination is to recommend people stay away from dating sites.
MSNBC conducted a survey that calculated 30% of e-dating participants were married. The number was higher for men than women. But the Oasis Singles Blog indicates that 30% of the dating pool, in general, is covering up existing marriages. So if the ratios match, e-dating at least, provides access.
The trick is to use e-dating wisely and be on the watch for hazard signs.
Free sites are apt to contain more scammers than paid resources for obvious reasons. The greater the disclosure and security provided by the site, the more likely they are to eliminate con artists.
If you constantly reach voice mail, rather than securing direct contact, or if their written responses are delayed, your match may be waiting for their wife or business colleagues to get out of the way.
Are they speaking in a hushed tone or only texting late at night? Their spouse could be right alongside them when they do.
Are they making miraculous recoveries from illness? Telling you they’re sick one day, and then appearing perfectly fine the next, could signal they lied to hide their whereabouts.
No photo on the site? When people want to send you their photo privately, rather than place it online, it could signal that they don’t want to be found out by a spouse. Let them know they need to post their picture, not send it to you directly.
Weight, height and age are the most frequently incorrect statements on dating profiles. If it’s important to you, don’t take their word for granted.
If they never take you home or identify where they live, it’s a tip-off that they’re hiding a spouse.
Someone who is really into you would love to show you off to their family. Failure to do so could easily indicate a problem. Con artists will denigrate their family relationships. They’ll even feign that they’re dead. If you don’t meet the family, be very cautious!
Avoid e-dating services that market people as wealthy or millionaires. No one who is wealthy wants to be punked by a Gold Digger. Their interest is not served by attracting you to their affluence, so why would they?
Always Photo ID a person you meet through on-line dating!
I know it sounds intrusive, and it is! But you are taking risks in diving into the dating pool, and so are they. Rather than springing your request to ID them on your first date, let them know ahead of time that you expect to exchange IDs when you meet. Their resistance is a good indication that they’re not on the level.
Often people who were victimized by an emotional predator wonder how or why they’ll ever love again. “It’s just too dangerous,” and “I won’t survive another emotion bashing episode,” are common statements. Victims often isolate themselves from romantic interaction. For them, “being alone is better than being harmed.”
If this is your mindset, you’ve come to the right place. But prepare to hear some things about yourself, as well as some changes you need to make.
YOU did nothing wrong. You were targeted by a predator because you have the capacity to forgive and love. The problem is that the person you choose was an exploiter, not a lover. And they selected you because they grasped that they could manipulate you through your devotion to them.
Some people are incapable of bonding and loving. You need to avoid them. In order to do so, you will have to ditch your attraction to the superficial appeal we know as “charm,” and look more deeply into a person’s character. And you need to note whether their character repeats in all the corners of their life.
Just as people without emotional empathy will never develop it, people with emotional empathy will never lose it. It’s part of their wiring. Sometimes we confuse being “sensitive” with having “emotional empathy,” which is the key to conscience and morality. But they are not the same.
Anyone can be sensitive about their own condition. They can express heartfelt need for what they want. They can dupe you into feeling sorry for them over their past. But that’s still not “emotional empathy.” A person with “emotional empathy” will automatically have a knee-jerk reaction to the pain someone else experiences. They will put themselves in the other person’s shoes and be guided by their conscience.
Instant attraction only means that the object of your affection stirs your brain chemistry. It does not mean that they are a caring, wonderful human being. Being swept off your feet can readily lead to emotional trauma rather than the lasting, durable relationship you want. So here are a few “don’ts” about finding someone to love:
Don’t take anything you read on internet dating sites as gospel.
Everyone there is expressing the image they’d like to portray. But without verification, there could be countless lies behind their profile. Check IDs and Google anyone you meet online, no matter how badly they protest.
Don’t have sex with anyone until you’ve been introduced to their family and friends.
What’s the rush…. really? A meaningful relationship takes time and commitment. Afraid you’ll lose them if you don’t have sex with them? Guess what. That’s a person worth losing!
If you don’t live in the same town with their family, you can establish a connection through Skype or other resources. How does your love interest communicate with family? However it is, it should include you if they’re committed to making you a permanent part of their life. If they don’t communicate regularly with their family, it’s a very large, vigorously waving, red-flag.
Don’t believe that a man over 45 or a woman over 35 has NO children.
Unless they have a physical condition that prevents procreation, the statistical likelihood that they have no children is a rarity. If they have yet to introduce you to their children, they could be hiding a seriously checkered past.
Don’t look for “love” on dating sites that depict people as “wealthy” or “millionaires.”
Most people with assets want protection from “Gold-Diggers” and will not flaunt this aspect of their identity. Why would anyone try to attract a person who prioritizes their interest in finding “wealth?” Emotional predators lurk on these sites because the participants are tipping them off about what floats their boats. It gives them ammunition to produce an elaborate scam to snag you.
Don’t believe what people tell you about their “ex.”
You’re receiving that information through a very biased prism, one that is sure to make them look like the victim, not the offender. Even if they admit to infidelity, what does that tell you? It should alert you that they can justify betrayal, and YOU will be the recipient this time around.
So what’s a safer way to find true love?
First off, you need to feel that you’re okay without a relationship. You can stand on your own two feet and live a fulfilling, meaningful life. You can find joy in the activities and relationships you treasure. Allowing a person inside your inner circle is an intimacy you bestow on them.
Mankind was built to “couple.” We feel our best when we can express love and support for another human being. So inevitably, our interest in finding a significant other will resurface. Some “do’s” about engaging in romance once again are ..…
“Do” things that make your life worthwhile.
Enjoying your interests will bring you into the path of others who appreciate the same things. Whether it’s religion, art, cooking, the environment, sports, dancing, boating, etc., participate in groups that put you in the company of people who share your preferences.
Do look carefully at how they interact with others, not just you.
Do they “objectify” the people around them, the waiter, the valet, the clerk at the store? Or do they treat everyone with respect and appreciation?
Do they have a history of good-intentions?
It’s easy for wealthy people to give money to causes. It provides them with tax benefits. But do they give their time and pass along help and support when it’s needed? Have they been preoccupied with making money all their lives, or have they stopped along the way to make the world a better place?
Do evaluate what is truly important to you.
Sometimes, in looking at what attracted you to a predator, you’ll see you may have placed importance on superficial value. If you continue to put your interests in the wrong place, you’ll find the wrong person once again. You’ll need to readjust your priorities.
Albert Einstein coined two very relevant phrases that apply to finding new love after a predatory relationship:
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new
So, forgive yourself for the choice you made. Recognize that you need to be far more circumspect in your future decisions… not because you were ‘wrong” but because character disordered people share our planet. Your mother never told you because she didn’t know. Mine put up with my abusive father for many decades. So, like me, you learned the hard way. Go forward, not backward with that knowledge.
While I’m quoting Einstein, there’s one more of his phrases that guides me in my efforts to enlighten people about rape by fraud and recover from it:
The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.
First- we need to examine what a psychopath actually is…
by Sweet-Babboo
According to Dr. Robert Hare in his highly acclaimed book, Without Conscience, not all psychopaths are the blood-thirsty ghouls we expect them to be. They don’t conduct themselves in ways that are obvious, like breathing fire out of their arm-pits. While they are evil at their core, for the most part, there are no blatant, tell-tale, physical signs.
I’ve heard people say they can tell a psychopath by their stare. But in the exposure I’ve had to individuals I believe are psychopathic, there was no fixed gaze to give them away.
Simply put, a psychopath is a person with the character disorder in which they lack emotional empathy, and therefore, they don’t develop a conscience. As a result, they can commit harmful acts against others with no degree of caring, concern, or remorse.
The Hare Psychopathy Checklist measures their level of harmfullness. But just because they don’t score at the top of the range, does not mean they’re not a psychopath.
Upbringing, not conscience, can deter them from ghoulish behavior. A character disordered child who is abused is more likely to become a heinous deviant than one who is raised in a more supportive environment. A child from an otherwise normal upbringing, is more likely to become a white-collar criminal who lies and cheats, rather than one who conducts unspeakable violence.
Psychopaths often go undetected because their early family life provided them sufficient knowledge about societal expectations to enable them to fit-in. But they are not guided by morality, virtue, or concern for their fellow man. Instead, they are only reigned-in by their fear of discovery or consequences.
How did they get that way?
Since prison settings provide access to a seemingly large volume of psychopaths, their populations are often the subjects for research. But this approach gives us a skewed sense of the frequency of encountering psychopaths in our daily lives.
The rough estimate of the ratio of psychopaths is approximately 4% of the population. But they conduct themselves in a serial fashion and; therefore, harm far more than 4% of mankind.
Modern mental health professionals suspect a genetic link to a pre-disposition to psychopathy. Its existence does not equate to every child of a psychopath becoming a psychopath. Rather, the child of a psychopath is “at-risk” for becoming a psychopath.
What passes along in DNA?
Our brain chemistry makes mankind trusting and caring. The principal neurotransmitter that serves as a foundation for conscience is thought to be, (according to Dr. Paul Zak in The Moral Molecule,) oxytocin. Our genes control our levels of oxytocin and our reaction to it can be shaped through early childhood development.
With normally functioning oxytocin receptors, we experience early bonding and develop emotional empathy, the knee-jerk reaction to the welfare of others. Without oxytocin, or with early developed negativity toward oxytocin, our ability to bond and feel concern for another person’s welfare becomes compromised.
How can we tell whether our child has empathy or not?
If your six year old or older child:
is indifferent to the pain or problems another person exhibits, including their siblings, or you,
throws tantrums when they don’t get their way
puts the safety of others or animals at risk,
is a bully,
is continuously bullied,
exhibits oppositional/defiant behavior
is excessively impulsive,
experiences phobias,
has a love affair with weapons
commits bodily harm against themselves or others
…..they may be showing early signs of character disorder.
Mental health professionals don’t label children “psychopathic.” Instead, they use the terms, “conduct disorder,” “behavior disorder,” or “emotionally disturbed.” Any of these diagnoses could signal development into character disorder as an adult.
What can I do to correct the problem?
Look seriously at the signs you see from your toddler. Don’t overlook them! They are unlikely to go away on their own! At this stage, you could make a difference.
Are they responsive to cuddling, caring and warmth? Are your attempts at boundary setting conveying love or making them fearful?
According to Dr. Liane Leedom in her ground-breaking book, Just Like His Father, children who are at-risk of becoming psychopaths need an extremely nurturing environment with significant levels of parental warmth. Devote time laughing and being joyous with your at-risk child. Keep as much acrimony from affecting them as possible, and try to reduce the level of stress in your home environment. Abandonment of an at-risk child, by either parent, can have a devastating affect on their development.
If your child reaches the age of six, and their morality is stuck at self-centered, get professional help for them. Involve them in activities that promote sharing and caring like volunteering, helping others, and by providing religious supports. If you are single, spend time with couples who embody cooperation, respect and a loving relationship.
When will I know the results?
Most parents find the teen years trying. But even teenagers will express respect for their parents. Character disordered kids will believe that rules are made to be broken. Teenaged impulsivity can take the form of drugs or alcohol abuse, fighting, truancy, promiscuity and juvenile delinquency. Usually, by their mid twenties, with independence, permanent character becomes obvious.
Your child’s development into psychopathy is impacted by genetics and experiences that can be totally out of your control. But knowing that a child is at-risk, understanding the genetic link to the disorder, can help you create the most supportive environment to deter them from violence. Nothing will impart a conscience to a psychopath.
If you are the unfortunate parent of a character disordered son or daughter, hopefully, you can find peace in knowing you did the best you could with the resources and knowledge you had at the time.
