“50 Brave Women” Campaign for change!

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It’s not OK to exploit people for sex!

You can make a meaningful difference in the laws in your state! We need one person to step forward who’s been harmed by a romance scam in every jurisdiction.

Are you up for the challenge?

If so, please complete the simple form below, (which will not be published or seen on the blog,) with the following information:

  1. Write a short description of what happened to you, (please keep it under 5 paragraphs.)
  2. Send your contact information: name, phone, email, city and state (None of this information is made public.)
  3. Let me know if you’re acquainted with any of the legislators in your area, and if so, who.


15 thoughts on ““50 Brave Women” Campaign for change!”

  1. Hi Joyce,
    Thank you so much. I have been dealing with the crime committed against me since May when I discovered the fraud. I married him in October. The amount of damage he was able to achieve in such a short time is astounding. Upon doing more research, after running a legal background check (not an internet one), it turns out he’s been doing this for 14 years.
    I want to do something to fight against this type of crime. I filed a police report and the officer who took the original report gave me a fake number and entered into the system, “no crime to report”. He also told me my best chances to recovery any of my stolen funds or property was to, “Meet with him and play nice.” When I finally was able to file a REAL police report I was told a 3 separate occasions no crime had been committed. After months of writing letters and asking friends and family to do the same the DA finally agreed to pursue 1 charge for Grand Theft PC 497 (a) because of the personal property he stole. There are no charges for the bad checks which is check fraud PC 476 or 476 (a) he wrote to me that amounted to $19,000, there are no charges for marriage false personation PC 528, there are no charges of obtaining money by fraud PC 332 (a), no charges for False Pretense to obtain money PC 532 (a), no charges for False or Fraudulent Claims PC 550 (a) and there are no charges of rape PC 289 (f).
    I’m in California and event though the penal code clearly outlines these crimes and he has committed each and every one. Law enforcement and the DA won’t press charges due to the fact that we got married. I tried to explain his fraud began even before we were married and that the marriage will be annulled as of 8/31/2016 – nullifying any legal standing. Under criminal code, they tell me it doesn’t matter. Just last night, August 17, 2016, I was told, “Just because my husband promises to buy me something and he doesn’t – doesn’t mean I can charge him with a crime.” That was one of the prosecutors at the District Attorney’s office. She also told me that, “we don’t get cases like these often” and, “it reads like something off of TV.” I feel like if there is any gray area and they have to actually work to prove the crime or interpret the law they won’t bring charges. It leaves me exhausted and discouraged. I now know why even though he had been caught before his record was clean. Even if other women tried to press charged they were told they couldn’t.

  2. Louise-

    I received your notification but your email address is not correct.

    I’m saddened to hear what you’ve been through and sincerely hope you’re recovering from this painful ordeal.

    Please correct the needed information on the form.

    Sincerely Yours,

  3. It seems to me that you wouldn’t have to worry about being “abused by deceit” if you didn’t randomly screw people before you married them.

    1. First off, it’s rare for people to wait until they’re married to engage in sex today. But even when they do, rape by fraud takes place. There are many marriages in which one of the spouses has defrauded the other into the relationship.

      Secondly, there are several types of rape by fraud. Fraud in the factum takes place when someone is fooled into the actual act itself. An example would be a doctor telling someone they are performing a medical procedure and inserting their man-parts instead.

      Fraud in the inducement occurs when the offender uses “false personation” to engage in sexual penetration. It happens when a sleeping victim believes the person is their “significant other” or when the offender uses a sexual hoax to get past their gates. These cases are especially heinous because the victim is violated many times over an extended period.

      Laws on rape by fraud are not intended to protect people who jump in bed with someone they just met. If they don’t make a reasonable attempt to check the person out, their case would be a “he said, she said” and not warrant prosecution.

      Rape by fraud laws will protect victims from offenders who lie about their identity or intent in order to hoax a victim by blocking their attempts to seek the truth. The victims who need protection are ones who engage in monogamous sexual relations with a person who defrauds and prevents discovery.

      Your concept that all spouses or people in mongamous, committed relationship can’t be defrauding the victim is naive. It happens all the time, and it devastates the victim when it does. It’s behavior that destroys lives.

  4. I had never heard of “rape by fraud” until I came across your writing. My abuser lied about previous marriages on the marriage license! He also hid the fact that he murdered his father! I now share parenting time with this monster. The issue onto which you are shining a light, is one of great importance. Thank you!

    1. Army-

      Welcome to this site. I’m happy you found it. It took me years before I realized what a deplorable crime had happened to me. There was no internet back when my relationship took place. I hope that knowing provides you with validation and promotes your ability to heal.

      Regarding the CAD who abused you, it’s been a long time since I signed my marriage license. If I’m not mistaken, it required acknowledging that the information was accurate. And I think it was filed with the county clerk’s office. You might want to ask what consequences exist for falsifying that document. And if you find there are penalties for doing so, I’m sure other readers will want to know.

      If you would like to carry the gauntlet for creating a sexual assault law in your state, that would be wonderful. Do not do so if you risk any danger to you or your child by your involvement. But if you feel safe with it, please complete the form on the page. It’s not visible to others, only to me. It comes directly to my email.

      I know how difficult it is to raise a child with a psychopath.. They are heartless.


      1. For your readers: regarding the marriage license (in the state of Tennessee)… I went to our county records office to obtain a copy of the license that was filled out and signed by the preacher. They send that part on to the state capital. I went to Nashville to obtain a copy. Here is the unbelievably crazy/stupid part…when they receive the licenses, they CUT OFF the questions at the bottom (the ones that ask about numbers of previous marriages), and send it to the shredder!

        There are something like 20 blanks to fill out-that question is one of the last few-I could not believe it! There is NO RECORD of the fraud.

        As for the murder- he was a couple months shy of his 18th birthday, and all associated records are sealed (police reports included). I found out about it from townspeople, and confirmed through newspaper archives.

        A judge NEVER heard of the fraud when deciding child custody.

        My whole marriage was based on a lie.

        1. Army-

          Wow, my heart goes out to you! And I think lots of folks in Tennessee will be appalled to know what happens to the information on their marriage licenses!

          The state of Tennessee is one of the very few states in the US that has a rape by fraud law. It’s a felony in Tennessee. Were there other character identity lies he told you? They are easier to prosecute than lies of intent. And are there other people who knew him by those lies?

          At the very least, I’d go to your local Legislators and let them know what takes place with the information on marriage licenses so the next person who is lied to this way has recourse. Please get back to me and let me know how they react.

          While it seems that Tennessee has implemented appropriate sanctions against rape by fraud offenders, they could still use help putting an obvious support in place that should already exist.


          1. Please define a “character identity lie”. I will definitely follow up with a letter to a Legislator. It is cases like mine that are swept under the rug-the “good ole boy” system cover up…going through litigation, it never seemed like any of his lies held any weight when it came to his parental rights (the right to not work and be on the collecting end of child support from the wife he had just turned into a single working mom). It still stabs my heart to think of it…Anyway, I will shine a little light, and read up more on your blog. Thank you💜

            1. Lying about a prior marriage would be a lie of identity. Examples of others would be claiming someone is single when they’re married, 32 when they’re really 45, or have a Harvard degree when, in truth, they’re a high school drop out. They create a false sense of the person. Instead of the individual you thought you were engaging in sex with, the offender was really someone else.

              Another form of lie that offenders will often tell to seduce someone are lies of intent like, “I’ll marry you in the morning,” when they were planning to leave town the next day. They are far more difficult to prove in a courtroom because the defense can be as simple as “I changed my mind.”

              It is very unlikely that lies of intent will be prosecuted, even in states where rape by fraud laws exist. But character hoaxes, lies that mask the identity of the offender, are lies by which the actor is seen as an impostor and can be more readily prosecuted.

              As another single working mom whose ex was a deadbeat, my heart goes out to you.


  5. Dear Joyce,

    Thank you so much for what you are doing. I have included an attachment with the requested information in response to your post: Needed! 50 Brave Women. I don’t know how brave I am at this point, but I am willing to find out and give it all I have. The attachment is confidential as I am planning to pursue this in court as soon as I figure out how and find the right attorney.

    Sincerely Yours,


    1. Serena-

      I don’t see an attachment from you. However, filling out the form is completely private. The information does not get posted to the blog, it simply comes directly to my email.

      I’m sure you’re brave! You still have a sense of humor after life with a CAD!

      Have you heard of Lisa Hockett? She’s a legal advocate who deals with cases of relationship abuse. She might be familiar with attorneys or legal services that can help you in your area..

      All the best-

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