From now ’til June 15th, Truth in Romance Day, I’ll identify each crucial step to help romance scam victims reclaim their self-esteem and dignity. Today, we’ll start with the letter “D”.
The entire Dust-Off Plan For Recovery from sexual assault by fraud is revealed in Carnal Abuse by Deceit, How a Predator’s Lies Became Rape.
Happy healing and happy Truth in Romance Day to all! 
Here’s step one…….
Don’t Shame or Blame Yourself!
Predators excel at making victims feel responsible for their harmful behavior. Don’t! No one has the right to expect you to be perfect, not even you. No one has the right to harm you either emotionally or physically for your imperfections or for any other reason.
Be alert to gas-lighting which is a manipulative and common ploy of predators. They will deliberately upset you, then fault you for being upset. Their intent is to make you doubt yourself or to put your “upset” reaction under a microscope for others to observe, out of context. A predator can depress you to the extent that you begin to doubt your sanity, and cause others to do so as well.
Recognize that you were in the wrong place at the wrong time when you happened into their space. They’ve made you wiser to the concept that fundamentally cruel people actually exist. You will not be as naïve and easy to snare the next time you enter a predator’s lair.
Forgive yourself. You didn’t know they were lying when you fell in love with them. No one lies by accident. They deliberately set out to fool you. Do not let their immorality strip you of your self-worth.
Write a letter to yourself reminding you of all your lovable and virtuous characteristics.
- Store your letter where it’s easily accessible.
- Read that letter at least three times each day for one week.
- For the following month, before you dress each day and before you go to sleep each night, read it again.
- Hang onto the letter and go back to it whenever an encounter makes you doubt yourself.
The entire Dust-Off! plan for recovery is included in Carnal Abuse by Deceit. Click the title to purchase your copy.
Just loved your book Joyce. Very informative and well written. Cant wait to read the next release.
It’s been 3 years since I ran away from my catfish abusive sociopath husband and as closely as I follow your posts, all the counselling I’ve tried and educating myself..
. I still feel ashamed, dirty, destroyed and at times suicidal. The bastard is holding the final cards by not filing divorce. He’s a UK citizen. I lived there 25 years and because he kept finding me, tried to have me committed and arrested so on and so on, the only place I could get away was to come home to usa and now live in poverty. He reported my abandonment to social services I’d earned in UK and I lost everything. They don’t consider fear for your life good enough reason to continue to help a disabled person. My point is as empathetic and intelligent as I am u can’t heal. I’m positive he’s actually killed, two people 20 years apart died in his home of “natural causes” and I can’t get past any of it. What am I doing wrong….
It’s coming up to 9 years he’s been controlling my life in some way. Every time I dust off and forgive myself, something else brings me back down. Help.