People who have empathy are capable of unconditional love. That’s the love of forgiveness. Unconditional love affects you at your very core and compels you regardless of how the person looks or behaves.
Rarely do we hear discussions where people who have character disordered kids can vent about their anguish. We look around on Mother’s Day and see all the joyous, wonderful expressions of appreciation we never received despite how hard we knocked ourselves out for our children. And we wonder what we have to celebrate.
I gave it some thought and decided to share….
If they’re grown and have moved away…. you can thank your lucky stars you’re no longer having to deal with their day-to-day abuse. They can stand on their feet despite what they say was the terrible job you did raising them.
They fought every effort you made to guide their development down a moral path. It was hard. But it’s done. You’re no longer responsible to build their character. And, no matter how much you love them, you don’t have to like them. You’re free of that burden.
You can be glad you know what being a mother was really like. If you didn’t know you’d be knocking yourself out over what you thought you’d missed. Instead, you know that lament would have just been wasted torment and totally unjustified.
Hoping all mothers of grown up abusive children get a sense of peace today knowing you did the best you could and being glad that now, they’re somebody else’s problem.
And I hope those who are still in the throws of raising them can find solace in knowing that time will pass and they’ll be out of the house one day.
Don’t tolerate their abuse
There is nothing to gain by doing so. They will not appreciate your caring and your tolerance won’t change them. In a character disordered mind, tolerance will make them feel entitled to abuse you more. Only proper therapy can make a difference and there have been great strides in understanding how character disorder develops in children. Get help, Find a specialist who, like Dr. Essi Vettig, Professor of Developmental Psychopathology at University College of London knows; “Character disorder does not pop into their psyche as a birthday present when they turn 18.” Get strong. Make it your Mother’s Day gift to yourself.
Here are some signs you need to find a therapist for them:
Tantrums and rage
Playing with fire
Gross and constant disrespect
When a child rages with no empathy or remorse and only thinks about their own needs and wants, beyond the age of six, it’s a sign that they are not developing a conscience. Get professional help before it becomes too late. Borderline Personality Disorder is a treatable condition and the earlier it is caught, the more successfully it can be dealt with. But at any age, treatment can help. While you may not be able to prevent character disorder in your child because genetic factors can influence their development, you can help their behavior become less anti-social than if left untreated.