Counterfeit Daters and Sexual Assault by Fraud


A gentleman named Mal asked me a question this morning that I believe is important for all my followers to see….

I am pretty sure that a large proportion of dating site profiles have at least one lie in them somewhere. Women often lie about their age for example. If you claim to be 38, when you are in fact 42 and then have sex, would that be considered rape?

And here’s my answer:

When you lie about your identity characteristics, you are altering a person’s impression of who you are. If you don’t straighten out this misconception BEFORE you engage in sex, you have duped them into the act. Why would someone be entitled to having sex with another person under false pretenses? You are defrauding them, not seducing them. You are not the person they think you are.

I often say that lying is not a crime, but defrauding someone is. So here’s a perfect example of when a lie becomes a crime.

You shape a person’s concept of “you” with what you say to them. And if you shape yourself to be someone through false personation, you are using identity characteristics that are not “yours” in order to sexually penetrate them.

Make it difficult to fool you!

ID cards

Because of the significant amount of lies that internet dating sites are known for, I suggest checking an internet date’s ID prior to advancing the relationship.

Obviously, if you meet them and experience no attraction, there’s no need. But if you feel inclined to see them again, exchanging ID would be a good idea. If they resist, it’s a pretty good sign that you should walk away.

When someone asks for an ID check, it’s the right time to confess the lies you wrote into your profile. And if everyone who participated in internet dating, made this a regular practice, you would see the lies diminish. What would be the sense if you would be found out before the relationship got anywhere, and your having lied would paint you as untrustworthy.

An ID check will not give you all the details you’ll want about this person. But, unless they hand you a forgery, which, unfortunately is possible, you’ll at least have their real name, age and address. People who are married are loath to give you their address, so the likelihood of their pretending to be single is reduced.

And…. retain the dating profile of anyone who you go out with!

Should “Counterfeit Daters” be punished?

If a person creates a counterfeit one dollar bill, are they committing a crime? If they use it, they certainly are. And if they pass off a large quantity of them, or tender a forgery of a larger denomination, the penalty for their crime increases.  The principle behind the crime, they use a counterfeit to get what they’re after, is the same regardless of the size of the bill. And lying to defraud someone of sex is a crime, regardless of the size of the lie. In fact, the simple lie…… the age, the marital status, that spills off the tongue, in many ways is even more insidious because of its complete reliability.

Please note, however, that no crime can ever be prosecuted without significant proof, so a “he said, she-said,” told to you at a club or a party, will not garner an arrest when you jump into the sack with the offender. 

Take an internet relationship slowly. Be sure to get to know the person well. Meet their family and their friends. Be wary of dates who claim to travel for business. It could easily cover up that their spouse is at home, looking after their children, while they travel from date to date.



8 thoughts on “Counterfeit Daters and Sexual Assault by Fraud”

  1. Also,the woman should never show her ID. That assumes we live in a world where there is a balance of power, and we dont. We cant be afraid of the accusations of “man-hating” when we are trying to mobilize for self defense.

  2. Asking for ID as soon as you meet someone is best. You dont always know right away with a single glance if you’ll wind up being attracted to them. Once the attraction is already there, it’s too late or too disappointing, sometimes, to walk away even when you know they’ve lied. Alsoi find that, absent warning signs of abuse, sleeping with a man asap can be the best way to find out “who” he is. They cant hide a limp dick, or poor hygiene, or leaving early in the morning, which are signs of lying. They also cant hide their unwillingness to use protection. Imagine getting emotionally attached first, then at that “special” moment, finding out they’re not willing to use protection? Too hard to break away, by that point.

    Also, once you see an accurate ID, it’s easy enough to find an address for a couple of dollars on the the internet — most married men have landlines, and a simple call will do it, or just going to and seeing what other names are listed as associated with his. None of this is to suggest that the onus should be on the woman to check out a man, rather than taking him at his word. If he lies, he is morally guilty, period.

    It’s no coincidence that the people who are writing in opposing this law are mostly men, and the women who like to protect the men, or put the responsibility for sex on the woman.

  3. Almost every man I met on line lied about his age. When I asked why, the answer was “Because you said you only wanted to meet men between the ages of ___ and ____, so you wouldn’t have wanted to meet me if you knew the truth.” Ummm…exactly!

    Starting off a relationship with a lie is never a good thing. It’s a boundary violation. I asked for what I wanted, and they didn’t respect it.

    One man didn’t respect my request that I was looking for someone who wasn’t married. He slipped up and wore his wedding ring when we met — whoops! That was the shortest date in history.

    As far as exchanging IDs, I would be very reluctant to show a man I didn’t know or trust an ID with my full name and address on it.

    I don’t think we should be more comfortable with someone just because we meet them in person. That would just be a false sense of security, because anyone can lie. Your personal rules should apply no matter how you meet someone.

    (Personal rules = your BOUNDARIES)

    Thank you for another article filled with good advice, Joyce!

    1. I don’t recommend you exchange ID the moment you meet someone. But when you have the confidence that this relationship is, indeed, going somewhere, I’d be sure to ask. Better that a person who you are seriously considering knows your address, than they rape you.

      Another way to check up on a person is through their license plate. I’d be careful to copy down the plate number if they’re driving a car.

  4. Great post and great advice!! Thank You!! I’ve had some bad experiences with guys in dating groups as well and have learned the hard way, that like bars and other such places, it is not a good place to meet good men!!

    1. Tina-

      Thanks for your comment. When internet dating began, I think we all thought it would be a great solution. Unfortunately, like anything else, over time, people learn how to misuse it. And some folks have made an art-form of its misuse!

  5. Such great advice, and I agree completely with you. Having been burned by guys more often than I can count-I’ve nearly given up completely on them.

    One example: my son’s father who was actually 14 years older than he claimed, and with a altered driver’s license to support his lies, complained that I was too old for him! because I happened to be just under 31 years, while this guy was nearly 45, but claiming to be 35!

    Seems like most of the guys I’ve met on the dating sites are just into gaming and scamming women! I no longer look to them as venue for meeting good men.

    One of the last guys started out saying we should go to dinner. I said, okay. Then he changed it to going for drinks…somewhat reluctantly, I said okay again. Suddenly, he just wanted us to head for the sack for a quick roll in it. At that point, I ran after deleting my account!

    Yes, I do background checks, or at least checking out every source at my disposal. Trust, but verify as they say! Even my dating site profiles strongly emphasized going at a slow pace – yet men completely ignored my boundaries and figured I should be so grateful to be contacted by them I’d accept lousy treatment from them!

    No thanks! Great advice we all should take, male or female! Loved your post!

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