How can anyone expect to know the truth when the lies are so ordinary?
A fifty five year old widower meets an attractive New Jersey woman on OKCupid. His wife of thirty years died of an illness and after five years of grieving, and occasional dates, he’s ready to get on with his life. She was his greatest love. They were unable to have children.
He’s a college grad with a steady job, nothing flamboyant or unusual. A family man, his aging mother lives with him in the home he owns.
He notices a single woman with long dark hair and a pretty smile on the e-dating site. She’s financially self-sufficient, also a home owner, with several entrepreneurial interests and teaches music lessons. She’s had relationships with men, and a marriage that ended in divorce.
So who’s defrauding who? Both stories are perfectly plausible, but only one is telling the truth….
The man is a life-long bachelor who strings multiple women along at a time. He’s never been married and lives in his mother’s home. And oh, that college degree, it never happened.
They dated, “monogamously” for several months. When he took a week off from his job without any explanation, our heroine caught onto his penchant for simultaneously juggling multiple “relationships.”
Should she have known?
We’re often told that victims “should know”… Something should seem “off,” or that their personal vulnerabilities made them targets.
Often therapists provide months and months of therapy to unravel the mystery of why someone “chose” to become a victim, as if they fooled themselves instead of getting punked by a despicable liar who targeted and caught them in a web of deceit.
And is it a crime?
The woman had no expectations other than finding a loving person with whom she could share time and experiences. And from wanting to be loved, she became defiled.
The more mundane the lies, the more sinister the erosion of trust for the victim, because they can’t point to anything that could have signaled reality. The violation they feel can have a long reaching affect on the rest of their lives.
While the offender skips along to some new unsuspecting victim, the current one is left with heartache, a pervasive sense of deep-rooted defilement, and life-long trust issues.
Where is justice for these victims?
Hopefully, it lies in New Jersey’s legislation #3908. If you have yet to sign the change.org petition to support this law, please do so today!
Mischele Lewis, who suffered sexual assault by fraud at the hands of William Allen Jordan, (the story that caught the interest of Assemblyman Troy Singleton, and began his journey to introduce legislation,) is far from New Jersey’s only victim of this insidious crime. This law is for all victims. If you’ve suffered SexFraud in NJ, or anywhere for that matter, please let me know. We need examples of this crime for legislative hearings in the Assembly and the Senate.
Facebook Response
Thought you might like to see how some folks respond to this defiling crime. This comment was posted on my Facebook page:
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| I don’t get the story. I was waiting for something more sinister and climactic, like emptying out her bank account or something along those lines. Dating a lying loser is unfortunate but you cannot lock up people for things like that. Life doesn’t come with a warning label. | ||||
I found it ironic that Mr. Masi could relate to the theft of the victim’ money, as if that were a major breach, but not the defilement of her sexual sanctity. I responded that some people think sex is nothing more than warm flesh and body fluids. They don’t grasp that a person’s sexual organs are a gateway to their soul. He’s far from alone in his beliefs.
I am confused by all of this,
Will we make heels illegal as its lying about how tall a person is?
What about make-up or push up bra’s?
Courts regularly throw out prenuptial agreements but you want the spoken word to be so legally binding people can be convicted of rape?
Should we convict gold digging women first?
Prosecutors will not charge cases in which there is only a “spoken word” utterance. There is simply no proof. Your argument has no merit.
While you may be attracted to someone who wears removable appearance enhancements, they are not worn strictly to embroil you in a sexual hoax. And just like any due diligence that a responsible, reasonable person would make, if you don’t want to have sex with someone until you know how they appear without them, simply don’t have sex with the person until you know how they appear without them.
Apply all that justification you just allowed women to men and your entire argument fails.
If gold diggers are upset about they guy lying about his worth then “due diligence that a responsible, reasonable person would make” should have been done prior to prostituting themselves/.
Only people who have significant evidence that they were embroiled in a sexual hoax could be prosecuted. The police would not arrest. The Prosecutor would decline the case. The grand jury would not indict.
If a woman embroils a man in a sexual hoax, and he has significant proof that she did so, she could be prosecuted.
What about this being gender neutral do you not understand? You are just arguing because you like to argue. You’re not listening.
Care 4-
Indeed, although I’m frequently attacked for being a feminist and having a feminist agenda, (as if “feminist” is a dirty word,) my heart goes out to men who are also embroiled in sexual hoaxes.
Most sexual hoaxes involve some elements of truth. That’s what makes them so believable.
It’s important for survivors to know that sexual assault does not define who you are, it’s what happened to you. And it happened because there are people in the world who simply don’t value the boundaries or needs of others. They can justify exploiting people to get what they want out of life. And most of them think that’s the appropriate way to live.
They are totally oblivious to the impact of defilement because they have no soul. And the fact that you suffered a loss is lost on them.
From my experience, I’ve found that the ratio of people who think this way is far beyond what modern health professionals would have us believe. And it’s taught me to look at emotional empathy in people as the critical key to whether they are, or are not, trustworthy.
The most difficult aspect of regaining trust, after being exploited by our loved one, is not simply our trust in others, but in our ability to feel capable of keeping ourselves safe.
The worst is when lies and truth are mixed together in the same sentence or paragraph. Who is to know what is truth, what is a lie? Victims of this do not “choose” to be victims. They are people like me who “expect” the truth from others. I cannot bold face lie to another person, be it a romantic or business relationship. I expect the truth from others. Now that I (a male) have been raped by fraud (she was in another relationship), how am I to trust and “move on”? We don’t “choose” to be victims, we are victimized because we are caring, trusting people, the way we expect others to be. I have been forced to understand “their” deceptive behaviour to protect myself from further harm. Ten years of deception leaves a deep scar…