Distinguishing Between Rape by Fraud vs Emotional Rape

There seems to be a very large misconception about what rape by fraud is, and what emotional rape is. And often they take place together. When this occurs, it’s hard for the victim to separate which is which.

Rape by Fraud image

Emotional Rape:

Tricking a person to steal their love

and involve them in a relationship.

Rape by Fraud:

Tricking a person to steal sex

How emotional rape works

Being pranked for a relationship is emotional rape. This term does not denote a “sexual act” Rather, it describes the sense of having your highest emotion, which is love, stolen from you.

In emotional rape, a person creates a hoax about their character, or what their intentions are, and perpetuates that hoax over time. The unknowing victim provides love and caring that is undeserved and will feel violated when they learn the truth. Cases of emotional rape can lead to engagement and marriage with a partner who is not what they pretend to be.

When the victim discovers the truth, they may not react as society expects. People with high levels of morality and the brain chemistry that induces attachments will continue to feel bound by the bond of love that was established. They’ll experience the toxic glue of a Trauma Bond, also known as a Betrayal Bond, that keeps them feeling the chemical ties created by the neurotransmitters in their brain, enabling our species to “couple.” Please use this link to determine if a Betrayal Bond is affecting you. And refer to Dr. Patrick Carnes’ book, Betrayal Bond, Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships for further information.

Separating from an emotional predator can take considerable time and toxic interaction in the relationship. Often victims will defend their mate even though society will see their behavior as misguided. People without a deep-rooted sense of bonding will have an easier time breaking off the relationship. They’ll react more immediately to the realization of their situation. Victims who were previously abused, or whose moral code of conduct creates a sense of unconditional love, will be more forgiving.

How rape by fraud works

Rape by fraud is an actual, physical act of rape. Sexual assault or sexual contact takes place when a person is engaged in an act of sexual penetration without their freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement…. consent. Defrauding a person of the physical act of sex vitiates their “consent” for sex, and is therefore punishable in some states. Tennessee and Alabama have the most direct laws in dealing with offenders who defraud victims for acts of sexual penetration.

Model penal code states that “consent is INEFFECTIVE if induced by force, duress or deception.” Therefore, a person who is sexually penetrated as a result of deception, is being physically raped.

This form of rape is similar in trauma to being drugged or intoxicated to vitiate consent. Violence did not occur to overwhelm the victim in any of these forms of sexual assault. Instead the victim was outwitted.

Other forms of criminal “outwitting.”

car theftIf an offender beat a man as he approached his car, took his keys and drove away, we’d readily recognize his actions as auto theft.

If the offender pretended to be the valet in front of a restaurant, took the man’s keys and drove off with his car, we would also recognize the act as auto theft; even though the man willingly handed over his keys and didn’t realize he was being robbed in the moment.

The first act was theft accomplished by violence. The second was theft accomplished by fraud. The offender would be charged differently for the violent act and sentenced more harshly, but both are criminal offenses.

Distinctions in charging the offender with a rape crime

All forms of rape should be punished in every state. If the person were violently overwhelmed, their act of rape would warrant a more “aggravated” level of charge. The sexual assaults that do not involve violence to overwhelm the victim are a lesser offense. But all acts of rape, or sexual assault, should be punished.

Is emotional rape a crime?

Emotional rape is morally reprehensible. It steals a lifetime from the victim. It embroils them in marriages that are not what the victim perceives. When it generates offspring, those relationships exist for a lifetime, and often in a fashion that shatters lives. But is it a criminally punishable offense? Unfortunately, it is not penalized  in any state in the US. It could; however, become a civil matter if there were sufficient awareness of this pattern of wrong doing.

You will get a much clearer grasp of the distinction between emotional rape and rape by fraud by reading Carnal Abuse by Deceit, which accurately conveys these issues in a real-world setting.

Every act of physically and sexually penetrating a person without their freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement, #FGKIA, is and should be punishable throughout the US!

5 thoughts on “Distinguishing Between Rape by Fraud vs Emotional Rape”

  1. Ive been suffering from marriage scam that happens back in new jersey bergenfield. It was 2 years planned by the offender and they made friends with my mom and me acting very nice when they found out I’m a US citizen. For 2 years of going back and forth, they got me because the 2nd girl they offered is single mom and I was raised as a single parent too.

    It’s a very long story which I really wanted to write a book about it, a detailed one. Soon I can share it with everyone. It was like really late and they started about to abandoned me when I found out that those people who are going back and forth in our house is known as “pimps” of marriage fraud in Filipino community in New Jersey.. I haven’t slept good for 2 and half years. I lost my job 23 months now. I’m here in the Philippines seeking justice. I have a lot of evidences but the government authorities here doesn’t help me. Instead they help the offender, which is making me crazy. It’s hard.

    I found out too that my wife is not really single and she’s with someone since then all the ip address aren’t the location she was telling me. I told the authorities but they said it’s not illegal at all :). Crazy right? Everyone, all, her employer, government agencies here, all are treating me like crap. They hide my wife’s information. Like I’m the one is wrong.

    My wife abandoned me Aug, 2013. We got married March, 2013. Until now she just posting pics on fb. All her friends, relatives, everyone is ignoring me as her husband. I showed my marriage contract to the government agency here. They told me they only give information to legitimate husband which the marriage contract I showed them is from official NSO national statistic office, Philippines, which is the only local authority here that provides marriage contract. Ugh! It’s frustrating.. my wife is been abusing me right after I went back to US and using VAWA to scare me. Officials are on her side and saying “you’re lucky she didn’t send you to jail” just because I started saying bad things to her after 2 years and 3 months of ignoring me approximately maybe 5000+emails to 10000+ ignored. And I had a trauma of going back to US.

    I needed justice from them. I cant stop thinking my wife how she promised me and stuff and abandoned me knowing I always looking for her. Princess cruises which she work last year are hiding her too, even tho knowing she tampered her working visa saying she is single.

    1. Ralph-

      Thanks for sharing your story. Sounds like you’ve had a very difficult time and should file for an annulment.

      I wish you the best!

  2. Indeed!
    I have had to defend myself from people who don’t believe what happened to me was rape, that I came up with a similar analogy to the valet drIver one.
    “But he didn’t physically assault you” they say. So what!! I felt raped!! I was going to have this man’s children, that is why I was in the relationship with him!!
    If someone breaks into your house, beats you up, ties you up and robs you, do you feel violated??
    What if they sneak in while you are asleep and rob you? Are you still violated?
    What about if they spent months becoming friends with you, and were a guest in your house for several months as well and then they robbed you? Would you feel more, or less violated?
    Well that’s what he did to me.

    1. You’re 100% correct!

      Fraud is as much a tool to cause harm as any other act that deprives you of what you value. Society does not recognize the harm in fraud because they see the victim as complicit in the trickery they were dealt. They are busy blaming the victim instead of putting the responsibility on the shoulders of the offender who used guild instead of violence to get what they wanted.

      If they used it to take your money, they’d go to jail. Use it to sexually violate you… they blame you.

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