Why victims suffer this disabling anxiety condition
PTSD is normally associated with warfare
My father fought in the Philippines during World War II. One hot, dark, buggy night, he woke up to find a Japanese soldier squatting over him, about to thrust a bayonet into his neck. I knew better than to ever ask him the fate of that soldier. The fact that he came home to our family was all we needed to know.
Whenever my dad was aroused from sleep, he’d awaken with a start. I’m sure that was only a small example of how PTSD affected him. But it was visible to me, even as a small child.Today, society readily understands that combat soldiers can suffer from PTSD. It was a far less public discussion in my father’s time.
I never expected that I would encounter any type of danger that could create the disorder for me, but I was wrong.
The emotional causes of PTSD
Modern day health professionals have concluded that emotionally shattering experiences undermine our sense of invulnerability and cause PTSD. People naturally assume that life is both benevolent and meaningful. And we consider ourselves to be worthy beings. An encounter with rape by fraud can shred every vestige of our beliefs about both life and our place in it. It undermines our value system.
If this happened to you, depending on the length of time the hoax took place, you built expectations that were predictable. Learning that everything you valued was nothing more than a house of cards crushed your sense of safety and well-being. And the notion that you were used as an instrument of your own demise was especially crushing. It is why Socrates said that “sex by persuasion” as he called rape by fraud, is particularly compelling because it undermines the character of the victim. Recognition of the heinous nature of this behavior spans centuries. It’s nothing new.
While rape by fraud victims do not undergo the brutal torment of violence, the blow to their emotional makeup can be devastating. Their injuries are far more severe than the trifling stupidities that people hurl their way…. “Just get over it,” “So what,” “Find a decent guy.” And even worse, “You just misunderstood.” In many ways, the lack of validation people hurl at victims serves to deepen their despair. They not only have to deal with the betrayal that affects them at their core, but also with the abandoning mindset of the very people they count on for support.
Some symptoms of PTSD include:
- Memories that are triggered by daily events, making you tremendously sad.
- Sleeplessness, the inability to turn off the record running through your brain
- Loss of interest in your daily life.
- Hermit behavior, unwillingness to go out and face possible reminders
- Irritability and anger over small incidents.
Victims who experience rape by fraud should seek professional help to recover. Just as a soldier needs therapy to improve, no one should try to tackle PTSD on their own. If you can’t afford a private therapist, contact your local hospital and find out if they have a low cost mental health clinic that can help you. Reach out to RAINN, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, for information and support.
I have very severe PTSD as a result of marriage to a “sex addict” who betrayed me since we were married. He had hundreds of sexual partners, thousands of online sexual encounters, and kept his secret world entirely hidden from me.
Once he told me the truth – AFTER persuading me to take an early retirement and forfeit my income, he became monstrously abusive.
I participated in support groups, and in intensive therapy. The support group was helpful, the therapy increasingly dangerous because the sex addiction therapist kept insisting on focus on my childhood and exploring why I married a sex addict who duped me. I felt extremely devalued as she insisted that “both partners are responsible for failure of marriage”!!!
Needing escape from impending court hearings and from therapist who was making everything worse, I took off on a cruise for the holidays.
On board, I learned about a doctor from Australia – also studied in China – who did acupuncture for PTSD. She explained a cruise with acupuncture fit the original practice of acupuncture in a hospital setting because multiple sessions in a short period of time is most effective.
I never believed in any alternative holistic treatments, but was so miserable I decided to invest / 2 sessions per day for 6 days.
Not all symptoms are gone, but I experienced overwhelming improvement in healing —
Brain fog vanished, energy returned, all inflammation left my body, serotonin soared, my posture improved (!!!!)…she was also the ONLY professional who fully understood my trauma and the effect on my body. When I told her why I had PTSD, she firmly said: “we are not going to let that man kill you.”
I have since learned that acupuncture is being used for many veterans with PTSD who report the same very positive results. We carry trauma in our bodies – beginning with stomach and liver. Toxins are created and flush through our bodies and our brains. The toxic energy must be released. Talk therapy is not a good solution, often making trauma even more severe. I cannot describe for you the incredible relief and hope I feel now. I will continue acupuncture with local specialists – and add healing vitamins – I am amazed — and sooooooo…… GRATEFUL for journey that brought me to this opportunity for healing –
More progress in one week than previous 2.5 years. I am home, and still feeling good – even with subzero temperatures and gray light!!!!
Thanks so much for sharing this information.
Debunking the notion that there is equal responsibility for a relationship’s demise, when one of the partners is sociopathic is very difficult. Often therapists either don’t see that one of the partners is toxic, or they know that they will no longer remain in therapy if they identify them as such.
We need more publicly disseminated information to enlighten society about the harm created by sociopaths.
We also need more well-thought-out therapies for victims who are struggling to become survivors, and laws to prevent this type of harm from destroying lives.
Joyce
PTSD was a surprise diagnosis from a Psychiatrist, the victim feeling overwhelmed by memories, image and feeling that were in fact part of the betrayal. Once understood by the victim, it is far easier for the victim to deal with and understand why they have these feelings. I encourage anyone affected by this heinous crime to REALLY dig into their thoughts and feelings with a professional in the mental health field, and do your own research into Sociopaths, Psychopaths, Histrionic personalities. You will be shocked by their tactics; Gaslighting, Love bombing, degrading you during and after you are hooked to keep you hooked and the final dismissal of you as an object, after they determine you are no longer useful to their objective (as an object, not a person) who you thought loved and cared about you.
Care4victims
You are so right about the tactics and behaviors of character disordered people. Often victims endure their covert actions because they don’t suspect that their significant other, who they relate to as an ally, can be so calculating and cruel. And when comprehending the damage they have dealt us, we blame ourselves for getting sucked in.
We need to relieve ourselves of blame and shame, and can only do so once we recognize just how devious these characters truly are. Anyone, no matter how smart, and independent, can be taken-in by an emotional predator.
A person who develops PTSD has far reaching symptoms that can affect them throughout all aspects of their life. It’s effects are not limited to how they will deal with romantic exchanges in the future, but rather, with their interaction with the world at large. It’s debilitating and warrants professional intervention.
R.A.I.N.N. might be a good place to go, but the mental health system is a very dangerous place for survivors of any kind of abuse.
Thanks for your contribution.
Not every mental health professional understands and deals with relationships with emotional predators. When looking for help, it’s important to find someone who has experience with sociopathic behavior and is familiar with how it relates to PTSD.
Problem is they will all say they are experts. I think those who get it to the degree they aren’t risky are very few and far between and other than word of mouth from other survivors I know of no way to find one.
Please check out book entitled “Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity” by Dr. Marie-France Hirigoyen. She calls for a return to recognizing abuse, abusers, and stopping psychological theories re “there are no victims” and the perpetrator and victim are both responsible –
She clearly describes the intentions of the abuser and the impact abuse has on the victim. Very important to read and encourage others to read!
Sounds worth reading. Thanks for the recommendation!
Joyce