Victim Blaming- A skewed and cynical view of the world!


Received this tweet today from  a listener from yesterday’s CBC Broadcast on Sexual Assault by Fraud……

@jm_short it’s up to us, all people, to find out who a person is before we have sex with them. people need to stop being cavalier about sex.


I’ll call her MindyLimoDriver

bucketMindy’s mentality shows misplaced responsibility. I simply answered “Ignorance is bliss, stay happy!” because the correct response would not fit in a tweet. And if it were an isolated incident, I’d let it go…… but it’s a very common misconception. She’s the drop that overflowed the bucket of my tolerance.

Obviously “all people” have a responsibility to behave as a “reasonable” person would do. In fact, those specific words come right out of the penal code of New Jersey. But some sexual predators are so ruthless that they can’t be spotted by any “reasonable” means. And the law on sexual assault by fraud or false pretense can only be applied in those cases.

Victim blamers fault the victims who are fooled.

There’s a very ugly term that’s been bent out of shape in feminist logic. It’s called “agency.” Basically, it means taking responsibility. But it’s been distorted to mean “its your fault when bad things happen to you.”

Yes, you have a responsibility to behave as a “reasonable person” would behave, but that does not mean that when a sexual predator deliberately distorts truth in a fashion that is difficult or impossible for you to detect, that there is something wrong with you or how you behaved. The assumption that everyone who is conned is “cavalier” about sex is absurd.


Trust is in our DNA.

Human beings were created to trust and build dependencies on one another. We were not the fiercest animal on the planet, and cave dwellers needed each other to thwart the ferocious beasts who shared their world.  We were given brains that “think” our way out of bad situations. And we received oxytocin, the love and trust molecule, so we could bond and work as a group toward our own safety and the protection of our offspring.

People who think your role in a relationship is not to trust do not understand the first concept of being human. Mother nature didn’t have technology in mind when she created mankind.

Sexual Predators Lie!

Society must become aware that sexual predators exist out there… and they are not easy to spot. They are chameleon-like and blend in with moral society. Many of them will weave an elaborate and undetectable hoax to snag their victim. And when that happens, the victim is no more “at fault” than Bernie Madoff’s victims were when they were defrauded of their assets.

Fraud is an insidious crime that damages a person’s psyche.

If you walked down the street and got mugged, there are, indeed, people who would say that you shouldn’t have been walking down that street. They are ignorant. And they are largely in the minority.

But when a person’s ability to reason properly has been overcome by a villain, the volume of victim blamers increases. They think that if you aren’t violently overwhelmed, you aren’t “forced.” They simply don’t comprehend that your mind can be tricked into accepting false information, and that sexual predators are very good at what they do. They are practiced at the art of screwing with people’s brains. They know what they’re doing. They do it deliberately. They do it frequently. They, not the victim, perpetrate the harm. They, not the victim, are the villains.

Our brain is an organ that contains nueropeptides, hormones and infrastructure that makes us trust. The brain’s chemistry influences how our mind works. Sexual predators stir up our brain chemistry by romantic gestures, either in person or through technology, to alter the perceptions of our mind.

Let’s put responsibility where it belongs! 

Victim blamers have a very skewed concept of where fault actually lies, and why fraud is such an insidious crime. Not only does the victim have to deal with their losses, they also have to overcome that their own mind was manipulated. They experience an overwhelming loss of trust in their own ability to protect them self. They become haunted by fear.

When you’re mugged on a street, you might avoid that street in the future. When you’re mugged by fraud, there’s no way to avoid the brain that fooled you. It let you down. Overcoming your loss of faith in your own brain is a daunting undertaking.

If you’re caught in a romance scam, don’t let the nay-sayers and victim blamers get you down! The offender, not you, is responsible for the harm they dealt you.


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