People who have empathy are capable of unconditional love. That’s the love of forgiveness. Unconditional love affects you at your very core and compels you regardless of how the person looks or behaves.
They can have a bad day, be seriously ill, put on some pounds or lose their hair. It won’t matter. Your sense of attachment to them exists far beyond anything superficial.
Narcissists are incapable of loving this way.
Narcissists love on a shallow plane. There is no depth to their attachment. They can, and do, pour on the affection at the beginning of the relationship. And to the recipient of their advances, their caring seems to be boundless and run deep. But they are no more attached to you than they are to their furniture, their clothing. or their car. In fact, their car could be of far greater value to them than you will ever be. It’s an outward sign of their power.
They’re unable to bond to another human for the sake of love. There must be something of use to them to keep them in the relationship. When whatever attracted them loses its appeal, they’re gone.
Thank your lucky stars they are out of your life!
The shock of their departure will gouge your psyche with what seems like intolerable pain. After all, the love you felt for them was real and significant. But their absence will provide an opportunity to live in reality either with or without a significant other. You can rebuild your self-esteem and recreate normalcy that you can depend on for a lifetime. And perhaps someone without ulterior motives can step into the void they once filled.
Look for emotional empathy in the romantic partners you pick
People with empathy are often drawn to others who seem “sensitive.” If they have a vulnerability, they’ve been harmed by a prior relationship, lost a loved one, or overcame other sorrows or hardships, our hearts go out to them. But being “sensitive” about their own personal needs and being “empathetic” toward others are vastly different. In fact being “over-sensitive” could signal Borderline Personality Disorder. A person with empathy will have an emotional reaction to the pain of others and a conscience that keeps them from committing harm.
What are some signs of empathy?
What happens when you fall off your chair? Do they gasp and rush to help you, or do they think it’s hysterical? When you’re in the elevator and someone approaches who’ll slow you down, do they hit the open or the close button? Do they give up their seat to the elderly person on the train? How do they treat the waiter? When you’re not feeling well, do they get flowers, or get annoyed?
Be sure that your next love interest demonstrates both past and present empathy in their conduct if you want to steer clear of a character disordered mate.